I am sorry to come to you for help again

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I feel rather guilty begging you guys for help all of the time. I feel I should not be doing this. Is it alright to?

I have this overarching feeling of guilty lately, and I cannot shake it. I feel like I am hurting people, whether there is any truth to this. However, my constant worrying gets me into a lot of trouble with people who get very annoyed by it. Lately, I have seriously considered escaping the world, even by way of voluntarily being committed to a mental institution. I don't know where else to turn. I just can't stop being worried all of the time.

I was given a diagnosis of Pantophobia, the overarching fear of everything, but the psychologists I have visited really do not know how to treat it.

I'm starting to go through boughts of depression that are interfering with some tasks.

Does anyone have any advice?

No need to beg... just ask. The greater error is to expect everyone, or even anyone, to respond.. that is the sad truth to things, but never stop asking and speaking out.

That you recognize an issue is reassuring; things would be much more frightening if you were acting purely on impulse and unaware of your fears. I am not familiar with your condition, or tradition methods for dealing/coping with it. Do small measures of assessment help, or do they attenuate your feelings of distress? How are you expressing your worrying that is affecting others? Is there something that triggers or keys the sense of guilt? Just curious, as it would clarify the situation.

Keep breathing. So long as we do that, all things are possible.


M.

Nice reply Makuranososhi.

I was wondering if this Pantophobia has been with you for a long time or is it more recent?

You speak of an overarching feeling of guilt lately... have you had other times when you have felt more at ease?

Can you think of anything relative to better times that you could draw upon now?

I realize my comments may not be of much help if this is the way you always feel, but you seem like a nice person from the posts of yours that I have read.
You really come across in a good way to me.

Many here will readily tell you that you shouldn't apologize for asking questions or asking for help, but I suspect you would find it dificult not to apologize if you are feeling the way you are.

Still, I do hope you can find a way to control these feelings more so you can do things like asking for advice/help without feeling like you're imposing on any of us.

I also wish I had a better answer for your particular issue.. sorry to say that I don't.

Take care Vashna

No need to beg... just ask. The greater error is to expect everyone, or even anyone, to respond..
Small measures of assessment have done little, but thank you. In fact, thank you both for replying to me. I constantly ask people nervous questions, such as are you angry with me? I realize this may come across as absurd, but I have a compulsion to do so and if I do not follow through I start to feel a real physiological pain, and eventually a physical panic attack. Traditional methods of curing the obsession portion have, as of yet, failed.

Pantophobia is not readily treatable, to the best of my knowledge, and 'experimental' techniques like hypnotherapy have not worked very well. As it is the overarching fear of everything, not much triggers it on, but certain things I see are linked to bad thoughts. Such as if I am worrying about how an idea I have is thought of, the site of a book would not do me good. A broad example, of course.

It is said my therapist that I have had it for a long time, but it is only recently been seen as such.

When I was younger I was more at ease, but when I start thinking about past experiences, I feel as though I cannot have them return and therefore intensify my feelings of guilt and sadness.

Thank you both again. I really appreciate it.

No, the questions make sense... a sort of social sonar to ascertain your bearings, your relationship and interaction with those around you. That makes a lot of sense to me, actually. Is there a way to define what is a positive and what is a negative resolution to your fears, so that you can more easily flag the less... well, the less rational ones, less founded at the least? While you can not control the river, you can dip your oar so that you can more easily navigate the rapids within. Are you finding that your guilt response has increased as your sampling of life experience has also increased? Do you blame yourself for things in the past? There is a certain sense of that in your last message. Please, continue... am interested to know more, and to offer whatever support I may be able.


M.

I am sorry for not understanding, what do you mean by positive and negative resolutions? I had thought that with a diagnosis of a phobia, it wold all be considered irrational by everyone besides me (I consider it a rational thought that I am not a good person, and truly fear the way I treat others.) For instance, I certainly hope I am not subjecting you to any mistreatment by writing this.

I do blame myself for things in the past, though I equally blame myself for things yet to come.

I especially worry because I did not go off to college, and rather went locally, when my mother was so adamant about sending me away. I had to stay home and go to a local school under advisement from a psychologist. However, I really did not want to go to college anyways (I have certain problems with education as it is, but I doubt you wish to hear of them.) I constantly fret over that concern.

