Just need to vent

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I have two kids on the autism spectrum and I love them dearly. I can't leave my husband and today sucked.

It's bad enough I have to deal my own autism and my husband spent 8 solid hours screaming at me about how stupid, incompetent, filthy things are, how I can't do anything right, that I've ruined his 30 dollar pan, that why can't I wash the french fry cutter.

I've filled out MOUNTAINS of paper work, done all the medical care of our two autistic children both of which are still working on using the toilet, written a 12 page paper this week, taken 3 quizzes b/c I'm in college for 9 hrs this semester. I daily get to deal with extreme sensory overload, have to clean the apartment, pack the entire apartment(we are moving back to Alabama, am either about to go to graduate school or to work and my husband is angry that life at home isn't perfect. I get up EVERY morning at 5 am. Our son
has allergies to
1. Dairy
2 Eggs
3 Chicken
4 Soy
5 Gluten(celiacs actually not an allergy)
6 Garlic
7 Onions
8 Peanuts
9 Treenuts
10 Fish/Shellfish
11 Strawberries
12 Bananas
I have to give him several vitamins thanks to that. I get to do ALL the outside therapy alone. I spend hours studying and am 12 lbs underweight (I lost 2 more pounds) My husband doesn't come home until 7-9 at night after the kids are in bed. I'm up with the kids in the middle of the night. Right now I feel sick thanks to my allergies and I can't go get my allergy medication b/c I spent money on my son's medications(it wasn't covered by our insurance). I can't leave either b/c I don't have a job and don't graduate for 3 more months.
I just don't understand why he has to scream at me about everything I'm doing the best I can and maybe the potato cutter isn't clean but we have clean clothes, food to eat(I went to the store), and despite everything I'm managing both kids. The kids are fed, washed, happy, and for the most part well taken care of. Why can't he ever see how hard I work to do everything and ever realize that life is never perfect.

I guess I'm just tired.

There's no excuse for screaming - unless it's an extreme emergency and even then screaming will not help the situation.

I'm sorry you have to listen to that - do not take the things he says to heart. I have been verbally abused and I have been physically abused and, to me, the physical abuse was almost easier to take because the verbal abuse left me shaken and doubting in myself for years.

He sounds stressed out but that's no excuse for his ridiculously childish and cruel behavior. If this is who he really is, you will be better off without him one day - and stronger too.

Please hang in there - I know what it feels like to be stuck - it won't last forever - promise.

_________________
Diagnosed with High Functioning Autism well into adulthood.
It's never too late to get a diagnosis.
Hell, I thought I was just weird.

i can (obviously) come off as really abrupt and my tone can sound sharpish, so feel free to ask me to clarify

Ask him to explain why the 30 US$ pan and the potato cutter are that important, it sounds to me as that your husband is behaving in an unreasonable way.

Tell him that yelling will not make you understand him more, in my experience people yelling at each other does not often work. Ask him "what is the purpose of the yelling".

1. I assume that you are not deaf; anyway super loud yelling is harder to understand for a deaf person than normal speaking.
2. I assume that he can get your attention without yelling, so ask him if he yelling at you is a means of him working off his anger. If his yelling is a means of working off his anger then tell him to go and find some other (more reasonable) way to work off his anger.

Sometimes people need to yell at the top of their voice to be heard in a noisy place or attract the attention of someone else, this is reasonable. Do not get precious and expect to be told politely that the kitchen is on fire, if I was in your house and the kitchen catches fire I will not address you in a nice gentle way, I will not wait my turn and I might use "colourful language". I will be likely to tell you loudly that the kitchen is ablaze.

On the other hand when a person keeps yelling at a person who already knows what the other person is trying to tell them, or starts moaning at a person for the purpose of making them feel bad then it is not reasonable.

I hold a view that it can be acceptable to tell off your kids to modify their behaviour, forcing your kids to scrub the dog house for six hours is perfectly acceptable if it is to teach them not to pull the dog's tail. On the other hand I have come across people who seem to enjoy telling people off for the simple joy of telling people off. I know of one school teacher who wasted hours of teaching time telling children off for very minor problems which did not harm the teaching. I think that this person was very unsuitable for their job and belonged on list 99 (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/u ... 787359.ece), for emotional abuse I think that this person would make a very worthy addition to that rogues gallery.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

well he knows I have autism,that's what my paperwork says. I'm trying the best I can. I have good grades though and I should be able to go to work in 3 months time. I know I make mistakes but I don't understand why he can't cut me some slack with all that I do.

I told him last night if I'm so incompetent then he can put the kids to bed and I'm going to sleep and that is exactly what I did. He was mad and tried to apologize and ended up spending twice as long getting the kids to bed. He had to read 15 stories to our book obsessed daughter and took our son to the toilet 7 times. I got some extra sleep in though.

Love it!! ! Good for you!

_________________
Diagnosed with High Functioning Autism well into adulthood.
It's never too late to get a diagnosis.
Hell, I thought I was just weird.

i can (obviously) come off as really abrupt and my tone can sound sharpish, so feel free to ask me to clarify

errr nice rant!