Rant (sorry about the spelling )

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It is hard for me to say this because I have developed trust issuses over the past month or two.

But I am sad, I feel worn down by all the stuff people expect me to do. Get off dissablity, get a job , go to collage, go make friend's , do activitys, the list goes on and on.

I thought moving out was a huge step for me , honestly quite a hard and scary step. But not enough for everyone else.

I was evaluated by dissablity and they said my recovery was possible but not expected . I have come through a psyicotic brake, grew up in 6 months after being regresed to the mental age of 10 , gotten off ALL of my medication, and a whole lot more!

I cant push my self any more, I NEED A BRAKE!! !! !!

Can't people let me rest? God! how many people can say they have come that far in only 3 years!

I keep hering from everyone that I'm not trying hard enough. They tell me I can't sit in my house all day wasting my life.

Well its my life and I desreve to have a brake , infact I NEED a brake.

I have no energy to keep going foward , I am not a robot! I need a brake to sit and do nothing for a change.

Why is that so bad? If they keep pushing me like this I won't go anywhere at all!

I need a brake, I have flashbacks that keep me up at night and I thrash around crying because the memorys are so horrable . But I am getting better each time I work through another flash back. Each time I do, I make peace with yet another part of my past.

But during this I can do all these things, I need to concentrate on this and this only.

I don't want people telling me I am wasting my life. They have no right to tell me that, they dont have any idea how horrably hard it was for me , and how hard it was for me to do any thing that I have acomplished.

It's MY LIFE AND I WILL LIVE IT HOW I WANT TO AND IF I WANT TO REST ITS MY CHOICE, I havent rested sence I was 5 years old and now I am going to take a brake.


And to thoughs people who toled me thoues things f**** you get off my back . I am on dissablity for a reason so mind your god d*** buisssness and let me live MY LIFE the way I WANT TO!


And another thing to my dad and joan, I'm not nuts you fu***n people , don't drag me down because you made mistakes when you were my age. I dont need medication I am getting better , and I am so sorry thats upsetting you. (sarcasum of course).

Um was agreeing with you right up until you started telling people off at the end, and specific people at that.

My suggestion, take a "weekend" where you just sit around and nap. After that hopefully you can feel recharged and get your get up and go back.

I don't know your particulars because you don't share them, but getting over being ill is hard on anyone and zaps your energy in and of itself.

After your weekend off look at your list and put numbers by everything and try to work at one thing at a time. You'll get there. Tell the people that are on you, that you are working on it, it's on the list, but you need to work on this before you can start that.

Things work out, man. They do.

Rent a couple movies and just lie around and be a bum for a weekend. Sometimes that is just what it takes.

I'm just gona work on myself and not worry about the rest.

I need a brake where I can do that for a year or two. Thats the whole reason for getting dissablity, and thats what I'm gona do.

And dont worry, the people I stated will never read what I wrote. I just needed to get it off my chest.
I gave first names only, I would never ever list a last name online.
I was just venting.

I think I just need to be brave and do what I think is right even if people are telling me its wrong.
Becideds thats for the dissablity office to decide, not them.

Thanks for responding.