I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE [+ so I will this time]

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It's the little monster We have in My brain - hidden in the depths of My ignorance. It is alive inside of Me - awaken by the wrong intentions of the evil that surrounds Us.

It's only the self-sabotage and self-hate and painfull interactions with the outside. Complex processing of the visual information downgrades the importance of other senses... I want to comprehend the world through my skin; experiance it - with my twitching muscles.

The world banished me a long time ago; and now I will banish myself too - into nothiness. Since nothing makes me calm anymore - since nobody really care, since I don't care anymore...

Burried into the flames of my own angst and rage. Can't be the person who You would want me to be. I'm too weak to fight against; too weak to defend myself.

Since I don't care, why should anyone else care?

Last edited by ReGiFroFoLa on 27 Nov 2008, 12:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like a common theme with some of us.

I take pride in myself and my oddities.

I am I. Look upon me with fear and wonder, for I am what you will never be, what your vaunted science and religion can never help you become.

Bit arrogant but fun mindset.

Have you considered contacting the Samaritans? http://www.samaritans.org

If you truly didn't care, it wouldn't be bothering you so much.
And some people do care about you, it's just when you get down to that point you can no longer feel them. I've been there. Probably a lot of us have.

Feel free to pm me if you like, if it might make you feel better.


That samaritan link sounds pretty good, I'm going to save it.

Your differences are a blessing in disguise. You only need to see that you have great potential to offer this world. Do not hate yourself, but hate this world for being unkind and unfriendly to your senses and unfitting to them. Hate this world for many reasons, but learn to live with the differences that seem to make you better than them, a better person and a person worth living for. Continue living on, and continue the struggle that is your life, because it will get better, rock bottom always means there's an upside. And I doubt you realize how many good things there are in your life, and how much you can offer if you try. Everyone offers some small, medium, or large piece to the puzzle that is life as a whole. But they are all important, as are you, in what you have and will continue to offer.

Don't die, without realizing first that you can live for something great, even if it is something small. Don't die without realizing that your life can become far better, and far happier if you just work towards that goal. Don't die without realizing that most of what you want to die for, is most of what's worth living for.

DON'T DIE!! !

Oh, so I lied; perhaps I only lied... Perhaps she lied with my lips? The self-sabotage, when I see my hands writting down foreign thoughts that she brought into my inside... This terryfing self-persecution.

Again I looked into the mirror and saw there a Face - smiling ironically, mocking at me... Those big, brown eyes - filled with contemptuous flames - were starring through-out my body, and I wondered... Who was she behind the glass surface? No way it was me - since I was terryfied, I couldn't laugh; I couln't breathe...

So I feel in the morining, and I forget by the dusk? So I alterate between this perverse sections of my psyche? So I am lost within my own thoughts?

The War I carry inside. Overwhelming.