Sorry for not being more clear - are there ways for you to more readily identify which worries are justified and which aren't? Or are all hitting with equal intensity? Your statements, questions, and behaviours here have been exceedingly appropriate; whether you're a good person is a subjective one, and the opinion that matters most is your own. Your attendance of college is not indicative of your quality as a person... and if you wish, you may still attend. The option is not lost, though accommodation would have to be made for whatever barriers you have in education - if you wish to share, you are free to do so, whether here or privately. The worry is something I can understand, even if I can not fathom the scope to which you feel it... learning to identify that which is real and tangible vs. that which is beyond your control is something that may bring some semblance of sense to your feelings.


M.

If it is apropo, may I compliment the manner in which you speak?

All of my concerns strike with equal force. They are as blows that are dealt all in the same manner. It is a grandiose undertaking to discover which are reasonable, and which are illogical.

I, myself, cannot rid myself of the opinion that I am not good; regardless of how others see it.

Perhaps I was not clear. I do attend college. I simply goto a college that is nearby as opposed to far away. My mother believed that college was better if it was distant rather than close to home, though she admits this was simply based on the fact that she wanted to goto a huge university when she was younger.

I fear sounding arrogant when I talk about my problems with barriers in education. Let me start that I fall in the 'other autism spectrum' category here. I came here with NVLD - Non-Verbal Learning Disability. I am unable to perform simple tasks such as riding a bicycle, though I find it easy to recite entire plays and such tasks. To be honest, this fact embarrasses me.

I have always had a very easy time in school. There lies my problem - I cannot find a challenge, and this makes teachers often very angry since I often already know the material they are teaching.

Thank you again. I really really hope I don't sound arrogant. I don't mean to. I do not wish to hurt anybody!

I don't know if logic would help you fear of offending but it doesn't make logical sense to feel guilty for something that is beyond you control. I assume that you don't enjoy feeling constant fear and would prefer not feeling that way, just as you would prefer to be able to understand NVC and not have to ask for constant feedback. Since those are things beyond your active control, you should not feel any guilt...guilt is for when you intentionally do something. I doubt you are the kind of person who would blame a blind person who may need extra help from friends and family to function ? How is your condition any different or why do you not deserve the same kind of understanding, patience and empathy ? Your condition(NVC) is neurological as well maybe your phobias. Although the investigation of neurological disorders is still in it's infancy, I believe that they will find that many condition once thought to be psychological or chemical are actually neurological as well.

I just saw an interesting show on depression tonight. They have actually found an area (25) of depression that is more active when people are sad. For some with depression this area is constantly being activated and when activated turns down the activity of the frontal lobe which accounts for many of problems of concentrating, using reasoning, memory,etc. Point being, I think with MRI, we are learning more and more help for neurological issues. (Perhaps one day they will find a cure for George Bush and the fools who voted for him)<---= sorry to all republicans but I only have a few more months to make fun of him

The only phobias I have involve driving but I do know that I feel bad at times for inconveniencing my boyfriend when I am to scared to drive. I try and remind myself that he isn't perfect wither and I do try and do things for him. The guilt you feel maybe no more then some misfiring neurons and I hope the people in your life are intelligent and compassionate enough to be able to see you positive traits.

Thank you for your compliment... I am thankful to be understood. My apologies - on rereading, your point was made... I merely failed to see it. The point does remain, however, that if you wish to move on to another school it is entirely within the realm of possibility.

It would seem, then, that a filter of some sorts would be appropriate, a means with which to discern appropriate worries from extrapolated fears... does this make sense? How to construct such a filter might well be left in the hands of one with more professional experience; my layman's approach would be to perhaps examine what fears would be in a legitimate scope - school, family, personal life - and define what those are. When a fear outside of those arises, then a red flag is risen to signal this may be extraneous.

