<Rant>

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Feel pissed off at myself and having suicidal thoughts that I haven't had in a while. Been feeling up and down lately. The ups aren't all that good. I missed so many opportunities in life and now feel like it's all gone.

All I want to do is drink right now but it seems to get me into trouble anymore so...

I f*****g hate whatever is the problem with me whether it be AS or not. My whole family treats me like I'm different now ever since I got this "socially ret*d" diagnosis. All I wanna do is escape, I'm sick of dealing with life and its terms espeacially death.

End of Rant.

No feedbacks really needed just had to get it off my chest.

i find it interesting that the family is treating you differently for havinig a diagnosis. you are still the same as before.

Well I really don't want to explain because it won't make any sense unless you've been in that position. Just the little things like events and get togethers.

I've tried hard to stay in touch but now it feels pointless. I've already lost two friends so don't know what to really look forward to in life anymore except work work work and then live by just existing and typing into this support site or whatever.

<edited>don't really want to go into depth now.

I am sorry - I didn't know you were having difficulties. I do understand about your not needing/wanting to give details. For me, I can become overwhelmed (at extreme levels) but it's cumulative, not just one or a few events. This makes the explaining part hard plus often just the process of explaining is exhausting.

I do not know if this is true of you, but I this way. In any case, I do hope you feel more settled, and better, really soon!

I do not drink, never have, but I guess there are some Aspies that do. I am technically a HFA and have no addictive disorders (indicative of HFAs in general, but not necessarily Aspies).

BUT.....I am meltdown prone! Seriously meltdown prone. Lately I have had meltdowns repeatedly and at staggering intensity. I am really shy/quiet and I meltdown in private and it hurts.

I guess I didn't give any advice, but overall: Feel better soon MissConstrue

BTW, I love your username. Very clever indeed.



Sometimes, it's difficult to tell between your perception of being treated differently because of the "label", or that you really are being treated differently.

I agree that this idea is "stupid", but unfortunately it is true that very often NTs seem to treat someone differently once they have a diagnosis for some one. Of course, you are still the same person, but now you feel as if you have a stigma/label attached to you.

My advice to you is to embrace the label. This can be the most liberating moment in your life; after all, being AS/autistic/whatever is what makes you particularly cool and special. If friends blow you off simply because you're diagnosed, feel lucky to be done with shallow "friends". Find others online or IRL nearby through support groups, etc to connect.

Be positive to your family and to your friends - let them know you love them and value the relationships. Use good social skills - by the way, some of the best advice you can get regarding that comes from other users here.

Most importantly, DO NOT HARM YOURSELF. You may feel terrible right now, but with enough encouragement from family and friends, things WILL GET BETTER.

Please keep in touch. I want you to do well and feel well, and so does everyone else here.

You've got some very impressive good qualities, MissConstrue. Nobody else here has the same perspective and style as you. I know it's the internet, but I also know there's a real human sitting at your keyboard coming up with that stuff.

I don't need to tell you what alcohol involves. I will say I'd hate to see that happen to you again.

I'm sure the particulars in my case are totally different from yours, but a lot of what you're saying here feels awfully familiar to me. I understand regret and despair, so I've got some idea at least, what you're going through.

And you looked lovely in that picture in your flower garden.

There's a guy out there who cares about you, wishing you the best.

I'm sorry MissConstrue. Most people want to remain blind to certain social fixtures, and family members are not immune to this. You shouldn't want to kill yourself though, think of the damage that would place on all those around you that share yourself with. Many people would miss you.

Who said anything about self harming?

I know how you feel. The better option would be to just escape them, not to see them for a while. Hopefully they'll appreciate you more when you see them again. I often felt like just ending it all, but I thought about it thoroughly, negatively and positively. I couldn't let my brother explain to his son where his Uncle was. He would think less of me whilst I weren't there so I would be hurting him.

Always remember that you are liked/loved by many people on this site, MissConstrue

Whenever I tell people that my parents abused me, they start treating me differently, like somehow I'm a different person because they found out this fact about me. Also, when I first discovered I had rheumatism, I found out in hurry who my real friends were. Some people just do not have the strength of character to deal with someone who is different from them.

Hang in there. I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I've heard that it's really tough.

Alice, your the coolest person I ever met here ya know
I really enjoy talking to you, and feel you deserve all the great stuff life has to offer
I am kinda crappy with words, but I think your terrific
I know life can be hard, and normally I don't try to give all this "its gonna get better crap"
if there is anything I can do to help please let me know
I treasure all the time I get to talk to you, and would be heartbroken if you left

I know how you feel in some ways. Everyone treats me like I'm different, even before they knew I had AS. I guess that's one reason I became this "social maverick" that I claim to be. At first I thought that was the right way to go but now I know that really isn't much of a solution.

I agree with everyone in that you are a great person. In fact, you are probably the most loved and popular person on the site and I'm proud to be your friend. You were my first friend on the site and have helped me in a lot of ways. Wrong Planet would not have been the same without you. It can get hard but all you can do is hang in there.

I wish you well.

MissConstrue, there is little I can say. But from what I've read of your writing I sense you're unique. The world can't have enough of your wisdom.
Perhaps too much wisdom is letting you see how fake the "real" world is. That shock is the price of having your eyes open. You're too good, too special to give up.

Thanks caturo and the rest.

I'm doing better now but it's hard for me to deal with day to day loneliness and people. I just wish I knew how to confront without coming off angry or passive. I think people and some members in my family that don't know me well enough, take me the wrong way.