Running out of options

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I haven't posted about it, and have actually been trying to hide it for a while, but I'm lapsing into severe depression. I've been like this now for at least 6 months, and have been unable to get help. None of the therapists I contact return my calls, which means there's no way to set up an appointment. Even if I get an appointment, I have no transportation to get to and from appointments (public transit is not sufficient to get me from place to place when I don't know where I'm going or don't have knowledge of local roads). I can't take pills for it because I either have severe adverse reactions and/or have no positive effects from it. After six months of absolutely zero responses, and having gone through the entire list of in-network therapists I can actually go see, I can't see any more options. If institutionalized, I will worsen to the point of no return. I can't afford to go out of network. All I can do, it seems, is withdraw while everyone blames me for my inability to get help...

have u tried online services?

if u google depression help something useful should come up.

support groups like beyond blue have websites.

I have, but it hasn't helped. I'm at that point where even my sex drive's dead, and nothing effective is available to get help for the real problems if I can't get therapy...

Have you tried Samaritans? It didn't work for me (I wasn't sure what to say), but a lot of people find they help.

As tweetyfan said, websites are great. Also, you could browse through the self-help section in your local bookstore/library.

I don't mean to sound harsh- I don't know the details of your depression or how much you've already tried- but it might not be such a good idea to pin your hopes on the therapists. They aren't always effective, and if you may end up even more gutted if you feel they can't help. I know depression comes with a feeling of helplessness (I have it myself), but this is a really self-defeating mentality and I think the more you try to deal with it yourself (with the help of books etc), the better in the long run.

The thing is, therapy HAS helped in the past. I just can't seem to free up my schedule. I've been contemplating taking a semester off, but that can have negative consequences too, especially at this point. If I do take off a semester, I don't know what I'll do with myself. I DO have a need for socialization which is perpetually unfulfilled. I'm constantly criticized for being indecisive and only being able to act on someone else's behalf. I don't honestly even know what I want. I get a "buildup" every once in a while that only stops when I try to harm myself, either by repeatedly punching myself in the face or cutting myself just enough to draw blood (no pain, but licking the blood tends to calm me). If I engage in self-harm any further, it'll be assumed that I'm suicidal and I may be institutionalized, which would only serve to harm me. Oh, and I've already gone through the self-help section. I did that back when I was trying to hide my suicidal intentions and attempts, when I blamed myself for what my mother kept doing to me (no, not sexual abuse, but every other kind).

First of all, good to know that you know there's something wrong with you, and you've decided to do something about it :)
Now the hard part:

1.- exercise. 50% of your success will depend on this.
2.- go out (take the sun) sun is good for you. 50% of your success will depend on this.
3.- read this book: Man's search for meaning, by Viktor Frankl. 50% of your success will depend on this. This book saved my life.

You need to do this FOR YOURSELF, it's your life, and you know you want to live, so you're already on the right track.

thumbs up man, and keep us updated.

and yes, the percentages maybe are not right =P

Ah, a sort of damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenario...

It probably depends on how well you think you'll cope without therapy during your semester. If you feel you can't, then you might be as well to take time out (lots of people do this for a variety of reasons). On the other hand, if you could last until vacation, that gives you time to find a therapist and you won't miss class.

Alternatively, maybe find a therapist closer to where you study. In the meantime, you could maybe try joining a couple of clubs in order to socialise (best to pick ones you actually find interesting)

First off, your percentages add up to 150, not 100. Second, strong light of any kind, including sunlight any time other than late fall/winter, really bothers me to the point where I get severe headaches. Third, I have read that book, and it didn't really help all that much. Only served to remind me of what I don't have in my life, and I already have enough reminders from people I have tried and failed to remove from my life. In the end, I may just have to take that semester off and hope for the best, but that could cause me to lose my insurance, since my insurance is through my dad and I'm only on his policy because I'm a full-time student. If that happens, I can't afford therapy anyway. Hopefully, my Medicaid application will go through, but there's a legal issue there involving a certain hated person in my life who tried to pull a fast one on the government and got caught, which means I have to wait for a trust to be refitted to meet the requirements set forth to allow me to qualify for Medicaid. With that, though, comes SSI, which could potentially limit my employment options temporarily, especially if I'm taking a semester off. I don't want my recovery to be at the cost of my education or my shot at graduate school.

I was joking about the %

Don't take the semester off, it's better to be busy.

If the sun bothers you, wear sunglasses. Problem solved.

The book is not about reminding you of what you don't have. It's a book about ATTITUDE, about DOING THINGS instead of complainning, it's about DECIDING instead of letting things pass you by.

You try wearing sunglasses in a classroom at night and see how you get treated. Also, it doesn't help much with sunlight, even when it fully blocks all UV light.

Alaris, I'm wondering if you are actually enjoying your depression in some twisted way. Some people don't get over depressions because they subconsciously do not want to. Why are you feeling this way?

Just a thought.

It's a long and personal story that I'd rather not relate on a message board.

Fair enough. I will pray for you if you like.

I appreciate the gesture, though I have my doubts about religion...

Alaras,
Have a look at this place:

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/forums.html

What sort of things did you like to do, or gain enjoyment from, before you fell in the black hole?

To be honest, even before this episode started, I've been dysthymic for the past several years. I honestly can't even remember the last time I enjoyed something to any appreciable extent. All I know is that I'm good at faking it.