what future?

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I really can't be bothered with life sometimes. I don't feel depressed, I just wanna die or wish I was never born. When I have to think about stuff like work, money, bills, houses, tax, fuel, studying or my career I just wanna lie down and go to sleep forever.

I've felt like that may a time before. One time, I felt my body slowing down, breathing slowing, my eyes closing, and keeping upright was not easy. I have never died but I would put it close to dying as experiences go.
I just remember who it would affect if I was to die by accident or voluntarily. Then I cheer myself up with my goals in life and how I feel when I achieve them. Most people seek new goals as the current one was good until they achieved it.


Not every day is the same you know different people at different times out side the house. Anything can happen and you may just miss it.

I have goals. I just can't be bothered at the moment.

Toward the end of my last year in high school I felt this way. Felt like I myself was the anchor, and something else was pulling me forward. The wrestling season was particularly grueling for this reason, I had absolutely NO desire to compete, yet I did anyway. Twas expected of me, I had an unspoken obligation to continue, I did and I did rather decently. I lost the fire, probably why I was never a champ... Was a mad "clockwatcher" during practice, oy, if only I had the heart...

And you're right, depression doesn't really "fit." It's not that, it's like I want a "pause" on everything, just so I can recharge, and redirect. Stuff piles up, and then there seems like there's no end anywhere at all, and I want to leave everything behind. Seems like too much, an overload. I of course realize this thought is irrational, as really my life ISN'T so overloaded, and people put up with worse every day, and that's basically how I keep going. My situation isn't half as bad as a ton of other people's, just really wish I would realize this naturally.

yeah, my life isn't that stressful either. I love competing, and I won a couple of big golf competitions lately, but its nothing really is it? without a job or no direction in terms of a career.