Crocodile wrote:
A lot of people of my age enjoy going out, visiting bars, discotheques and clubs. If you never go out, you are the ultimate loser. The thing is that I dislike clubs etc. I don't liek the music, wich is to loud too, I don't like the lights, I don't like the crowd, and I don't dare going there. I stayed in one for half an hour, than I left. When I'm in there, I'm ought to dance, wich I can't. I just stand there like a pole being scared. I don't know most people, so I'm a great deal of the time left on my own. When I have planned to go, I don't dare to when I don't know this club, disco or bar. It has been a problem for me since I can remember: A great fear of total unknown events. I want to know what to expect, where, when and why. I shut down when I don't know (almost) everyone that's present.
I just don't dare, I'm afraid of making a total fool out of myself. Last time I noticed an interesting geomatric pattern painted on a vase, wich I mentioned out loud. Of course that was wrong, but I was very stressed.
I don't dare approaching people, so I feel quite isolated, like a small scared child. I'm especially in these situations unable to have small talk, or gossip, or laughing because of the boring jokes most people tell. Everything is noisy, loud, crowded and way to ''social'' and ''small talkish''.
Yes, this is me all over again, and I've hardly changed in those matters since I was 17!
09 Dec 2008, 1:21 pm
