Handling my Emotions

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First of all, let me start this off by saying that I genuinely want to change for the better. I have a tough time handling emotions and there has been little that could be done for me yet. I know it annoys other people that I am constantly nervous and apologetic, but I find it incredibly difficult to stop considering that when I do I feel intense guilt and sometimes even physiological pain from not being able to be reassured of my innocence. Furthermore, whenever I begin to feel happy or genuinely enjoy myself, I start to feel even more intense guilt. I have this complex that it is not permissible for me be happy because there are unhappy people in the world. I am stuck with the thought that I need to assist everyone. However, when I try to release myself from this, I feel genuinely selfish over the thought.

Am I a terrible person for thinking this way?

Thank you.

No, you're not terrible. It seems like you're getting a lot of different feelings at once and maybe altogether it can be confusing. If you aren't used to feeling good, then it can be unsettling when you do. It sounds like trying very hard but not being appreciated for those efforts. I hope you can relax and feel comfortable with feeling good within yourself and not feel guilty at all if others at times aren't also feeling that way. Everyone has to fix their own problems and no one can be responsible for others' problems either. Just try to allow yourself to feel well and leave it at that if you are able. I'm sorry if I have misunderstood the intention of your post by way of my response to it.

No, no that is really quite helpful. I did not mean to sound confusing if I did. So, you believe that I am unsettled because I am so unused to feeling good? That actually makes a great deal of sense, and explains a lot of how I think. That could really be a key to solving my trouble. Thank you

Your original post sounded like something I would have said or thought many years ago and sort of instinctively felt like I understood where you were coming from. So yes, if you can focus on getting more comfortable with those positive attributes within yourself rather than making any judgements upon yourself negatively for it, you can probably be at peace with yourself much sooner than I was able to be. You sound like a very good person and you have every reason to feel good about that. Don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise.

Thank you once again

Hey all again. I didn't want to start up a new thread, since I've seen some people accused of starting up too many. Nah, I just don't want to clutter up the screen. Hope that's alright.

I have a problem when I hear other people suffering. Every time someone complains to me, or mentions their family is hurt in any way, or anything of the sort, I am overcome with grief. At the same time, I am overcome with guilt, because I feel that I deserve to suffer that way instead of them. I have been told this is estranged behavior, but as the old adage goes I guess, the insane man does not admit his own insanity. To me, this seems like perfectly rational thought, and I feel I deserve to suffer.

Any comments?

That's really good way to put it... plus, when you are feeling down, depressed, anxious, etc. - you tend to have a high awareness of specific things going on around you (while others are supressed or pushed to the periphery). When you feel happy, I would imagine that it would be a pretty disorienting experience when you are familiar with the landmarks in the land of guilt and worry. You need not suffer on another's behalf... might suggest the Buddhist practice of detachment, allowing their pain to have space in your consciousness then let it pass, acknowledging the experience without adopting it for your own.


M.

And I should not feel bad for adopting such a system? I feel that, essentially, I simply do not deserve to be happy and as though I could be depersonalized and my happiness transplanted elsewhere, in a case where it would do more good. As though, another person could use it better than I can. Is this simply flawed thinking?

It is not thinking conducive to the desired results. You, yourself, are the only one who can do anything with that happiness; otherwise, it is lost. If you experience it, however... then that experience can be shared with others. Does that make sense? I think adopting a new strategy here is a good idea.


M.

However, I feel that if I am joyful around people who are not, this is tantamount to being arrogant.

Thank you again for helping me by the way.

Perhaps to some - but that is their choice. If you are not happy, then how can you positively influence those around you? You may offend the rare few, but you will also brighten the day of many others.


M.

Vashna,
It sounds like you may be an empath. This is a wonderful talent if you learn how to protect yourself.