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I Don't Know Anymore... Whether I am unhappy or glad about this small, meaningless life of mine...

I don't know if I'm going to survive through this emotional slaughter. I don't know where to look for help - since I ignore my moaning myself... Since I can not understand the point of my life and the way in which my brain functions... My life functions? Feel like machine; like broken machine which needs to be replaced. System failure. Nothing is true anymore. The morrow is not worth living for, no more. I can not understand; I can not know... And no one is able to explain, no one is able to teach.

And each day I wander through those deserted landing fields and royal air force sites, which surround my home; and I wonder... I'm thinking about climbing up one of those 30 meters high towers... I'm thinking - what would it be like not to be anymore... Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? Would anyone remember?

That which we do in this life is not without meaning, while it has been written that "If no one hears a tree fall that it is as if it never happened" but I would reply that this is an unreasonable point of view to have.

That which we do is at least seen by ourselves, with few exclusions we are witnesses to our own acts. Also the fact that you have come here and told us about the way that you feel suggests that what you do does matter to you.

I want to say to you while you might feel that you are broken and unfixable, I think that you should stop for a moment and consider how well you are. I guess that there are lots of people who are much more worse off than you. Try to look on the bright side of life.

Dude! Your post is a caricature of emo-centric clichés! Are you asking for answers to your questions or just wingeing on about your misery?

Would anyone notice? Sure ... as long as you've played a significant role in their lives.

Would anyone care? It sepends on how much you've contributed to the advancement or enhancement of their life's experiences.

Would anyone remember? Perhaps, but after time, the memories would grow progressively dimmer and ultimately fade away.

And before you start bashing on me for being an insensitive jerk, I'll let you in on a little secret: Nobody important notices Fnordie unless they literally trip over something I've accomplished. Nobody gives a damn about Fnordie, except for those whose lives I've made a significant contribution to. And nobody even remembers Good Old Fnordie's freekin birthday, for God's sake, and it's not as if I'm gonna freekin remember their's either, the lousy ingrates! I'm telling you, it'll be a cold day in Hell before Good Old Fnordie give the time of day to those sons of female dogs who laughed off my needs and told me to "Just get over it"!

So you see, there are two ways you can look at it: One, you could whine and moan about your plight so often that people tune you out; or two, you can give it the old "Screw-Me-Screw-You" play and let the freekin bastahds have a taste of their own freekin medicine!

Yeah thats the way but your playing like a criminal then fnord.

I am a girl, You ignorant; and please - do not answer my posts, because I do not like You and am scared of You and You send some very bad fluids...

How so? I commit no crimes and do nothing illegal. I only give back the same indifferent attitude that the world uses to nurture its misfits into shambling semblances of adulthood. And for this, I am called a criminal?

You are having some very meaningful and moving emotional experiences, apparently. It's hard to respond to you because your words are abstract and focused on your emotional feelings.

Something that happens in certain people at certain stages of their lives is that their brain no longer works. Really. You learn a lot of things in life (like childhood) and then your brain grows a lot and you realize that the things you learned were all lies and oversimplified, reassuring value systems. At that point, your brain outgrows the reality with which you were programmed as a child. It's a very scary feeling, like all the support for the things you believed in, what you thought the world was and what your place in it was, these things all fall away and you are like, standing over a void having to rebuild your sense of what you know and what you don't know. It can be very intense.

It can also be something you go through more than once in life. If your brain changes so significantly that your old cognitive structures and ideas about the world and your place in it break and fall away, you get this same post-apocalyptic kind of existential crisis.

Without any more information to go on, just the feeling of the state you are in, I'd say that you are at an important point in your life where you have gone too far with a thing, or have to stop being something that you have been. Either way, you have to rebuild a working sense of identity and empowerment, along with your sense of the world and your place in it.

Could be just growing pains, crisis in your family situation, love. Whatever is causing it, you have a lot of work to do building a new life, sounds like (and reason for living it).

This is indeed truth.



Perhaps...

SUICIDE!! !! !! !! !! ! I wish I had a desert eagle right now....

simpsons...

Haven, Fnord. Can appreciate your frustration, and understand the purpose, but some approaches don't work with all people.


M.

Indeed

sex

Sexy Samara

QFT. Only I probably wouldn't have put it that way but it's getting annoying.

... oh, crap ... you're right ... this is The Haven ...

I'm sorry ReGiFroFoLa. That makes twice that I've violated the sanctity of The Haven, and it's wrong to do so.

Please don't leave; there are others here who can help you.

Best wishes.