I'm scared- please help!

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Right now I am scared for my life. I feel incredibly depressed again like there's no hope. Totally hopeless and worthless. I'm not eating very much in the last few weeks. I have been experiencing some anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure and loss of interest) and no energy. I either sleep 12-14 hours or just 1-2 hours. Nothing in the middle. And as you can tell from my other thread, I get confused speech for around 20% of the day even though lately that number is higher. My arms have been moving in weird ways and sometimes it is uncontrollable. What I am scared about is the CIA and FBI. I feel them control me at times and they insert lots of thoughts into my head through a device in my non existent brain. You see that the things are being confused and don't know. There are neat wow but my arms and death. They tell me that I will die. Hallucinations are bad like cows I love. Why am I here? Not suicidal but the cruise will come. And the FBI said that to be free of control I must cut the chips out of my arms and head. I can't live and also aliens might invade me and Earth. People need brains. What's that? They send helicopters and cars to spy and read my mind. Anxiety is evil and why must I be the controlled by them. My trust for humans almost gone. They lie, cheat, and steal. I don't trust my psychologist or psychiatrist. I love my poison. Yum. I am fat and ugly. Mind is blank and why must it be? Hard to think because no brain in my head. I expect them to break into my house because I love the gov! No delusions. Just normal. Bush is more delusional than me. A Great Depression will come only because of my exteme depression so since I suffer the world is suffering as well. Gas prices? My fault. I'm just plain neurotic. I was what the now and I think and a burden on the planet. Once again, my fault. Need to cut the chips out to be free. I hate thought insertion. It is real. Must do it but afraid to go to the hospital. They will hold me down and inject me with Haldol or some other poison to kill me because they know how I ruin the world. Everything goes wrong, the story of my life. My brother is the most amazing thing! He has a brain and uses it well. Error! I love how Microsoft puts errors and that computers have bugs and crash all the time. My old psychiatrist at the hospital believes that my computer monitor emits some kind of rays that changes my brain chemistry by reading on the Internet. That is a delusion stupid doctor! People don't know anything and can't drive. They are a sloth or slower and just to annoy me. I wish and who the bird is fly. Who needs anything. Can't type today. Can't aim my fingers. What do I do about my depression?

Okay I could read part of your post and had to stop. Lot of it you said, the aliens, the CIA and FBI, all of it is all in your head. None of it is really happening. It's just your illness. I'd say check yourself into a hospital and get treatment.

Honey, you probably have Shizophrenia. Seriously, if you look at it in a logical point, why the heck would the FBI or the CIA would want to take over the mind of one unimportant (not that you're unimportant, but to the government you are) person.
I think you need to get some help. Shizophrenia is managable if you take the right meds. It's not that you're crazy, it's just like depression. You can't help it, it's just a chemical imbalance, and although you have to fight harder then most people, the end is worth it.

She does have it, I read her first post in her profile on the last page.

Severe depression can cause paranoia and scattered / strange thoughts. You haven’t stopped taking a medication that your doctor prescribed to you have you?

I take my lovely poison pills

They might not be working if you're still having these types of thoughts. I would go to your doctor and check it out, because I want you to be safe, okay?

Exercise
As ebec said, go to your doctor, maybe the poison pills aren't working as usual.
Laugh at your craziness (read the book Man's search for meaning)

You got my pm. Good luck Ill be praying for your swift recovery .

FireBird, I think right now, the depression should be the least of your concerns. Focus on getting help for your hallucinations and delusions.
If you don't have any family members you can talk to about this, then ring an ambulance or go to the nearest emergency room. Please, don't put yourself at risk by not getting help.

Last edited by Brittany2907 on 19 May 2008, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

need to adjust meds. CIA and FBI are not out to get you.

you mentioned uncontrolled movements. these are a symptom of tardive diskensia. this is a side effect of neuroleptics wich generally become permant after a while. the anhedonia can be a side effect to.

neuroleptics are only effective for 6 months before you become tolerant and start having parodoxical reaction and tolerance withdrawal.

i recommed going to a naturopath/homepath/ chinese medical practisioner

the initanial alternative treatment for pschizofrenia is b6 b3 in huge dosages phosphotydl serine and evening primrose oil.
going to an alternative practisioner can rid you forever of the need for meds and your symptoms.

well what is at least strange to me is fact that the psychiatrist doesn´t see the pills aren´t working and in the first place I also wonder if he has told you the right diagnosis at all??? well what you describe seems to me like schizophrenia, like it was already said, and for the uncontrolled movements you should see also a neurologist-maybe he will be more clever than the psychiatrist...

I don't think it is neurological because my whole life everything has been psychological and in my head. There is a disorder called conversion disorder that can cause uncontrolled movements.

This can be caused by over medication as well. I suggest you tell your doctor about these symptoms.

night bender was right about this to: "you mentioned uncontrolled movements. these are a symptom of tardive diskensia. this is a side effect of neuroleptics wich generally become permant after a while. the anhedonia can be a side effect to."

There is also something called Depression With Psychosis. Severe depression can produce schizophrenia-like symptoms in some people. It is commonly misdiagnosed as schizophrenia.