I want to die. Now. Feeling suicidally depressed.

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I am scared for my life now. I am having non-audible voices that are telling me that my pills are poison and have a tracking device in them. This "voice" is my protector and tells me about the government's plot to kill me. Right now would be good government. Go ahead. Do it. Hopefully they shoot me or something. Remember that "great" art show I have been talking about? Well, apparently that isn't going well either. Originally I was going to be the only one showing my art there and now I am just part of a whole bunch of others. It was going to be big, now its nothing. Useless. I am hopeless. My brother is amazing. He will be rich. I will be totally broke. Living on the streets. I have so many sources of thought insertion. I have the government telling me things that I didn't do, my 10 personalities ( I also have DID), and this person who tells me things about the government. I have every disorder on this planet. I was deliberately put on this Earth to suffer. I am scared to tell my parents about the poison or the suicidal thoughts. I know where I'll end up. I am worthless. I am constantly feel like I'm being choked. Pressure against my throat. Anxiety is bad too. Birthdays bring me bad luck and they have been for 2 years now. I can't keep on living in pain and suffering. Everything goes smoothly for my amazing brother. There will be a Great Depression and it will be my fault. I am nothing but a burden on my family. All I see is darkness ahead with no light. The government is reading my mind right now. None of my thoughts are private. I lost interest in things I used to love including my art. I haven't been able to sleep for 4 days. At least not the required amount of sleep. What's sleep? It is a struggle everyday.

FireBird,

Hate to tell you this - a bit direct.

You're showing classic schizophrenia symptoms.

Go see a medical practitioner asap. There's a medication that will suppress the voices etc.

They aren't real. I have one very close friend with the problem and two other close friends with brothers showing those symptoms. It's always the same.

Please go to the Emergency Room and tell them what you just told us.

Excellent advice and please keep us posted. F.Y.I a friend of mine had the same problem, she doing very well now...no voices.

Call a mental health crisis line. If you dont know the # of one call your operator and if the operator cant help you directly, call 911.
MAKE THE CALL RIGHT NOW!

This is Not a Joke!! !! !! ! You are in danger and you must get help BEFORE its Too LATE!! !!

BTW FireBird, are you using/been using hallucinogens?
If the answer is yes than you're either having a severe flashback or a VERY Bad Trip. But that doesnt make the situation any less critical.

Sleep deprivation can cause audio-hallucinations too. It's not necessarily schizophrenia... but you should still go to the ER like the others said.

I am not actually "hearing" the voices. It is just thought insertion. Same effect though. Yes, I'm still alive...for now. And no, I ain't doing drugs of any kind. Drugs are evil! I don't smoke or drink either.

talk to a psychiatrist possibly they are good with dealing with these things they might be able to help you

Hi Firebird - I can sense you're really suffering. Like the others have said, please see a doctor. If you feel uncomfortable to reveal, print what you posted and show your doctor. Any doctor should give you a referral asap. Suicidal intent should be taken SERIOUSLY. Just curious - is you Dx Asperger's Syndrome &/or HFA? What precisely is your Dx (just rhetorical, you do not need to answer here)? But share this information with a doctor, regardless.

I do hope you feel better soon. There is medication/treatment to help. I sure don't know, but if you're taking prescription medication for AS, this certainly could effect your thoughts/behavior - another consideration.

That being said, you are exhibiting symptoms of classic schizophrenia. In any case, see a doctor right away. Please don't hurt yourself....You'll be okay w/ treatment. Plus, you have friends here.

>>>my pills are poison and have a tracking device in them.

>>>i am not actually "hearing" the voices. It is just thought insertion. Same effect though. Yes, I'm still alive...for now. And no, I ain't doing drugs of any kind. Drugs are evil! I don't smoke or drink either.

I don't understand, here you say that your pills are poison, and then later you say you are not on any medications. What ever you are taking could really be messing you up pretty bad. The thought insertion thing can happen when you start to believe lies other people tell you. I actually had some bad paranoia for a while because I believed all kinds of stuff, but I was just picking up my husband's feelings without realizing what the cause was. Eventually I fixed it by hanging inverted pentacles on the door of our bedroom.

I am on medication. Just not illegal drugs. I take Invega, Geodon, and Zoloft. Yes, I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I will tell you that I have also been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I don't agree with that diagnosis though.

Please let your brother know about this, or contact another family member who you trust. Each of us deserves a chance at a good life. You have a greater purpose here. There's no reason to feel bad about contacting your parents, they're supposed to be there for you during difficult times. Happiness is not measured by money and success. I recommend taking some time to heal and rest. Health comes as a first priority, the other interests can wait.

I am considering going to the hospital in the next few days. I am still feeling suicidally depressed and its still getting worse by the day. I don't know if I can make it to my 25th birthday on the 19th. Like I said before, birthdays bring bad luck!! Don't know why.

Go there now. Be honest about how you're feeling. Your best remedy is action, so go there now.

FireBird, please go to the hospital.