Why the Haven?

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Why the haven?

In the past few months a lot of members have complained about having their genuine problems made fun of for being pity-mongering. "You only posted this to get attention"... "Don't whine, just go out and do it"... etc.

So this forum is a place where people can speak up about what's really going on in their lives without fear of being attacked. All we ask is that you approach anything that's said in this forum with an open mind and good intentions.

If anyone feels threatened here, please, feel free to PM me or one of the other mods. Who you are and anything you say will not leave the mods forum. If you don't want the mod you PM to share your message with the other mods, just say so (though that may limit the amount they can help). There is only one condition under which we will share your PM, and that is if you seem to be in danger of physically harming yourself or anyone else.

You have as much privacy here as we can offer. The haven is members-only, so it can't be read by unregistered visitors. Unlike the rest of the forums, it's not a free-for-all. Absolutely no trolling will be tolerated, and you may be asked to edit your comments if someone else finds them hurtful. The point is not for moderators to seem like parents or police... just to help prevent the inevitable misunderstandings that come when two different people talk about issues that are important to them. If the mods get a complaint about someone's comments, they may post in the thread in question with a request to explain or reword what was said. In some cases, they might approach the person privately - not with official warnings, just an attempt to bridge the communication gap. If the person repeatedly refuses, they will be asked not to post in the haven (though this wouldn't affect their ability to post in the other forums). In the (hopefully!) rare case that someone makes openly hostile comments, we may have to remove them without consulting the author first, but we'll try to keep that to a minimum.

The moderaters taking a stricter stance on what is said in this board is okay I just think they should either have very clear rules laid out or only moderate if its apparent that someone directly involved has a problem with it.

The statement above is on behalf of all the moderators. The following applies only to me: I am willing to maintain the privacy of a suicidal person if sincerely asked. The other mods will probably disapprove of me saying that, which is why I say this as a person and in no official capacity whatsoever.

That's a good idea, Praxis. The posibility of being reported for being suicidal might prevent someone from talking here and getting at least something in the way of help even thought it will never be anything close to professional. The risk of being reported and the likelyhood of throwing my family into a panic even over unrelated things is why I don't mention when I feel suicidal during those times I'm having a serious downswing.

NOTE: I'm already getting some professional help and looking for good professional help.

I think The Haven is a wonderful idea. I could have used it at one point, durring the Summer. I feel that us Members need a safe place to really talk about the issues in our life, without the fear, or the pain of being personally attacked.

Thanks. That was part of my reasoning. I've gone the professional route, but it was really a continuation of what I'd started years earlier with a friend. I think both can be equally helpful, for all kinds of reasons... sometimes it's easier to approach someone as a friend, and you know at least they're dealing with you because they want to, not because someone is paying them to do it. And they don't have to be bound by professional guidelines.

That, and I respect a person's ability to make decisions about their own life, even if they're living in darkness.

I just want to add my support to The Haven. It is necessary to allow for a place that people can be open without the fear of reprisal/critism. Thank you for taking the steps necessary to make that place a reality.

Y

Your decision is your decision I guess, but if I think you're suicidal and likely to do something serious (or homicidal, etc.) and I feel I can't help, I'll try and get more help if can. Just saying this to reiterate that this is not something you can expect all mods to adhere to.

It's not that I don't respect people's privacy, by the way; if I'm in a conversation which you asked to be confidential and I agreed and you say something totally private or even totally dumb I will keep it a sercret outside of it postentially causing harm to yourself or anyone else- which is a vague thing to say, of course, and there are levels of harm (for example self-mutilation, while tragic IMO, is not a mortal/whistle-blowing danger in most cases) but I would try to do about the same thing as a therapist would do as far as judgement calls on that.

((Second paragraph to indicate what would constitute valid for me to use in my own choosing. I DO have boundaries.))

Are we going to move some topics from Mature Content (preferably the ones on Suicide) to the Haven?

I think that would make sense as 14 year old aspies can have problems with suicide too.

We've mostly been leaving old threads where they were created, for a few reasons (like people wondering where their threads have disappeared to and thinking they're deleted). But feel free to start a new suicide thread in here... it's a good idea.

I will try to get more help if I think it's necessary, but in a way that preserves anonymity... and I will do my best to convince a person to talk to someone else aside from me if I'm in over my head. I just don't like going behind someone's back when major emotional/trust issues are at stake. If you can't trust a person's clearly stated sworn word, what can you possibly trust about what they say? Eliminating that trust opens absolutely everything they say to manipulation and hidden agendas and I don't see how it would be possible to continue dealing with them on a deep level.

I would report homicide-related stuff though, because innocent lives are involved.

hell i WAS gonna kill myself when i was 10

I agree, I was, and can still be, at times very suicidal, and I think this should be an area where people shouldn't be judged by what they've said in other threads, in the end, we're all human and need to be loved and cared for, without bias. But Pyraxis, as I've said in another of your posts, suicide is a very sensitive area, yet one that should certainly not be ignored, us being mostly aspie and all. We should help, with sensitivity. I'm sorta too young to help, but if I can be a hand, I'd love to help.

Soma.

1.What's trolling?
2.I think the haven is a very good idea.
3. Does meanness, for lack of a better word come in here, the mature forum due to the adult language or School/College life as it's meaness in schools?

A troll is someone who comes into an established community such as an online discussion forum, and posts inflammatory, rude or offensive messages designed intentionally to annoy and antagonize the existing members or disrupt the flow of discussion.