I don't understand.

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I don't understand any of this. It doesn't make any sense.

Though I doubt I need to say this, I have no idea what so ever about social behaviour. I learn based on what I see from people I know, and that is how I generally manage to slip through the cracks. Generally if I screw up my friends just pretend nothing happened.

However, recently my friends have been kind of....well, cruel. Today they were playing this strange game where they were tripping each other up. I didn't understand why they were really, but I though that I should join in so I didn't appear rude or anything. It seemed the right thing to do. So I moved closer and attempted to trip someone. She immediately glared at me and said 'DON'T' in a rather harsh way. I recoiled and moved away. They continued to play their game.

In the next lesson, they were annoyed at me for not sitting with them. But why should I? I was only trying to fit in with what they were doing, and I didn't need someone to snap at me. Of course I'm not going to feel very confident after a response like that. Its happened several times now, each for different things. The basis has been that they've been doing something, I'm attempted to join in, I get snapped at, I move away and stay away, they get angry at me for being so 'rude'.

I don't get it.

Another thing I don't understand is this intense facination with dating. Everyone I know at school wants to date. Everyone has a crush on someone, and they expect me to be the same. They've teased me endlessly about a guy in my class who I have managed to talk to.

Somehow I feel completely empty when it comes to this sort of thing. Its like I don't have those feelings that the rest of them seem to have, if that makes any sense at all. I don't look at people and think 'He's cute' or hot or whatever, the same way they do. I don't obsess over the idea of being in such a relationship. I sneer at people who do, because I see it as a weakness.

Being able to talk to the guy in my class was amazing really. I am proud to know I was able to talk to someone, but most of all I just enjoy being able to talk to someone who doesn't talk endlessly about dating, or go behind peoples backs and stuff. Its nice to know someone whom you can have an easy going conversation with where it doesn't matter that much that I am bad at speaking and body language and all.

But this has resulted in a massive amoung of teasing on my part. People assume that because I talk to him I have a romantic interest in him, something which is completely untrue. However, people don't believe me when I deny that, and whenever they start up the teasing and I get kind of squirmy and uneasy, they take that as an even bigger 'hint' that I like him.

No one seems to realise that its the fact that I have about 10 people all with their attention on me that makes me act like that. I have intense anxiety in such situtaions, and it always makes me feel embarassed to have an attention what so ever, let alone that sort of attention.

Its gotten to the point where I can't even be bothered denying it. They asked me who I thought was cute, I didn't answer, they assumed it was him and I didn't bother denying it. Because they aren't going to believe me, so whats the point?

I don't feel those romantic attractions to people. Sadly, I dispise those who do. Perhaps there is something wrong with me, but I don't know.

Any advice regarding both of these situations would really be appreciated. I need all the help I can get.

(Thanks )

First off, there's nothing "wrong" with you because there's nothing wrong with having AS. It isn't anybody's fault and it's only a bad thing if you think of it that way.

I learned long ago that my social skills are not fluid enough to allow me to join in physical social things like the tripping game you described. My advice to you is to not join in an activity like that unless they "ask" you to join in by tripping you first.

My dad always gets on me about not having a girlfriend. He does it enough that I don't like to be around him (I wish it wasn't that way). I don't understand people's fascination with dating either. Like you said, needing another person does seem like a weakness to me. I can take care of myself, and I'm not an emotionally needy person. Plus, I'm an introvert, and people don't accept that I'm okay being single.

And yes, I know what it's like to get teased about liking someone when I didn't. It really sucks and I don't have any advice about that other than to tell them to grow up and worry about themselves if they say it again.

I know I probably should just not join in, but then if I don't they assume that I am angry or upset or something and so I join in to try and prove that I'm not, which makes them angry which in turn makes me confused and upset. I don't like feeling as though I have to join in these games.



Inside I sort of know that I shouldn't really sneer at people who want a relationship, but in all honesty I can't help but do so. Just as you said, I can take care of myself. Perhaps I have my issues (high anxiety, depression and anger levels for starters, as I learned yesterday at the psychologists) but it does not mean I cannot take care of myself, and I do not need to have someone to lean on. If I cannot stand by myself, then I am weak.

