Just feeling unwanted, that's all.

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Not easy to start these kind of entries off. I'm pretty skeptical of people anymore, everybody. No longer convinced that anybody really cares what I write, or say, or for anything really.

For most of my life, I've had some short-term friendships, usually ended by my tendency to be "annoying", or a "pest". While I've thought my pestful tendencies have been reduced over the years, I feel like they must have returned, as I can't otherwise explain my apparent loss of a good friend that I've known for a couple years. Now it probably didn't help that I had/have a crush on her, but since we really only talk online I didn't think any evidence of my feelings for her had been leaked.

She came with me to my company picnic (my best friend couldn't go and I did pay $32 to be able to bring somebody, so I asked my other friend, lets call S, to come along and she agreed.) And the day with S was fun, although short since she got sick from some food and I had to take her home. Still, we conversed the entire time and had a lot of fun and we agreed we had to see each other again sometime soon. So we'd been talking online and I asked if I could take her to see the new Batman (which was several weeks ago, just making plans ahead of time) and she said no, because she really doesn't like movie theaters and just waits for stuff to come out on DVD. I didn't mind. Then I asked if she wanted to go out and eat someplace, but she said no to that too since she gets so hyper that she gets kicked out of restaurants. So apparently all of MY ideas for seeing her again have sucked. But that's okay with me since there's more ways to have fun than just dinners and movies. She's easily amused just like me.

But it sure would be helpful if she had, even once, suggested an idea of her own for us to do something together.

My other group of friends (really basically just friends of my best friend that put up with me) really wanted to meet S too since I told them how cool she is, so they asked me to invite her along to a few friend type outings. Two parties and the beach... S said no to all three, saying she had to work all those days. Okay, so that's plausible too. But still I'm bit annoyed by this point that every time I suggest something and she doesn't have a problem with the idea itself, it's always "I'm working", but then she never says anything like "But maybe we can do it on this date instead." Nope, it's always the end of the story once she rolls that out. At least that's where I end it... out of fear of being annoying if I keep asking "What about this day? How about the day after? The day after that then maybe?" I don't like pressuring people into doing stuff if they actually don't want to.

Last time her and I really talked was 2 weeks ago, when I told her about my amateur movie idea. She loved it and was excited about the idea and even volunteered to do the soundtrack for it! Gave ideas of places we could film it at and everything. But then she vanishes for a few days, doesn't come online. When she's on again, she says she's at a friend's house and can't really talk... the next day she's at the same friends house and still can't talk.

That was early last week, and haven't heard from her since. Sent her a text message two days ago asking what she's been up to, and still got 0 reply. But she's still active on Facebook (I barely use it but logged in tonight for the first time in a while), so I know she didn't get kidnapped or something. Seems to be in touch with her friends just fine.

All her friends but me.

Thought about sending her a message to figure out what's been going on with me getting ignored, but I'm not very confrontational.

When I annoyed away all my past friends, it was usually evident by a gradual avoidance of me, ignoring my calls or coming up with excuses about why they can't talk on the phone or hang out and stuff like that. I'd always been naive enough to believe them, until I found out from someone else that the person finds me annoying and no longer wants anything to do with me, but just can't be honest enough to tell me themselves. I don't take hints; I'm totally unaware of the existence of any "hints", whether it be hints of interests or of rejection. NT's seem to depend on them an awful lot for communication.

So now I'm confused about S's behavior. I thought maybe I weirded her out asking her to the movies and dinner, but her vanishment and ignoring of me would have had a 3-week delayed reaction for that to be the cause. Regardless though, I still never seemed to be worth her time since all my other ideas for seeing her again with my friends were also rejected. Now maybe she is telling the truth about having to work all those times, and maybe there's something wrong with her computer, and her phone for that matter. But then I know how NT's generally love to play these sort of avoidance games to avoid telling me how they really find me to be a pest and want me out of their life. I can't think of anything I've done to be annoying, but then again I could never detect it in the past either. I'd hate to confront her about it and be wrong, but at the same time, being right with my suspicions is just as bad.

I feel paranoid too for even having these suspicions at all. Shouldn't I be a good friend and trust her that there's a legitimate reason for all this? But then, shouldn't she be a good friend and at least make some non-zero effort to arrange for us to hang out again rather than making me do all of the initiating and having all of my ideas rejected?

We don't have mutual friends, so I'll never find out from anybody else what she really thinks about me... and I feel like NT's have screwed me over so much in the past, that I don't really expect an honest answer from any direct questions about it, making asking useless.

