I'm such a fraud. cant take it anymore.

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I'm always sad . Some times I distract myself from the sadness but its always there.

I'm sad because my life has been bad.
Being abused as a child, never being cared about.
Never having any friends and when I did they left.

I was bullied and beaten in school never had anyone care, except this black girl named guen who I will always remember because she protected me.

My mother, the only person who showed slight affection for me in my life is diying of copd. i'm only 21.

The only things left are my boyfriend my home and my life.

How long before its all gone?

Mabie 10 years and thats being optomistic.

I keep saying my good will come here comes my good. yep it comming any min now ..... any min.
So I've moved away from the abuse but I'm sad.

I have no family no friends and I cant cry around anyone not even my boyfriend cause it makes him depressed.



I ahve no one to turn to. Why is my life so hard?

It only gets worse as you get older. I'm kidding my self saying it gets better.


My life had about 4 weeks of true happiness where i didnt worry. thats it, and thats gone now. dead to the world.



I'm not suicidal I honestly do know what I hang around for. mabie I'm just scared of death
I'm so terrabily alone.

I'm so alone.

No one cares about me. wy dosent anyone ever care why do the ones I love most run from me?!

I cant do this it so hard living this life and to top it all off people expect me to be smiling all the time.

If I cry thell leave me .


I'm so sad, this is the story of my life.

At least I accept it now. My good never exsisted.

Sorry if this post made you sad. its just my pitifull life.

Life is a journey that increases and decreases. you cannot remain on either extrema forever. You just need to keep approaching infinity.

Sorry if that sounds weird. I am writing lesson plans for precalculus. It was the only thing that came to mind

That was my thery . I thought as a child that because my life was so bad it would even out as an adult to be wonderfull.

But i guess i was wrong.

so did I. and eventually my life did even out. there is no way to tell when.

What happend?

hard to say. I do not remember much. my family was abusive and I was slowly headed the same way. I attempted suicide 3 times in 1 month before I finally swore to see life out through the good and the bad. Beyond that it has been a slow struggle to separate myself from the influences of my prior environment and sometimes I think I will never get past it, but when I look at the "overall graph" It is positive. It just took a long time to get there. And I need to take the ups and downs as not being indicative of the entire struggle of my life, just a small interval.

Things usually end up alright if you let them. I've gone back and forth since I was younger, from feeling majorly depressed to being ecstatically happy with life. Everything seems to even out as the years pass and its much easier if you try to focus on the good aspects rather than the painful ones. It is hard at times and I'm not very good at sticking to my own advice, but I have noticed things seem better when I force myself to look at the happier things in life. I hope this helps a little, I'm not very good at offering advice, but I've been in some pretty rough spots as well and I understand how life can seem pretty absurd.

I dont feel much better but it DOES help to know someone else knows what i'm going through. so thanks.

I think its kina ironic this is happening on christmass. I didnt sleep at all and I have to go see my family and if I'm upset it will all end in disaster. (My dad will go nuts )

I'm just gona have a taxi number and money in hand incase I need to bail. (my abuse therapist sugested it as a safty plan when I viset home. )

I'm hopeing if it does end in a big drama its for a reason. oh well .

Thankyou for showing your support. And welcome to wrong planet.

the Christmas that my brother turned 21 (his b-day is Christmas Day) I spent the night poking him to make sure he was still alive because he had so much alcohol he past out and I was afraid that he would die on Christmas morning of alcohol poisoning. Now from Japan (2 years later) I am still battling my family to stop enabling him and put him into rehab involuntarily.

Sometimes you need to separate emotion from your views to try and look at your life objectively, When you do... it is easier to see the upsides. And that despite all the ups and downs... life is still life and it is better to experience life that the alternative (which is either death or to hate life despite its ups and downs).

Its a roller coaster yes (and that is an odd analogy because I hate roller coasters) and sometimes it makes you sick. But I am told that despite the fear and occasional sickness and the twisty feelings you get, that people actually enjoy the ride.

I hope your therapist knows how blue you've been lately. I realize it might just be Xmas and seeing the family, but still, maybe there's something she can suggest if this continues. I hope you do start feeling better once the holidays are over. Its funny Shiggley mentioned increasing and decreasing. I used to refer to it as ebb and flow, and the tide will turn - all you have to do is hang in there and wait for it. Ride this out Just-Me. You'll always have people who care about you here at WP, so please lay off all this 'nobody cares about me' thinking - that just brings you down, and it's an awful thing to do to yourself. You're depressed enough without adding to it like that.

If nobody does care about you then you have to step in and care about yourself more.

I have not been successful in my life. I wanted to train to be an organic chemist but because of a mixture of Aspiphobia and also discrimination against me because I also have epilepsy I was told to find another career which is the most stupid thing one can say to an aspie. I have been surrounded by essentially brain donors (people who are generally unintelligent) who I find useless. I have never found a person who would like me for who I am just aspiphobes and being born in 1966 aspiphobia has not abated even a slightest bit since that time. My self esteem is also non existent as well even though I have developed computer literacy which is not rocket science. Certainly I have come a long way since the bad old days of the early 1970's when I was put into the human dustbin of the learning disability system. The people I was put in did have a thing going. They really knew how to have the crack. However I would have liked to have had job as a research chemist which meant I needed a good degree and perhaps a PhD. This would have been a excellent way to overcome aspiphobia.

Ishamael, that is such a communication block to say "get over it."
We are emotional beings and it is very important to express our feelings.

You should always feel comfortable to express your feelings.
If you are not around supportive people who allow you to, your feelings become suppressed. Then they are more likely to come out in unhealthy ways. That why it is important not to use communication blocks.

Oh, Just-me, I'm thinking maybe you ought to go somewhere else for Christmas than your family. I'm thinking maybe you should volunteer to help at homeless shelters. Depression is so awful.

Once I figured out that the world does not care if I live or die, and that I exist only to consume and alter my environment, I turned this discovery back upon the world. Now I don't care if somebody next door, down the road, or across the world lives or dies, and I consume what I need for the advancement of my self first, and others usually not.

I was once like you, Just-Me, until I made that decision. Now, I treat people well only if they can do something for me in the advancement or enhancement of my chosen lifestyle and ignore the rest.

In other words, buddy, I've learned to act like an NT while maintaining an Emo/Aspie's near-obsessive focus on my self and my resources.

So if people don't care about you, then forget about them. Better yet, use them to attain your personal goals.

Just use them wisely!