Friend who is like a lost puppy

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Not really sure what to do on this, I have a friend who is like a lost puppy that wants a lot of attention, his wife and I are great, we go to the gym together and stuff. However her husband (his name is Adam) is the issue, while I consider him a good friend, he acts like he is my only friend.

We see each other every day at work and we often meet at either his house or my house... which is fine, but I have other friends that I like to meet up with, and I just plain like being by myself at home sometimes. He called this weekend mulitple times knowing that I was going to get another cat from the shelter (I would need to stay with it to get comfortable with the house and my other cats) he wanted to know if I could see a movie with him and his wife, I told him about being at the shelter and I just didn't feel like going anywhere.

Also he gets upset easily if he dosen't get attention, a large group of us had dinner at a restaurant, there where a bunch of friends that I have seen in ages so I talked a lot to them, while I did go and chat with Adam and his wife, he had a bitter look on his face.

My fiance knows how it feels too, he is working in Alberta and likes to call some friends to pass time, he was talking to Adam for a little while and then needed to leave, Adam would not let him off the phone.

I am not sure what to do, Adam is not the only friend I have, and he knows that I am an aspie but dosn't seem to respect the fact that I just like being by my self at times, I explained to him that it is just the way I am but there isn't much of a difference.

I don't want to hurt his feelings.

is he aspie?

It would not suprise me if he was a mild aspie, because he likes to talk A LOT. Especially on topics that only he likes, for example I use to be into the YuGiOh card game, but not I have lost interest and not played in years, I told him that I am the wrong person to talk cards to and I do not know any of the new stuff, but yet he keeps talking to me about it as if I am interested. He does the same thing to a lot of people too. It is the same with Magic the gathering, I don't have any cards and only tried to learn it once, he is now making a deck for me so that I can play with his group, I told him that I not very interested.

It would also suprise me if he is aspie for the fact that he MUST be with people, he is always trying to get a group of people together.

Maybe he has OCD. He seem to be constantly obsessing non stop.

My best friend sounds exactly like Adam. He (my bff) isn't aspie in the least, but always, always ALWAYS needs attention and to be around people, it seems.

Even though he's known me for years, he still takes it personally when I don't always call him back the next day or commit to elaborate plans he likes to make for us. Since I go through aspie stages of human withdrawal, sometimes he kinda is my only friend. But when he isn't, he acts like I have done him some personal wrong.

I have spent many many hours over the past 5 years explaining to him that I sometimes get busy and/or need my personal space. He will seem to get it. And then he will forget.

In HS, he would be very upset if he ever felt left out of a group, gathering or party. Since I shunned all parties, I hung out with him and made him feel better.

He is a very fun guy- talented commedian and won't shut up about movies, but we occasionally clash because his social neediness is the opposite extreme of my hermit-like tendencies.

The upside is that since he does have a great sense of humor and we've known each other so long, I can sometimes say crap like "If you call me one more time this week, I will be forced to change my name and move to Alaska." And he will laugh and at least make an attempt to calm down.


I think sometimes socially-needy people can be drawn to aspies, because we seem rather unruffled on the surface, and since we don't like to go out as often we're more readily available.

Your feelings are important too. All I can think of to say is maybe, "I'm sorry I have to say no this time. Maybe next time. Goodbye." and then gently hang up or turn and go away. Then repeat it for the the next forty years. He can't or won't hear you, so there is no point in going into protracted explanations. As long as you aren't being deliberately mean, there is nothing you can do about his feelings. If he gets mad enough to break the friendship when you are being reasonable, there is nothing you can do about that either. Since he can't or won't set the boundary, you must. Do it gently and firmly.