Fear of arobics in my own home now. 'sigh'

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Everytime I use my arobics dvds, I feel like I'm being gawked at even though there is no body there. I feel like I want to hide, and usualy wound up removing the DVD out of the computer. Thus, waisting my efforts. It's frustrating, I feel fear for some reason. In an arobics class I felt like I was the fatest, butchiest girl in the room, and that I was too noticable. I havn't been back into an Arobic's class with other people in person, since I recently stepped too far to the left side of the box, and made a loud crash and fall to the ground. The other women were so nice, and just ignored it. That was so embarasing, I felt so stupid.

I get an emotionaly hard time with it, and am getting really tired of it. I'm not that terribly concerned about my size. Though, I do hate feeling like the weakest person. That feeling makes my throat feel like someone is pushing the hollow spot at the base of my neck. I don't feel comfortable yet with arobics classes, but strangly more uncomfortable with just useing DVDs. This wierd feeling of being judged starts nagging.

Sakes. I remember the first time I felt shocked and humiliated just by being the whimpiest person in a room full of others. We were in PE class, and it was only Kindergarted. We were all split into two rows. I was excited because my peers were enjoying the race, and having fun competing. I couldn't wait to get onto the flat square with four wheels, pick my feet up behind me, and shove myself across the floor to.

Well, it was horrible. My turn came around, and I got down onto my stomack all excited. It was frustrating enough to watch EVERY child in the other row whisk by me while I shoved with my might. I wasn't fat either. I was a scrawny thin, little girl. I turn around, and the other team already finished, and mine were all pissed off because they didn't get to play. The name calling started getting louder and louder, and the further I went the more I was crying and feeling like a pathetic weakling. The whole room was bursting out loud, cept for the lazy arse teacher and one other girl.

The teacher just stood there like a dumb arse and didn't stop or do anything! I forgot that it happened for a long time. PE classes after that didn't seem very inviting to me. (wander why ) Insults all the way till junior high. In junior high, I beat up other kids that teased me on purpose. Even through a chair once. I was so sick of being made fun of, I literaly couldn't take it. In grade school, I got avoidance of hand contact, poo poo jokes, "your so ugly", death wish jokes, called whimpy, ect. So yeah, I can see why I feel like a displayed freak in Arobics class, but to feel worse trying to it at home? SUCKS! I didn't ask for this little phobia!

kinda understand u i got teased also as kid and even i just gived payback i got guestioned by it