Don't Know What to do or Expect

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My grandpa died today on Thanksgiving. I had to go to the hospital with other family members and say goodbye to him just looking at him was just as unbelievable as seeing my grandmother. The event was just unreal as it was with my grandma who just passed away a few months ago. They're dog is also gone and I don't know what to do about the cats. I can't and I won't make it an option just to have them put in a animal shelter. Grandma was very scared about her pets being the wellfare of her pets and made it sound mandatory that we take care of tehm. Problem is we don't have room or are allowed to have as many.

I'm real sick right now and keep crying cos they lived with us since the day I was born. I'm at my mom's and everything is out the way it was before both of them passed. I can't deal with this going to a funeral home arrangement and I feel like I'm going to either break down or cus some of my family out. I know they loved them but they keep making stupid jokes just lighten things up and all it does is make me more pissed off. I've tried to keep it together and be as nice as I could. But I want to tell my uncle to go to the funeral home himself yet I keep thinking that I need to buck up and help take care. I just don't want to do this.

I keep thinking this is a nightmare and I'll wake up and they'll be right there asking me what's wrong. I don't feel at peace since my grandma died at all. In fact I relapsed around that time only it made things worse again. I don't know what to do except see a f*****g psychologist which I doubt will help. I can't even put words together so it makes it hard for me to communicate in the way I should. This is the best I can do and that's typing it out.

I hate not being able to have said goodbye. The day before he passed he wanted me to come over and I didn't just like I hadn't in some days except when the dog passed.

I feel like I've run out of energy and do nothing till it's too late. I wish I could socialize in the way I wanted to but I realize that's just not an option. I don't know if this selfish notion of AS keeping me from doing what I wanted to do is only excuses I make just b/c I'm a bit vain.

Sorry this is probably coming off as a rant. I just don't know what to do and how to keep myself from going stoic to crazy at this point. I wish I could take something to keep me from doing this. I haven't experienced anything this profound with my emotions going out of whack before.

Any pills that might calm me down from acting like a deranged psychotic?

What should I do with the cat situation?

What should I do with the stuff she wanted me to have. I can't fit any of it and it just makes me break down everytime I see anything that reminds me of her and him.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 28 Nov 2008, 3:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

There is absolutely nothing I can say to make it better. I am sorry that you are going through that right now. It sounds horrible.

It is hard and fast right now. You can do it. It will soften.

Sob hard whenever you need to, then feel the escalator back up. Try your best and be strong in this.

Cyber stranger hug

To you.

I don't feel like a total stranger to you MissConstrue, but I would love to give you a quick awkward Aspie hug and stand around on one foot and then the other looking pained in your behalf. It's my way of letting you know my heart goes out to you and your grief.
I have a love for you because we are all Aspies together, and this is a support site, so support is in order.

((((hug))))

Merle

Thx guys. Not whole lot I can do, I know.

Right now I'm so angry my mom and some of my family. They're getting trashed right now with music blasting like it's a party. I'm trying hard to stay away from it but at the same time I can't since I'm over here. I know I don't even feeling messing my sobriety up. My grandparents would never have had it yet part of me wants to just f**k up.

I wish I had a car to get away from them. I really hate them right now. I don't even want to be around them.

Each person deals with grief in their own way. They're being shallow and seeking peace within temporary oblivion.

Why not throw a fit, make them awkward! Let them know how you feel.

Have you tried meditation or staying over at a friends for the night, or a hotel? Charge it to your family as "emotional abusement compensation"

I wouldn't give you an awkward hug. I'd give you a metal pole, point you and unleash you.

*Shrugs*

Regards
GM

Wishing you the best, MissConstrue, and I'm glad you're staying sober.

You can't have lifelong love without the pain of separation.

Death is just a return to the normal state of things. Life is a temporary miracle.

Wishing you the best.

Pain is good. The pain you are feeling is the reminder he once existed. When you feel that pain, you remember him.

It's the day when it stops hurting you should be worried, Missconstrue.

Love lost and love then felt greater. Sometimes we dull things down, while they are around. To have feelings rise up when we need loved ones most, can seem unbearable.


