Please Help Me

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Hey. I am making this post for little but selfish reasons. I just need a little boost right now, and it's not like I have any good friends to help me get through the hard times.

I'm just tired of being alone. Tired of having no friends. Tired of being single. Tired of feeling like a complete failure.

This is all having a huge effect on my work at college. I didn't have it this bad last year, but that's not to say I didn't have anxieties - they were just related to the stress of returning to academia. These feelings are more to do with my personal and social life. I feel completely inadequate as a human being - like I have nothing to offer anyone. I have serious mental and emotional issues, some of which I feel I cannot tell anyone. The annoying thing is that the longer I think like this, the less likely I have of improving myself. I know that to make myself likeable to others I have to learn to like myself, but I just cannot lie to myself so easily.

I try my best to pretend things aren't so bad when I'm around other people. I laugh, crack jokes and make conversation as usual, but it isn't even helping me get where I want to be. I often give up on trying to get to know new people, as I just expect the worst automatically.

Most days it just doesn't feel like it's worth the effort at all - like it's too late for me to mend everything that's gone wrong with my life. I'm in my mid-20s but I have almost nothing to show for it.

I'm sorry about the rant. If I don't do this, I'd just bottle it up for longer, and I've found out that runnining away from my problems or keeping quiet doesn't make them any more bearable.

Does anyone here have any advice for me? How can I cheer myself up? Can I really make friends when I feel this way?

(I posted here instead of the friendship forum, due to the tone of the post. I hope that's alright)

You're in the right place. And you're aware of what is happening, and how it is affecting you - these are huge first steps, as many won't take a first step. The inadequacy is a feeling I can relate to; during spells of intense loneliness and when I find myself frustrated at every turn, that is a familiar sensation. Learning to like oneself isn't a switch, but a process. What parts of yourself do you like? What do you want to change? Why? Examine motivations and processes. And begin to choose to like yourself, one aspect at a time. I don't know that one ever likes every part of themselves... I know I still deal with episodes of self-loathing, but they are fewer and far between comparatively. But I'm heading in a direction instead of treading water, or worse, drowning.

Expectations are a real barrier, but are an intrinsic challenge due to the nature of the condition... experiential data tends to create them so there is a functional set of parameters for us to be prepared for and to interact. Attachment is another thing that tends to cause sadness and frustration... have found the studies of Taoism and Buddhism helpful in this regard.

Life constantly changes, and in your mid-twenties there is a lot of change and turmoil, many pressures and external expectations that we are burdened with. Worry about your own expectations, and why you have them. And things can improve; I just got engaged last month, and am in my early thirties. Life is challenging, but giving up just isn't an option.


M.

Hi RedMetal. I am no expert on counseling, but I would like to help you. I also have Asperger's, and I can relate to your issues. I am 44 years old, and have recently had to go back to getting college classes due to a change in my teaching career. After 19 years of teaching English, I switched to the gifted program. After agreeing to take the job, I realized I needed all of this schooling and over 6,000 dollars in investment, not to mention all the times spent on lessons while still maintaining a full time teaching position. At first I was scared. Then I got mad at myself. But now, I have one more class to take and I will be finished.

When I feel hopeless, here's what I do. I spend some time by myself in the bedroom absorbed in an interest. Usually this involves working on my novel, or playing solitaire on my computer. The important thing is that it must be relaxing. Relaxation may bring on a nap. Rest can always do us good. Then, I find I am usually able to feel better about myself and tackle those things that made me feel bad to begin with. And those things usually don't seem as bad as they did before.

Something else you can try is to get in a quiet place and meditate on something you hope to accomplish. If you can spend about fifteen minutes everyday meditating on this "something," you may find yourself accomplishing the goal soon.

I don't know if I have offered you anything that you can use or not. But these things work for me. And sometimes it is ok for me to have a little cry---or have a little laugh when I feel blue. Check out a humorist/motivational speaker named Professor Carl Hurley. He makes me feel better. His motto is, "You might as well laugh."

Please respond back to me if you like as I would really like to offer you anything I can on dealing with stuff like this. I am going to see a social worker this weekend dealing with some issues in my life. Even though these issues are serious, I am maintaining a positive outlook on them. I wish you the very best.

Thank you for your replies. I'm sorry I took so long to respond. I've either been up late at college or just not felt like talking. I'm going to try to answer both of you in one post.

I don't really know what I like about myself. I suppose I like to think I have the best intentions; I don't go out of my way to make others feel uncomfortable unless they wish or do ill to me. I feel I have a good handle on morality and ethics. I like to think I'm somewhat knowledgeable for someone who barely reads at all.

I'd struggle to tell you everything I'd like to change - and it is almost everything. For a start, I wish I could actually develop a personality of my own, instead of attempting to adapt to my surroundings. I feel like a social chameleon, changing from immature to serious depending on my company. I know there are others who have even more social difficulties, but it seems I always struggle to make conversation unless the other person is very talkative. I suppose I get nervous and freeze up. I am always paranoid of what's going on around me and unless I'm in a comfortable environment I take a while to relax. As I see it, my anxiety and my unwillingness to take risks prevents me from making friends.

It's in part my lack of companionship that makes me feel so sad or anxious (and ocassionally angry) every morning. Apathy or overstressing prevents me from making it to class on time, and I even skip classes because I need time to calm down. I know I'll never achieve to my full potential in terms of academia and employment until I find satiusfaction in my personal life, but I also know that my poor self esteem and social issues are likely to prevent that from happenining also.

I do indulge in my interests, but that doesn't always work right now - it often makes me feel guilty. I will try to relax more, but late nights at college have prevented me from getting the sleep I probably need.

Okay. I don't know what to add, sorry. I'm tired and can't really explain things properly anyway.

I just wish we weren't so far apart, and that we could meet in-person.
I think that would make a big difference in my life, and maybe in Red Metal's life.
I would love to get to know you guys, quirks and all.