I hate being aspie

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Right now if a cure was offered, I'd take it. I hate feeling like a genetic freak. I hate living in a world where neurotypicals have no clue what it's like to live with the f****d up brain that I have.

I know what you mean there. Though there are times I'm glad to have the benefits of AS, there are others when I can't stand not being able to do things that any normal person can do. It's a blessing and a curse. People all the time tell me to just do it but it isn't always as easy as that though I am trying.

If you don't mind me saying, your username reminds me of the way I used to be, and of the old feelings that are trying to come back within me. I turned my back on the world and blamed it for my problems when really, my problems weren't anybody's fault, not even my own. I was born the way I was, I didn't have a say in the matter. If I did, I wouldn't have AS or at least none of the bad aspects of it. Nowadays, I try to accept that people are different for many reasons and that I am no better or worse than they are. Sure I may rant and vent about NTs every once in a while but it's better than keeping inside, like I did for so many years.

But that isn't to say that life with AS isn't hard for some. Maybe a cure would be worth it. I do like some things about AS but I can't my inability to relate to others.

I can relate with you entirely. Whilst there are times when I enjoy the fact that I am an Apsie, I have gone through so many incidents where I just wish that I could get rid of it. It sucks. NTs have no idea what it is like to be an apsie, and judge you because of their narrow mindedless.

I know it isn't going to help, but hang in there. I think nerely every apsie will have felt the same way as you at least once.

Someone (who was trying to make me feel better) once told me that when you view others from a distance, as an observer not a participator - they seem to have everything figured out, their lives seem, dare I say it perfect. However when you come close enough to them you realize that they also have difficulties, insecurities and the like. They are a lot more like you then you think.

Ive never really had the nerve to try and suround myself with others/NT's, so I dont really know if what was said is true or not. Somehow I cant really seem to accept it. Being an outsider has its benefits, but feeling like a misfit can be horrible.

I think many of us know where you are coming from. I can pass for NT for awhile, but then people somehow start discerning that I'm different. I live in that no man's land of a gap between NT and Aspie.

IWB I thought of this one person I was talking to the other day. She is an artist, married with children and has a nice home. I remember thinking this is the way I'd like to be and have a home very similiar. Then she told me her story about her first marriage and the abuse ect that occured later in that relationship. And many other things I wouldn't have guessed so you never know till a person truely starts opening up what their real storry is.

Hang in there man.