My mother is threatening to leave

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My mother is threatening to leave me and my sister because I announced my intention to declare myself as a member of the Baha'i faith. She says that she no longer considers us her children (my sister's agnostic). She says she'll return to her hometown, Mangalore. How do I convince her not to leave?

Either conform to her religion or face it she doesn't want you anymore. I guess I'm lucky not to have religious parents so no one is against my atheism.

That isn't very helpful.

Btw, when I was an atheist, my mother had no problem with it.

Peace.

Oh, sorry to hear it. That's not cool. My mom is fundamentalist Christian, and I know she would never do that to me. That's just wrong on so many levels. All I can say, is if you do want to devote yourself to the religion you selected, you will have to take every blow people give you.

I can't understand why a mother would want to leave her kids. Is it just because of your newly found faith or are there other factors involved?

I'm very sorry to hear this. Do you have some extra support by other family members or friends?

1. Prepare for her to have a meltdown.

2. Offer to pay for her trip.

In other words, I suggest that you call her bluff, as it seems to me that she is trying to assert the only form of control she has over you to keep you from making choices for yourself, in the hope that her leaving would be so unthinkable as to keep you confined to her belief system only.

It is your decision to make, and not hers, as to what religion you will follow.

Namasté

I grew up with religious parents and was constantly questioning it all.

The way I dealt was it was to go through the motions of following the required acts of religious devotion while privately, within my own thoughts, doubting and questioning it all. I wanted to explore other religions, and the option of atheism, obviously.

As soon as I got out on my own (college), I intentionally did a lot of reading about other religions and arguments for atheism. I spent several years doing research and deciding what I wanted to believe at the time.

So one option is to just lie to your parents until you get to live on your own, and then openly do what you want. Just one option. It has its advantages and disadvantages.

And yes, I agree with other posters that what the mother is doing is wrong, but these types of situations frequently present themselves in life. Adults run into friends, partners, and employers who make outrageous threats because they can't accept that you are not exactly who they want you to be.

So it's a good time to explore your options for dealing with such things and figure out what works for you.

It's too late for me to do that, dear friend.

I was actually hiding my faith, my mother found my Baha'i bookmarks in my browser, and that's when I admitted that I want to become a Baha'i.

The punishment for apostacy in Sunni and Shi'a Islam (but not Ibadi) is death by decapitation. So, you can see why she's mad at me. ^^;;

My father supports me. In fact, the Baha'i faith is highly compatable with his ideology. What my father told me when I was young was this: Champ, religion is like a pool of water. It takes the shape of the bucket you carry it in. All religions teach people to do good thoughts, good words, and good deeds. All paths ultimately lead to peace and salvation.

This is exactly what Bahaullah taught.

What my mother told me is this: All people in this world except those who are Sunni Muslims who don't commit shirk (associating partners with God) will burn in hell for all eternity. All they will get to drink in hell while being roasted alive is hot boiling pus to drink. Their genitals will be cut open and burnt over and over again by the devil in their graves for all eternity. Etc, etc...

Anyway, my parents are divorced. My mother hates my father. As far as she's concerned, he's a grave worshiping (tawassul, a sufi practice of seeking blessings from saints) heathen who will go to the worst part of hell.

As for friends, I have only told two so far. They're quite supportive.

My sister hates me now. She says that she's suffering because of me.

As for my mother, she's calmed down a bit. She's not yelling at the top of her voice anymore.



Namasté,

Knowing my mother, she will have a meltdown, and yell at the top of her voice if I do that. She's very sensitive when it comes to religion.

I guess I'll buy her some flowers tomorrow, and hope for the best. ^^

Peace.

If she feels that strongly about it perhaps you should respect her wishes and resign yourself to the fact that she's leaving.

Its not about you and your faith.
Its all about her and how she interprets her faith.
Its something she feels she must do for herself just as you feel your faith is something you must do for yourself.

You can't ask her not to practice her religious beliefs anymore than she has a right to expect you not to live yours.

Go ahead and get her flowers, but don't do it to change her. Get her the flowers because you still love her even if she feels she can no longer be with you.
Tell her she's leaving by her own choice but you'll leave the door open to her for if ever she wants to come back.

I understood that a long time ago. My mother's more rigid than the American constitution.

Of course, I'm going to buy the flowers for her because I love her. I don't want her to leave.

Actually, being a Baha'i, I can still practice Islamic rituals. My mother, however, doesn't understand that. She thinks that Bahaullah was a delusional schizophrenic who thought he was God and wanted everyone to worship him. Noticed how many people are like that? Many Christians think that Muhammad was schizophrenic. Many Jews think that Jesus was schizophrenic. Etc.

I guess she'll only understand by observing my behaviour.

Peace.

I thought that the Baha'i faith meant that you could worship whomever you wanted in peace.

Isn't that it?

If so... tell your mother that you're still worshiping "her" God - if it settles her.

If she's strictly Christian, maybe remind her of what Jesus said about Judging others... by walking out, she's throwing the first stone.

As far as I'm concerned, there's but one transcendental God, and man can never understand the exact nature of God. The universe is an emanation of God. All religions lead to God. There's no "my God" and "your God". That's something I can't expect my mother to understand. And no, she's Muslim, a pseudo-wahaabi, to be exact...

Peace.

Khan Sama, that sucks. Not saying you have to so this, but you could always just forget about those NT people who are going to leave you or abuse you or whatever and become part of the Aspie community online, where there's always someone who will understand you and be there for you.

The Wahhabis are bonkers. They are seething with rage at anybody who doesn't rigidly conform to their version of life. Some Christians in the US are the same way, but at least they have SOME respect for differing beliefs, mainly rooted in a long tradition of American pluralism and a belief that Jesus commands them to love the sinner but hate his sin. The Wahhabis have none of that. You differ on this one little idea? Fine, off with your head. It's very much an Islamic version of Asian Communism, where if you differ with the Chairman on the tiniest matter you die. Such philosophies tend to come apart from the force of their rage and from the continuous purges of nonconformists. The Khmer Rouge was so consumed with purges that when Pol Pot died nobody remained who could lead and the movement collapsed. The followers are beyond redemption in most cases, I'm afraid.

Actually, not all wahaabis are as bonkers as you might think. Most of the Emirati Arabs in the UAE are wahaabi. Do they seem bonkers to you? Especially when there are dance bars all over Dubai? Sure, the Emiratis are conservative, but they don't answer to the Saudi clergy, and that's what makes all the difference.

My mother is not someone to forget about. I've been abused more by aspies than NTs. Most aspies I know have this "holier than thou" attitude, which I can't stand. All except two twin girls, they're sweet.

I recall Temple Grandin saying something similar in her interview with Alex.

Peace.

I think it's sad that differences of opinion regarding religion can even break family bonds.

While I don't think anyone's love for any other being is ever truly unconditional, the bond between a mother and a child should be as close as it can be.

From what you post on here Khan_Sama you are wise beyond your 19 years (if a little pro-religion for my tastes ). From what I read about you, your mother should be proud that you're her child.

I suppose it comes down to... is she bluffing? If not then I guess it is a case of what is more important to you, your mother or your religion?

Logically speaking, if you have a mother that would deny you the fundamental right to chose your religion (whichever or none) then perhaps the answer to the above should be your religion.

Though perhaps her ultimatum is the only way she knows how to protect you from the potential punishment carried by your choice. Which would lead me to believe she only has your best interests at heart.

It's a tough, if not impossible crossroads in your life, I don't envy you. If you wish to keep both you will have to become more manipulative and deceitful which you may or may not be capable of.

Salam Alaykom