Don't fear sounding arrogant; editing causes confusion. If I am to understand and offer any practical suggestion, it is best based on your perspective and perceptions. If you are uncomfortable, then please feel free to not elaborate, or do so privately. I'm genuinely hard to offend (except by those closest to me, strangely enough), and even then only by ignorance or cruelty on certain topics... so again, if you will - please explain. While I can't exactly understand, I do know that from my size I was the antithesis of grace for many years (and even now only somehow avoid hitting everything) while finding myself incredibly bored with repetitive education for rhetorical knowledge. That is what captivated me in music was the variation, the subtle interpretation in nuance and communication that could be expressed in symbols and rhythms. /off soapbox/ Anyway, I hope to hear more... finding a challenge often lies more in how we view things and less in how they are presented.


M.

The more I read of your posts here in this thread the more I see myself, but perhaps not to the extreme you feel the things you do about yourself.

While I am highly critical of my own self, and fear offending people to the extent that I will seek repeated assurance that I am not, I have long thought this stemmed from my feelings concerning wearing girl's clothing hiding this from people when I was younger.

So I am not saying we do the same things for the same reasons... just that I think I may better understand what you are feeling and saying.
When I visit the therapists (I see one for gender and one for ADD related issues), if they start to mention positive things about me or ask me to list such things, this can literally bring me to tears.
I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable talking about myself in such a manner.
I have no ability to conceptualize what it would be like... what it would feel like to think otherwise of myself.
Perhaps this is somewhat similar to what you experience?

I have no trouble complimenting other people or encouraging other people, but to have it turned towards me is pretty much unbearable.
I have purposefully missed a couple of awards functions where I was to be presented with things like a letter from our mayor when I worked for an EMS system.

I don't want to drone on about myself but I was just wanting to illustrate the fact that I also feel uncomfortable with my interactions among other people especially concerning my 'being liked' or being a good person.

I just visited someone recently and I realize I kept asking her if I was making a nuisance of myself and wondering if I was barging into her life and keeping her from doing more important things.
Even with her assurances that everything was fine, I just couldn't shake the uneasiness that I was making this huge intrusion into her life.
I really wanted to make sure I didn't make her not like me by being around her too much.

Anyway, I don't even know how/if I will get over my aversion, let alone be able to advise you on yours.

I do hope you find some way to live more peacefully with yourself though.

This is not something that's promising to hear, no offense. I found Wrong Planet because it was suggested to me by a mental health professional. She more or less told me to ask you guys, because my psychologists have gone out of ideas.



Do you mind if I ask for advice on how to handle those red flags when they show up? When I try to stop myself from worrying, I usually go into a panic attack or something akin there of. Again, I really am not trying to be mean at all.



I honestly understand that one. I cannot drive either.



Do you mind if I ask more about this? What kind of music do you play? I play several instruments, but these days I do not have anyone to play with. Do you have any suggestions?

I hope again that I am not trying to look worse than I am or anything.

Thank you all.

The statement regarding professionals is that sometimes there have been methodologies that work with the condition; if not, then you're on your own with the rest of us. The best way is to start. There will be failures, blow ups and blowbacks, and frustration. What you do with your red flags is a good question... would writing it down and having a place to dispose of it be a functional form of feedback? That way you're not trying to stop yourself, but channeling it down onto the page and processing it in one smooth step. Or saying it aloud, finding a way for the echo to come back and give yourself a moment within the panicked spasm to delve a little deeper and allow the unnecessary to pass. You're not being mean, you're clarifying your condition... no worries. Do any of these options seem like a viable starting point?


M.

Actually, writing it down to dispose of it sounds like a decent idea. I would really like to try nd start to do this. Do you think this would also allow me to see which fears are more reasonable?

It is feasible; don't burden your system with too many demands at first. If it is comfortable for you, then by all means I think it is a great method to begin addressing your situation - providing you do not allow it to become a fixation or obsession unto itself. Perhaps setting a time limit on how long to write, or other built-in monitoring process, would be advisable as something to prevent that if it is a concern. Writing it down may give you some of the perspective you are seeking... please, keep me advised how things are progressing and what you are finding works best for you, and what doesn't as well. Best wishes are with you -


M.

Thank you for your concern - I can only hope that I am not burdening you in any way.

As a side note, I am trying Saint John's Wort as an aside via someone's suggestion. As I have been long opposed to a lot of formal medication treatments for depression, considering their heavy side effects, I was looking towards this as a safe alternative. Do you have any opinions?