controlling emotions

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Is this possible? I am a very logical person, in terms of the way I try and analyse other people's feelings, and even my own, but I cant seem to make my logic influence my emotions.

For example at the moment I feel mildly anxious about a move I have to make this summer - this is logical (because it will be stressful) and relatively normal. But my overriding emotion is emptyness and pointlessness. In a way this is also logical because life is ultimately pointless. But from another point of view it is completely illogical because my life is not bad compared to many (most even) people's lives, I have lots of potential for this new job to be exciting and interesting and even my current situation is not bad. In another sense it could be logical, because I have just come off antidepressants and I think I may have become dependent upon them to a certain extent and now my brain is trying to cope with a sudden difficulty in regulating serotonin and dopamine levels.

However, whether my feelings are logical or not, I seem to have no conscious control over them at all. Often they will change (which at the moment means ranging from slightly OK to utter hopelessness) despite no obvious external influence - presumably due to fluctuations in chemicals. But I myself seem to have no way of influencing them. A friend told me today that it is effectively my fault that I feel like this - I dont try and make the most of things, I dont put any effort to change things. And this is true. But what can I change? How can I change what I feel just by thinking about it? Is it possible to think 'well, logically I should be happy at the moment because I am healthy and have a good job' and then somehow dupe oneself into feeling happy?

Also what annoys me is all these people you hear about - 'He suffered from cancer/physical disability etc, but he was always cheerful'. Were these people cheerful because they chose to be? Did they somehow put effort into it that I am lacking in, or was it (as I suspect) just the case that their brain chemistry was nice and stable and hence they never really got depressed despite their physical illness?

And if it is a case of putting effort in, then how do I do this? I hate myself for being so weak willed, I wouldnt choose it if I had a choice, yet I feel like people, such as my friend (who by the way has herself been depressed in the past) are criticising me for somehow not being able to force myself to be happy, or at least give the impression of being so. Am I really expecting things to be too easy? Doesnt happiness, or at least contendedness, come for most people without them trying? (It did for me when I used to be happy). And how does one 'try' anyway?

Is it really only me that has this problem controlling emotions? Noone else that I know seems to be such a slave to their emotions.

My views on life are generally based on logic rather than emotions. I have based some decisions on emotions, but then the emotions were generally logical in basis. The problem is with feeling (negative) emotions and not being able to use logic to change the emotion.

Emotions are not logical things. You can't control them. Unwanted emotions will appear whether you want them to or not, and sometimes they will stay no matter how much rationality you try to use to justify them. It's all a part of being human unfortunately.

(Warning: This is a bit of a rambling rant)

The Bene Gesserit Incantation Against Fear.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

By Franklin Patrick Herbert, Jr. (October 8, 1920 – February 11, 1986), author of Dune (ISBN 0-441-17271-7).

...

Intense emotional trauma - rage or terror - locks a portion of our minds into the moment of that trauma. When a similar event, or some minor element of that moment (a scent, a sound, a touch, et cetera) occurs, our minds are flung into the same emotional state as we experienced during that first trauma.

This is why some people freak out when their lovers touch them in a certain way, whisper certain phrases, or wear certain colognes - they revert to the same emotional state they experienced when they were traumatized and felt, heard, or smelled the same sensation.

It is important for people to face their fears and realize that what happened then is not happening now, and that it is only their (over-) reaction to similar sensations that causes them to relive the trauma.

While it is true that people can not (completely) control their emotions, thay can control their own reactions to their own emotions. Eventually, they may be able to understand which conditions and sensations trigger which emotions, and either avoid or manage those situations.

Also, some people mistakenly believe that expressing their emotions takes precedence over solving a problem - even problems that trigger the unwanted emotional state in the first place! As a result, they wallow in self-pity over a 30-year old trauma, or refuse to apologize to someone because they "still haven't gotten over" whatever issue prompted them to insult or attack someone else. Then, of course, they rationalize their behavior, claiming such things as "Oh, she doesn't deserve an apology" or "Why should I make myself pretty? Nobody will notice ... nobody will care ... just like at the prom ..."

...

Some lyrics by the Eagles are useful to me in that they inspired my own "Get Tough and Deal With It" attitude, which has in turn helped me get through issues with an abusive alcoholic father, an unfaithful ex-wife, and 18 months of homelessness (all taken care of!):

I turn on the tube and what do I see?
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me!"
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else;
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves;
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat!

Get over it!
Get over it!

You drag it around like a ball and chain;
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain;
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown;
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down.
Complain about the present and blame it on the past;
I'd like to find your inner child and kick it's little a$$!

Get over it!
Get over it!

Eventually, everyone must decide who is in charge of their lives; their emotions, or themselves.

I chose self-interest over emotion. No more drunk daddy, no more promiscuous ex-wife, and no more homelessness.

Take charge of yourself.