I just want to know, did I screw up again? If so, how? If not, how can I apologize for my paranoia?

And of course, is it really her fault that I feel unwanted, or is it just in my head?

You try too hard.

She's sending you hints that she doesn't want to see you that often.

With girls, its important not to constantly be there, you're too available, they need to want you, so the best way to do that is back off.

What you've done is scare her and everyone else away with your clinginess. Face it, you need to stop clinging and start swinging.
It probably isn't your personality per se, but your knack to think just cause someone likes you, you think they want you around all the time. I get tired of the same people a lot, especially when they bring nothing new to the table.
You start off strong, but you try too hard. I don't know how things are with your friend, but give her some space and then check back in a while, after that make your appointments limited.

The picnic was a date and she enjoyed that, but then you wanted more and you didn't give her any space. You kept on trying and as a result, you're in the doghouse. That's why your a pest, you just don't know when to back off and leave people alone.

Yeah, I don't get the hints either so I was shocked and stunned and cried a lot for a long time when I got booted out of a group that I helped start. My rule is, if somebody says no five times in a row and does not suggest alternatives, then the relationship I thought was there isn't. You don't need to confront. Just drop it.
I'm sorry. After being booted I spent a lot of time feeling bad that I can't tell when I have a friend or not. I went to an autism meeting where an autistic person was talking about how to make friends and my epiphany was that I am handicapped in this area, and I will make mistakes. So will I stop trying because the mistakes hurt so much and go hide in a cave or will I keep on trying and maybe find some friends along the way (I do have true friends, but it takes longer than I think to find out for sure) and just recognize that I will sometimes be wrong? My husband has crippled feet, so he has to lie down a lot. I have a crippled hint noticer, so I will make social mistakes. That doesn't end the world.

Windscar answered while I was typing. Windscar has it right, I think. Sounds harsh, but when you know the truth, you can find a way to work with it.

I read it quickly - so I hope I don't misinterpret.

But ... it seems to me that you might like this girl in a romantic way ???? or the girl might think you are interested in her in a romantic way, perhap!!

So ---- it is hard to find a romantic partner, often it takes awhile to find someone with whom you can share a mutual attraction.

If this girl thinks you are interested in romance, and she doesn't feel the same -- she will likely avoid you. And this is what she seems to be doing.

It is the same for everyone.

You are very young, just 22, you need to move on ... perhaps.

I don't think you try to hard. If you don't try you will never succeed.

Perhaps you just need to learn to know, when to give up and back away.

With your attitude and persistance ... you will find someone.

I agree that she's sending LOUD hints that she doesn't want to see him. I disagree that it has anything to do with his clinginess. They only actually met once, after all! The rest of the time she was turning him down so no way was 'too much contact' the problem.

If someone is attracted to someone else, they will WANT to spend time with them, not make unsubtle excuses to avoid them.

I think LeonKrahe did as close to the right thing as possible. He even came up with a totally creative dating idea that would delight many women! If they were actually attracted to you, that is. This one was a lost cause from the start, more or less. He should just move on, but accept that he is in no way at fault here, it just didn't work out.

I don't think that this girl necessarily wants to sever all ties with you; I think that might make more sense if you had noticed a gradual decrease in availibility/interest, but this seems pretty sudden. You said that she had shown a lot of enthusiasm for your movie project, and then sort of stopped talking to you. Unless you did something in between your conversation and her subsequent distance that would elicit such a strong negative response from her, I think the cause might be external. Maybe she really has been working all those times, and at her friend's house she really is busy and just can't talk. I'd say, for now just take her words at face value and give her the benefit of the doubt. You wouldn't want to accidentally end a friendship that could really have gone somewhere. Maybe wait a little while and make another attempt to talk or get together; depending on her response you'll be more certain as to whether or not she actually wants to maintain your friendship.

No, from what he said, it sounded like he crowded her, look, women don't like lamprey eels, its that simple. The unsubtle excuses were pretty normal given the circumstances.
Its not like he's totally unwanted, he just isn't wanted 24/7. Those were creative ideas, but try em' out one at a time, over an extended course, leave some time to herself and yourself. You've both got lives right?

Well I've met a couple of women who have had a thing for squids, but generally they want men that they are attracted too. And when they are attracted to a man, have you ever seen how much time they will spend with him? They will spend all day on the phone to a man they find attractive. No phone call or invite to a date is too much in this case. They will wait anxiously by the phone transmitting psychic energy to make him phone. And they will MAKE time for a date for a man that they want.

The amound of crowding acceptable depend on how much you like someone. For the right girl, his calls will be exactly what she wants to hear.