Do what you got to do, if you really feel it is best for you. I hear some hotels have great food and warm sauna's. I would call a cab and splurge a little, to take care of you. Pbs is a trippy channel to fall asleep too.

Hi

I am very sorry this happened MissC, and I would like to offer my condolences. And, remember that your family isn't trying to dishonor his memories, by drinking and laughing. That is just a way that many deal with these circumstances, and I suppose it helps the lessen the pain. I know you will find the strength to get through this, and I wish you the best.

Deleted.
[well seems like my reply to your response was deleted, so I shall finish the job and delete the original comment. I know where I am not wanted. Thanks alot.]

Last edited by mystyc on 30 Nov 2008, 7:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry you're going through this at the moment MissConstrue. Too much all at once.

People do weird things in grief, laughing etc. It's just a release of strong emotion. I laughed after my father's funeral, yet he was the person I loved most in the world. Do whatever you need to do, rant, cry, whatever, and don't worry about other people. They'll cope with it in their own way. It's such a shock when people we love die, I think we all go a little crazy for a while. That's OK.

It's not just that. The cats are all upset, so I had to spend the night over there. I was laying on the couch crying cos everything in that place is mostly theirs. Mainly my grandmother's cos she was one hell of a decorator and she loved to paint everything. Her cats keep looking up at the chair like "Where is she?" and then they go back into my grandpa's bedroom doing the same thing. It's just like being stabbed with a knife.

I keep asking myself, did they really die for nothing? I can't help it just goes over and over in my head. I don't want to think that they all died and that's it. It's like living in a f*****g nightmare that goes on forever. I can't get out of it and I'm trying hard not to think about it but all their memories and stuff is there. They were my second family if not more than my original family. My dad drank and my grandma made sure we didn't hang around it. I don't know if I can even handle the funeral. I keep getting physically sick with nausea. I never thought that when this would happen or made plans for it. I've been to funerals and felt like a statue but this is just crazy. I never even got to say goodbye when I had all the chance.

no, they didn't die for nothing, they lived for something.


of course you have plenty of time to say good bye, Missie! Yo uwill say good bye as you pack up their things as they let you decide where it goes. You will be connected as you take care of the cats, however that end up. Your grandmamma knew you needed some way to ground your grief, that is why she guilted - er. . gifted you with her cats.

I packed up my parents apartment when mom and dad died within three months of each other. I got to say good bye to more than my parents, I got to a good bye to a lot of clutter they left behind. A lot of furniture went to the High School Band Garage Sale for new uniforms, the amateur radio equipment went to a club i found in the Yellow Pages, I called the local model railroad club and they were happy to take away Dad's trains. I took only the wonderful stuff - my mom's fruit compote and a sewing stand that had come over the Plains in a covered wagon, and all their pictures. . .

so, when you have a moment to breathe, sit down at the table after you have fed the cats and write down what needs to be done. And feed yourself, take a multiple vitamin and take a shower once in a while; grief is hard work.

Merle

i believe i know how you feel.

my father died a few months ago and i still cry almost every day. i'm taking it very hard. at first i cried all day every day. looking at his things and knowing i have to eventually deal with them is torture, i just can't do it yet.

i keep telling myself....and this too shall pass. but for the moment the grief is almost unbearable.

just typing this has precipitated a cascade of tears....

Hope you get better soon girl.
Letting go is hard, and sometimes crying is the only way to ease the pain.

There are lots of charities that could take the stuff you no longer need, give them a call.
About the cats, if you aren't allowed to have many, try finding them a home, it won't be easy if they are big(not kittens I mean), but you could find them a home at some places like at farms, or try the neighbors, staple some posters at your neighborhood.

lots of hugs (:

Thanks CL and you guys. Don't know if I ever will get over with it, it's like losing my parents. We were very close to our grandparents.

As for the crying, I try not to but it's hard. Lately I've been feeling negative, so if I come off like an as*hole or something I apologize. I don't know just seems like I'm angry at a lot of stuff especially with death now.

Maybe I'll see a doctor about it, I don't know.