Yep, it's a Catch 22. Just remember that they can only make you feel that way if you let them.



I hate to admit it, but the emotion we're describing might be plain-old jealousy (to some degree) when we see a happy couple. We wish we could be in their shoes. It seems to easy for them. I admit that I want to be in a relationship with a girl, but I do not need to be in one.

One more note: Don't let others tell you how you feel. [I say that, though I'm training to be a psychologist.]

As a sidenote, your avatar threw me off for a second. I thought I was imagining it was blinking out of the corner of my eye until I stared at it long enough to see that it was. What can I say, it's 3:49 AM.

When your needs are not meet or 'felt' in someway, jealousy and feeling bitter is a normal reaction.
We was born to be leaders. Well, I think I was and thats why we don't like it when people are not like us or do what we do.

I am a crusader. Thats what I worked out with numerology except when I go grandiose I get locked up or brought down in some way.
It makes me crazy thats why I slit my wrist this year. I got a really sharp pocket knife and cut and cut. Then I had to get stitches and injection of antipsychotic.
I have to learn other ways of being a leader cause I am so pissed with all the scars on my arm.
Thats why I have accepted borderline personality disorder diagnose because go through stages where I am dangerously impulsive and thats not who I am. I am not an idiot. It's what Ive learnt my case manager said. Personality traits is what is learnt and if you had a dysfunctional upbringing you need to try and unlearn them behaviours. She said it is hard but you can do it.

Last edited by Samara on 09 Dec 2008, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Perhaps, but somehow I don't think its jealously. I dunno how to describe it, but I just don't feel anything. From the way people act I wonder if I should have this desire to be in a relationship, but I don't. -grins- Not sure how to describe it. Could be jealousy that I'm just not realising or plain ignoring, but there you have it.

And yeah, I've had those problems with my avatars too. Most of my avatars have blinking eyes, and sometimes if I'm looking through forums late at night it creeps me out a little. Blinking kitties

I've read what you wrote regarding the situation where your friends played a game, you weren't allowed to play with them, whereupon they were insulted you didn't sit next to them afterwards. I don't get why they were insulted. Moreover, I think you are intitled to be insulted! Firstly they didn't allow you to play with them, (wich they are ought to do, as friends), and secondly: They get angry and annoyed for you being insulted by their rude behavior! So if it depends on them, you would have to act as if all is just fine, and let them treat you like sh*t.

If you ask me: I don't get either why your friends acted this way. First of all, that they did not allow you to play with them too, and secondly that they were angry at you for your expectable anger at them. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, I just don't get it at all. I don't believe you were ''wrong'' in some way, as an autist can behave the ''wrong'' way, I think the only wrong ones were your friends, and I don't think it's due to AS. Are you sure these people are actual friends of you? I don't want to make you feel insecure, but that's a question I definetely would ask myself, since I don't think real friends treat their companion that way.

They were rude, not you.

I can relate to what you wrote about this dating-obsession. It is going on in my class too; everyone is obsessed with ''cuties'', dating, and especially sex. I know what you can do about it: nothing.

It is annoying, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. The subject is really, really boring, up to the extreme level, and totally not interesting. I can so relate. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I never date, and I never have a crush on some ''hottie''. As a result of all this I never had sex, wich is a small disaster in my class. When they know I never date and don't have sex, they see me as the ultimate loser. I guess they do it already, since I'm not really like them.

Welcome to the world.

I agree with Crocodile. You need new friends if they treat you this way. In my personal opinion, it is better to have no friends (other than yourself) than to have friends that make you feel bad. I'm my own best friend.

And Croc, I can tell you from my own experience that the kids that 'put out' in high school do the worst once high school is over. The ones that do really well in life focused on their schoolwork and not on petty relationships and social drama. I'm doing pretty well for myself, and I'm still a virgin (by choice). I've never even been in a relationship, but I know I (and all of you) will someday. As a sidenote, keep in mind that a lot of HS kids that say they've had sex are lying to seem cool.

Yeh, nothing new.

I can't understand the people, I can't understand myself, I can't understand the sense of life, I can't understand - why the hell did I slip away from death for those f*****g three times... f**k the world!

Oh whell, nevermind.

F**k the world?

An interesting idea