Can't Stop Getting Over it

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I'm still having trouble getting over the loss. I really don't want to go into details since this is redundant.

I try not to think about it and then it hits me that they're gone. Lately I've been crying a lot and feel like I'm on another verge of a meltdown. Like I have no control over anything.

I'm seeing a therapist right but I don't feel anything is working. My emotions are very flat and I don't express myself in the right way which can be frustrating to a certain degree.

Does anyone have advice about getting over a loss of a loved one or recommend a book for this kind of thing when it happens?

Please don't respond if you think I'm being whiney or emo right now. This is really hard for me to even post this after I already made a post in here.

I apologize if this comes off odd or doesn't make sense. I just don't know how to deal with these crappy emotions right now.

Get off the internet and make some tea, read a book, take a bath, and watch a comedy.
I sometimes get "emo" and search for answers on here and it just doesn't help.
Hope you feel better soon! XOXO

You don't need to apologize for expressing grief - it's natural. Take your own time, and don't let anyone rush you into "getting over it."

Hot tea and a warm soak sounds good. Writing things down in a journal may also be beneficial for you.

Being busy with "normal" affairs also helps. As much as it hurts, getting on with every-day activities will help carry you to the time when you can learn to "deal with it."

Best Wishes!

~Fnord

I posted this here a long time ago. Maybe you'll find it relevant.

There's a story from Asia:

A woman had a baby she loved more than anything. One day the baby died. Her grief was so overpowering she lost her mind. She ran from house to house carrying the dead baby, crying, "Give me medicine for my baby." Nobody had any idea how to help her.

She reached the end of the village and ran off aimlessly into the woods, eventually she came to the place where Buddha and some followers were camped. She ran up to Buddha, "Give me medicine for my baby."

Buddha told her: "I can give you the medicine you need, but you have to bring me one thing to make it with."

"What's that?" she asked.

"One grain of rice," said Buddha.

"That's easy," she said, "I can get that anywhere." and she turned to go.

"Just one thing," said Buddha, "It must come from a household that has never suffered the pain of losing someone they loved."

She ran into the village and stopped at the first house. "Has anyone in your family died?" she asked.

"My father died last year," she was told, "I still miss him so much."

And at the next house, "My son was killed in the war. He was only seventeen."

And the next house, "My grandmother died a few weeks ago, she was with me every day since I was a baby. I still remember the songs she used to sing."

At every house they told her the same thing, and she understood.

when my dad died it took about a year to come to terms with it. Give yourself time and dont feel bad for feeling bad, its normal to feel bad when someone dies. I found Thich Nhat Hanhs buddhist books very hepful for me but I would say any book on grief will help you to feel not alone and help you cope. I think the finality of death was such a shock to me, I really understood the wuthering heights stuff where heathclif was begging to see kathy again, it is very final.

i have tried to think of ideas that make it easier for me when things i love die.

in 150 years, no one alive today is going to be alive including you and me and the all the babies in prams. the sorrow that i feel for a loved one's loss is only for as long as i live, and not forever.
i will be dead too one day and even if i never meet them again, i am in the same place as them eventually.

all lives, no matter how mighty, perish.

eventually the whole universe will be dead.

but if that is the case, then why did it start?

maybe there is a god.
only god knows if there is a god

I've been there too MissC, pretty much all the members of my family died and it was never easy... although it did get easier with each time, such things make you emotionally numb to a great extent.

I always tried to think what would my loved ones expect, would they really want me to keep thinking and getting depressed about them? no. they'd want me to live my life and have fun. so that's what I do. like b9 said above, everything dies eventually, I try to think about the imminence of death daily so that I wouldn't be sad about the ones that passed.

sometimes I do allow myself to look back at the good old days and shed a few tears, but that doesn't happen often. I always promise myself that when I'm old I'll start writing memoirs and I'll think about all the people I knew that died and will mourn them properly. but for now I just get on with life.

everybody's different though, I know that most people can't get over such things as easily as I could (on the outside at least), but I hope this helps.

Thanyou Anna that's really insightful perspective. There have been times where I just want to self destruct by doing things that're not productive. I'm sure they wouldn't be thrilled after seeing me do better before they passed. I've often pondered on this imminence of death....I guess I have to just accept it. But it's so hard.....

I'm reading a book now of Learning to Let Go. It sort of helps and there are times where I can be alright that they're gone but other times where I just go crazy. I use to call my granny everytime I was having problems. It seem like she was always there and I felt more accepted and related better to her than my own my mom or friends.

Anyway thanks guys. This is all new to me and seems to be happening all at once this year. I've never lost family members..only a couple but not people who I was very close to. It's very painful still and am not use to it.

I think time is the key to get over someone you have lost.

^agreed, time makes it better. you forget about the person you used to be when they were around, and you build a new "self", so to speak.