I'm being torn apart

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Well, 2 1/2 years ago I met this girl on a pen pal site who I really got attached to. And when I talked to her I thought we had alot in common, and a few months later I fell in love with her and told her so. Nothing happend, but to the presnt day I still have feelings for her, idk if its exactly love, but shes special to me. A month or 2 ago she told mer how she started drinking to get drunk and how cool it was that she pased out, which dissapointed me very much, beacuse she told me a year ago shed never drink, and she complained how someone put vodka in her cola a few months ago. And I thought she was shy with not very many friends like me <although I knew she couldnt be an aspie>, turns out shes very outgoing and and has tons of friends and goes to alot of parties. Im not saying I dont like her cuz she does that, just I thought I knew her, and I was very wrong. And im very jealousabout that she lives in an amazing city, she has lots of friends, her family has money and she has fun, things i'll never/hardly have. I cant stop thinking about it, and one of my friends wants to go to the city she lives in when were older, but the thought of the girl there just kills me. And the other thing thats bothering me is that im very worried about the future, it just seems like everything is going downhill, such as the ecnomey, and that im not prepared for life at all. And beacuse of these things Ive hardly enjoyed my summer at all, and I havent even been eating as much as I should beacuse when im nervous, my appitite dies, and I cant even enjoy being with my friends. Ive even lost intrest in my fav obbession music. Sorry if this seems like a self-pietying rant, but Id really like some help.

you cannot go wrong by thinking a person is special.

but a person cannot be SO special that she can mess up your life. It sounds like you have turned some safeties off, and while keeping respect for this girl you should turn them back on. Easier said than done and if I ever had a manual for how to do that, I've lost it.

as far as the future; people that are willing to help others and have some skills will always have a place in society. Maybe learn how to grow food for yourself and your friends. This will help you feel more confident.

I think that you definitely have feelings for this girl, judging by the behavior that you've described. However, it seems as though she may be heading down a dark road, or at least a road that is not in her best interest to go down as a teenager. It's risky for a young lady to leave her drink unattended so that a person would be able to put vodka in it, because that person could have put GHB in it and raped her. It may help you to remind yourself that, even if you want to be friends with her still, her personality is easy to misjudge.


If it helps, I often get nervous and disinterested with my hobbies towards the end of summer, but those feelings go away when school gets underway and I am back into a routine.

Best of luck! PM me if you need someone to talk to, as always.