Bummer days

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It's been a really long time since I was on here. I was glad that storms kept me from going home this year. I could spend all week getting my important work done planning for the next semester (and time with my boyfriend who still feels sentiment over the holidays).

Sadly, we've been fighting all day. The last straw was that he thinks I interrupt him all the time and that I don't listen. He lashed out at me saying that my interactions with him are the same as my interactions with people on the outside (not in our relationship). I asked for an example of what the hell he was talking about. He then cited a party we went to last visit home on Thanksgiving that I thought went really well. (It is really hard for me to socialize and I don't get the chance often, so I felt really good about my performance at the said party. I thought it was really fun and that I talked to lots of people).

Contrary to my own feelings about the night, he claimed I got into a debate with another lady about the extreme price of rent in our different cities. While I was right, he said, I was too stubborn about it and it made people uncomfortable and walk away and someone even commented to him about it later.

I don't think anyone would have a problem with a guy being stubborn about a point in conversation, but he is asking me to be submissive for the sake of social grace. Do I have to have grace just because I'm a lady?

I am really upset because he saved this hurtful comment for so long, but also because it is so hard for me anyway. It really sucks to find out that all your efforts are no good and when you think your doing good, you're not. I feel like no one likes me and I am never going to get it.

it's hard to understand how hard it is for someone unless you have been in their position.

he clearly doesn't understand that you actually deserve to be congratulated for how well you did at the party,

as i experience a lot as a sound engineer, when you do a good job mixing a band, no one notices you, when you do a bad job it is very noticeable.

not that you did a bad job, but your slight shortfall was more apparent than your gigantic amazing effort.


anyway, your not in the world to only please him, so be stubborn if you need to be

though i have come to understand through my partner as well, that sometimes i should refer my judgement about social situations to her, i'm lucky that i have someone i can trust on that, though it can be abused...

arguments suck, don't let it eat at your confidence though, it's something NT's seem very good at is knowing that there is a difference between an argument, and real life, whereas i don't, the lines are blurred

I think he's trying to tell you to respect the emotional wellbeing of others, whether you acknowledge it or not your words , tone of voice and body language are communicating emotion to NT's, NT's constantly perceive emotion out of people and they can't deal with intense personality that aspies sometimes let loose, and they will misread our intentions or emotions because we simply work differently then other people.

NT's have low emotional disturbance tolerance, they expect you to know and respect how what you are saying will effect them and others around them, often we (if we do it at all) do not think about how what we say and how we say it will come off EMOTIONALLY to other people. I've learned the hard way that all social interactions communicate emotional energy, and it is contagious and it can effect other peoples emotional state. To give a really obvious example: An annoying loud sound, if repeated long enough will get people emotionally riled up.

We tend to ruffle peoples feathers unintentionally because we usually are passionate about truth, where others would "let it go" to "save face", i.e. drop the argument and move onto something that would less disturb or bring down the emotions of other people you're talking to and the group as a whole.

This is very true, but so hard to keep in mind. What's worse is that when something like this happens I don't want to leave the house or interact with anyone. I feel like I will never know what they are thinking and that they will always have some other motive that they wont just say.