He hit me.

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Okay; so all I seem to do is complain and i'm sorry but I need a place to just.. say it all.

My best friend is a 20 year old boy; and sometimes he's a little over-protective when I have normal arguments with my boyfriend.
So this morning I had an argument with my boyfriend, only trivial but I over-react to things and i'd self-harmed. Soon after my best friend called me and I was still upset, but I didn't tell him about the argument because I knew he'd be mad at my boyfriend. We arranged to meet that afternoon for coffee.

So when I went to meet him, I still looked upset he saw the self-harm which I stupidly forgot to hide and he was all 'why did you lie and say you were okay, how can you damage yourself etc.' and he was shouting and making a scene so I suggested we go back to my flat to just calm down and stuff.

He was really, really quiet on the way back and when we got back he shouted at me some more.
I got angry too because he was being unreasonable and stupid and I only lied to him because I was trying to protect him and my boyfriend.
So we argued some more, then he slapped me across the face and.. I don't know what to do.

I told myself after an abusive relationship I would never let anyone hit me again and get away with it. But he's my best friend and I care deeply about him and I don't know what to do.

Please help me?

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what to do.

Once, I saw a woman slapped her little girl whom she just saved from a bad car accident by pulling her by her long hair.
That was a bad and strong slap.

It was a shock but I understood right away that this was from release: how many times this little girl was warned not to go on the street, stay on the sidewalk? I don't know.
She could have been killed this time.


But for you Emlion, it looks differtent.
It looks as if being over-protective to you, he believes he has some rigts on you, on your life.
And that's not good for the futur of your relationship (in my opinion).

I know it's not good.
He's never, ever been violent to me before and it was scary, cause i'm quite petite and he's strong.
But he's right, i shouldn't self-harm and lie to him. If I hadn't done those in the first place he wouldn't have had to have been angry.
I don't think I can be without him as my friend.

emlion, violence isn't acceptable under any circumstances. Personally, I also disagree with zena4's example and really hope the laws against "spanking" children will spread further.

It doesn't matter if you lie to him or self-harm - it's not his place to "punish" you for it. I could never trust or want to be around someone who hit me, but if you think it really was an accident/are willing to give him another chance, you should have a calm talk and explain him how it affected you, that it's up to him to regain your trust and that any similar incident will instantly end your friendship.

I'm sorry this happened to you - I hope you'll feel better soon.

I think (i hope) it was just a knee-jerk reaction and he hasn't ever done anything like that before. - and straight after he looked shocked and stuff.
But the thing is he's kept away from me ever since - and i don't know if i should call him or go and see him or wait for him to talk to me?

But yeah, once can be an accident - but more than once I won't stand for it.

The "normal" thing would be for him to apologise and see if you're willing to forgive him.

Maybe you gave him too much power/didn't establish clear boundaries. For instance, it's not ok to feel the need to hide having a fight with your boyfriend - if your friend doesn't like it, he should be explained that arguments happen and it's up to you to decide how you manage your love-life. If you reverse the situation, how do you think your boyfriend would react if he knew your friend hit you?

He does know my friend hit me. And obviously he's not happy about it. He told me he thinks I shouldn't be friends with him, but he'll respect any decision I make about it.

I think i'm going to call my friend later and see what he wants to do. You're right, the boundaries on our relationship are a little blurry, but that's because I generally let him (and my boyf to an extent) tell me what to do often because if left to my own devices I make bad choices.

Thank you for the advice.

You're welcome - if you decide to keep the friendship, please take care of yourself.

From what you say, your boyfriend seems more mature than your friend, he's willing to respect your choices and that's great.

I totally agree with you.

But for the "honour" of that lady that I used to know well, I have to precise one thing: she didn't slap for teaching anything.

It was as a reflex, as strange as it seems.

All in one move: seing the car arriving so fast, her little daughter stepping down of the pavement, making one or two steps herself to pull her and get her safe back and SLAP right away. All at once!

People were not so tender in those days

Before that incident, I also saw a little boy being killed at that same place, well, 4-5 meters from there : following a ball in the street from the garden, a car arriving too fast, the driver being half drunk and having a bad vision and BANG! Over the little boy.



Emlion, I'm sorry: that has nothing to do with what happened to you.
And I wouldn't dare make any assumption on how things are going to sort out for your friendship.
But be kind and careful to yourself, that's true.

If that friend who is so bigger than you can't control himself when in anger, is he really a good friend to keep? Is he really "protective" to you?

I won't say what I think of parents who believe they can teach their kids by hitting them, I'm sure you already know . IMO it's still very sad when adults can't control their emotions and take them out on their kids - a lot of "spanking" is done in anger! I understand your example is different and I imagine the woman must have been very scared and shocked, but still feel sorry she took it out on her daughter. Maybe people should pay more attention - holding their kids hands etc.

He's super protective. Which can often read 'controlling' - but underneath it all he really cares about me. He's stuck with me through a lot of very bad things, and i don't think i should judge him solely on this one event? I don't know.

I called him earlier and he told me that he thinks that we shouldn't be friends because it's unfair on me because he knows he can be all arrogant and stuff sometimes. He also said i'd be better off without him.
Do you he really means he doesn't want to be friends or that he just wants me to tell him it's okay and that i need him?

disown him as a freind, true freinds never abuse eachother

You don't deserve to have him as a friend. You're too good for that.

Please don't doubt yourself! Even if you do make some bad choices you're not the only one - basically everyone makes them, as a part of a learning process.

As far as your friend is concerned, he does have some poor impulse control. However a thought occurred to me - is he jealous at your boyfriend by any chance? Such violence among friends is basically never justified - if he was trying to make a point, he could have done it in a bit more mature and less abusive way. To abuse a person who abuses herself - where is logic in that?

In any way I hope you feel better soon - and I hope you won't allow anyone again to treat you in such disrespectful manner.

I'll try to be stronger in the future.
But I can't disown him. - He's stuck with me through so much, I could never disown him for one incident.