Finding my brothers.

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I have two half brothers that I haven't seen since I was 2, and I don't even remember that, I only have photos as proof. My mum left them with their father because she thought they would be better of with him. She used to visit, as did they but it was upsetting them each time she left so she thought it would be better if she cut of all contact. Added to this their father wasn't giving them the letter she sent them and whenever she came round he would say they were out.

The thing is my mum doesn't like to talk about them, But I would like to get to know them, especially my oldest brother who I have always felt closer to though did not know why, after reading about AS/Autism I believe that I and my mum have it, I also believe he might from what little my mum has me about him (head banging, meltdowns, etc) even not though, I what to know them.

The thing is we don't know where they live though, especially since it's been 22 years. However today while going through my emails I found one from about 4 years ago that had two address off my oldest brothers name. and two phone numbers. obviously, though I can't remember doing it I'd looked up to possible addresses/phone number for him. And it's got me wanting to call the numbers seeing if one of them is him.

The problem is my mum, I don't want to upset her, I doubt if my brothers are like me they will be able to forgive her, and I don't want her to have to endure any more guilt that she already feels. I don't know how to approch her about this, I know that since she's a good mother she would never deny me this no matter how much suffering she'd endure, I don't want her to have to endure any.

Should I just not contact them, a part of me thinks that finding these numbers was fate. But another part of me's afraid that all is can do is cause hurt and I don't want to be responsible for that.

I also have a half brother that I have never meet. It is my dads son and he has never meet him also, actually my dad doesn't really care about me, so it is no surprise that he doesn't care about his other son.
My parents wont talk about him, and they never told me about him. How I found out is one day I was looking threw a photo album at my grandmothers and she told me about him.
I don't know his name or anything, no one will tell me, but if I ever find out where he is, I will defiantly try to meet him.
So I wouldn't pass up the opportunity, if possible. I would try not to tell your mom, can you just do this your self with out telling her? If you pass up a opportunity, you might never get the chance again. I think if I ever get the chance to meet my brother it would be easier than living my life without ever knowing him.

I can do it woithout her, I'm just worried about the emotional fallout for her.

She suffers from depression and I honestly believe that at the time she believed she was doing the right thing for them, she has such a low opinion of herself that quite frankly the only reason I think she never left me with my dad, is that given he's such a narcissisic bad father who's been diagnosed with anti social personality disorder, it would be tantamount to child abuse!

The thing is I wonder how my brothers will react, if it was me I would hate her, and hate me for being the child she didn't leave.

But it's always been a part of my life that I wanted to know about. And now the possibility is there, I just don't want to cause chaos, it's been the main thing that's stopped me finding them before now.

I think you should call.

let your brothers know how bad your mother feels about leaving them there. Tell them she tried to contact them with letters and such but there father would take them away so they didnt get them.

Also, you should tell your mother before you do this because she would be caught off guard if you don't.

I'm sorry there father is a psycopath, that must be very hard for them. I suspect my father has that, so I know what thats like.

This is just my advice (I won't be offended if you think its a bad idea) . Ive never been in a situation like that before. I would go with your gut instinct but be shure your mother is involved because it will help the whole process go smother.

perhaps your mother could invite them both to viset? That may make them both feel more welcome into your family.


I hope it goes well What ever you choose to do .

Good luck!

Their father's not a psychopath as far as I know, I was talking about mine, we have different father. From what I can gather their father is just a jerk.

I think at the very least I'm going to wait until after Xmas wait until every things settled down, for one thing we're having dinner with my dad and I'd like to leave him out of this as much as possible and I don't think my mum could cope with dealing with my brother issues and Xmas dinner.

The second reason is I've come down with flu! so my head is one hundred percent there and I've learnt if I'm not mentally there I tend to be more emotional.

Thank you for your advice though.