I don't dare going to a club or disco

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A lot of people of my age enjoy going out, visiting bars, discotheques and clubs. If you never go out, you are the ultimate loser. The thing is that I dislike clubs etc. I don't liek the music, wich is to loud too, I don't like the lights, I don't like the crowd, and I don't dare going there. I stayed in one for half an hour, than I left. When I'm in there, I'm ought to dance, wich I can't. I just stand there like a pole being scared. I don't know most people, so I'm a great deal of the time left on my own. When I have planned to go, I don't dare to when I don't know this club, disco or bar. It has been a problem for me since I can remember: A great fear of total unknown events. I want to know what to expect, where, when and why. I shut down when I don't know (almost) everyone that's present.

I just don't dare, I'm afraid of making a total fool out of myself. Last time I noticed an interesting geomatric pattern painted on a vase, wich I mentioned out loud. Of course that was wrong, but I was very stressed.

I don't dare approaching people, so I feel quite isolated, like a small scared child. I'm especially in these situations unable to have small talk, or gossip, or laughing because of the boring jokes most people tell. Everything is noisy, loud, crowded and way to ''social'' and ''small talkish''.

I sympathise totally and feel I can feel your difficulty. Be yourself in life, you are not the only one to feel all this pain. To be honest most people are full of s**t.

I have been there and experienced what you are going through. In school, I hated dances. At first I went because I thought I was supposed to. I usually ended up sitting on the bleachers alone, or standing near the wall waiting for the dance to be over. But since I was so uncomfortable/awkward, I quit going. Most of my friends thought I was shy and quiet. Now that I realize that Asperger's is the reason for this social awkwardness in me, I feel better. I know that I am not alone in the world. And you are not alone either. Asperger's has its problems---but it has it's gifts too. Do you have special interests?

I realize that I have to make myself comfortable rather than try to please others or do what the rest of the crowd is doing. I don't know how self-conscious you are about how others see you, but I took the position that I didn't care. I liked my time spent with family, very close friends, and alone. Today, I realize that there are times I should try to be more sociable and make an effort to attend certain gatherings. I am currently engaging in a series of counseling sessions with a social worker who is an expert on Asperger's. Through "coaching skills," I hope I can relieve myself of some of this awkwardness. But as we know, there is no cure for Asperger's, so we can't make ourselves miserable in trying to be like everyone else. So just remember---you have to be yourself. Do not make yourself uncomfortable in trying to force yourself to attend dances, etc. if you don't want to.

I am no expert on these kinds of issues, but I did want to relate because I have gone through similar experiences. Keep me informed on how you are doing.

disco?

who the heck does that these days?

u evr hear of studio 56?

its still opean... as in ppl still disco... dispite it being 30+ years overdue...

I don't like clubbing. I remember my middle school had a dance, and I just sat around. My 'date' pretty much forced me to socialize. I felt like I would be having so much more fun at a library.

I hate the clubs but love the raves. But I haven't gone to any in over a year now. =/

Then just don't go. I feel exactly the way you do, and I steer well clear. My flatmates go out all the time and I stay behind. If they think I'm a loser because of it thats their choice. NT people seem to be able to relax in places like that. It recharges their batteries the same way that quiet and solitude recharge mine. I don't get the point, and lots of NTs would start crawling up the walls if they lived my lifestyle. To each their own, etc.

Crocodile, I think you'd feel more comfortable at an Aspie club! Instead of trying to fit into the NT world, which is hard, why don't we create our own? I'm going to start working on planning an Aspie commune like I was before but didn't for many months. There you'll be able to go to a club and not be shy or scared, and you will know what to do... whatever you want.

I have many of the exact same fears regarding clubs etc.

I conceded a while ago that it was becoming a major obstacle in my life and so I began forcing myself to go out there.

Little and often is the best way to begin. If half an hour is as long as you can manage don't let it get to you. I often find that that is the perfect amount of time in which to ascertain whether or not a club night is going to be worth staying any longer or not. The key is to keep getting yourself out there. Eventually you start to desensitise to the lights, crowds, heat and noise. If you frequent one place for long enough you realise that any club night is only as good as the people there and the atmosphere they create.

I wish I had an answer for the smalltalk/stranger problems. All I can really assure you is that I have spent years mooching around the edges of clubs looking awkward; much of the time nobody is looking at you anyway. Sometimes people will approach you, some will be complete freaks but some will turn out to be very agreeable (this is what happened with the girl I am currently seeing).

If you are happy enough without all the chaos going out can create then fair enough, but it sounds to me like a pert of you wants to feel included. If this is the case then you must play the game to a certain extent, however frequency and duration are entirely up to you.

Going out every night is probably worse than not at all!

not going out a lot doesn't make you a loser.

i never go to clubs because i don't want to.