anxiety attack?

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I think i am having an anxiety attack. I am still looking for a job after quitting my last one. I am not one who just quits a job, but this was a rough place. In the three months i worked there, they went through five different managers. counting myself. I quit because the smoke was giving me laryngitis, and the fact that twelve hour shifts were killing me along with my music. I got to see my husband once a week for any substantial amount of time. It was stressing me out. When i get like this, i withdraw and i dont want to be touched, and i forget that He does. I dont think i could have sustained it for too much longer and stayed sane. I am now without work and i feel like a total loser. Its not for lack of application, as a matter of fact, I have an interview tomorrow and i feel like i wanna die tonight. I dont know if i want to work for this company, because i dont want to make the same mistake over again and end up in the same place again. I cannot describe it, but it feels like this pain that strikes me in the core of my back and chest like a grabbing claw. I feel terrible, and i know that there is this painful despair that comes with it. I start to worry like i am never going to get a good job again and that my luck has run out. Then it makes me want to just cut.... just a small area. Just a needleswidth to let it out. I promised my husband i would not do it again, and i wont. I just want the pain to go away. It honestly hurts. I exercised today, even went and looked for work today, tried to go on anyways but it still hurts. I know it probably has something to do with missing my meds yesterday.. oh why do i do that sometimes? Its agonizing. I am tired of feeling this way. I am so impatient and worried all the time. WHen something feels out of my control, I find that my mind feels like it is unravelling and its difficult to do anything. I just want it to stop... If i could beat it out of myself i would. just to let off some steam. I want it gone....

Please don't attach your self-respect to a job! I know what I'm saying, I did exactly that for a very great long time. Eventually I crashed, which was a blessing in disguise. Now I live humbly but free. It took a long time to recover because my self-image was bound up with having a job. You are *not* a failure. You might be a square peg in a round hole.

It sounds more like depression or some type of nervous breakdown. Panic attacks happen suddenly and only last a couple minutes. I hope things soon get better for you.

I have suffered similar episodes before and am even mildly suffering one now. I don't know if I can recommend the ways I know of dealing with them in good conscience, as obviously they are not working so well if these episodes are persisting.

But I want to help you. I do. So just in case it helps in even a tiny, tiny way... you're not alone. I'm down here, too, and yeah, it sucks. But we've been down here before, and surely we must have gotten out at some point to fall here again, you see? So eventually we'll make our way up there again.

Everything will be okay.


Edit: Panic attacks do come on suddenly, jawbrodt, but they can last around half an hour, or even ebb and flow in cycles for several hours.