So much for NT empathy

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I have to rant about my husband who is by no means perfect, let me assure you. I have put up with him sitting on his butt all day long because he only works a few days a week, sometimes only one. Oh, no wait, he doesn't always sit on his butt, sometimes he goes out and does things he wants to do while I'm stuck doing only what I have to do, and barely having time for that. He has interrupted me with hey can you, and did you hear, and let me ask you (I work at home a few days per week). We have a son who is having chronic sleep problems brought on by various real ailments ranging from serious to merely annoying. I am exhausted. What does he do to help? Sleep on his days off so I can sleep at night, when I have to go to work or complete my work at home? No he has "his" things to do. Does he help me out at home? Load up the dishwasher, wash a load of clothes? No, he says it makes him "dizzy" to move around too much indoors.

I have lost some paperwork and receipts because I am exhausted and have barely enough time and energy to keep up with our son, the basics around the house like dishes and laundry. The by product of this is...disorganization and losing things (ya think)? So does he offer to help out? No he b*****s because I lost something. I tell him I'll look for it when I get to a stopping point with work. Because I'm WORKING, ya know, one of us kind of has to.

So then he complains that I'm eating lunch instead of looking for the thing. The missing thing is something I can get a replacement for easily, BTW, and it's not due for a few more MONTHS. But no, I have to stop NOW and interrupt work simply because it's on his mind.

then I casually mention a fun fact, something amusing, but of course it's one of my stupid obsessions and so he does his usual "yeah well nobody cares about that" thing. So I'm just not talking to him any more today. In fact, this may get to be an ongoing coping strategy. He knows where the door is, but of course, if he leaves he will lose this house too and as he doesn't work, I guess he's stuck with me, huh?

BTW, i can't talk to him about it. He always tells me "I shouldn't feel that way" How the heck do you justify saying you "love" someone when you spend the majority of your interactions complaining about every little thing?

I hope you feel better for having that rant.

Your husband sounds very like mine. I left.

Jeez, sounds like a huge nuisance.

I'm no expert in these matters, but I suppose you could ask him if something's agitating him and why he's so cranky, given that he seems to have it pretty good. Also, if he knows you have AS, he shouldn't be so dismissive of your interests; he can at least humour you a little bit. After all, that's what he signed up for, and it sounds like you're doing a lot for him. The least he can do is be nice.

this is why i never married.

i think it's easy and common for NTs to take a bullying role in relationships, so you probably need to look into how to deal with a bully.

apart from that he's bone lazy from the sounds of it. ugh.

You have my sympathy.
I hit "reply," then I stared at the blank screen for about five minutes.
I have so much to say that I'm stumped.
It's so complicated and long-winded, and right now I'm so fragile...
The effort involved in composing a coherent answer would be too depressing.

I'm going to the library. Laters.

I think it's got less to do with him being NT and more to do with him being an idle, bullying, a***hole.

This sounds very like my husband. I worked for thirteen years to support us and our 2 children and pour money into the gaping maw of his three failed businesses in succession. He spent huge amounts of time mooching round the house complaining that his socks hadn't been washed and what happened to my woman's nest-building instinct? and then when I lost my job he left me. And his idea of doing the paperwork was to sigh loudly at my incompetence, take it all out of the folders, spread it all over my son's bed and hum and haw over it til my son's bedtime. Then he would pick it all up, put it all into different folders, hand it back to me and say "there, I've organized it for you."

Excuse me that wasn't very helpful perhaps but I feel like having a rant too because Valentine's is coming up and I've just had to explain to my eldest son about daddy's 24 year old girlfriend.

Being an NT isn't about being empathetic, it's about having social skills.