Trouble with another tenant.

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I was verbally abused by another tenant in my building, yesterday on Friday the 13th, not that the date had to do with anything. He gruffly told me that I knew better than to stand in the doorway like that, when I had the door open and I was talking to a friend. I didn't have any shoes on, so I couldn't be standing on the pavement. I said to the man, "f**k you!" to make a point that I have a voice, because Autism Speaks does not speak for me. He told me, "You wouldn't know how." I repeated myself. I went to the office and filed an incident report against him. This guy has something against me, because he knows that I'm on the spectrum. He used to go to my clubhouse. Maybe I was a little harsh with my language, but I don't let disability abuse happen to me.

I'm worried about what's going to happen when this man finds out that I've filed a report against him. If he's going to try to verbally abuse me, even more. I know that I'll just have to ignore him, from now on. I'm just a little worried that he might try to violate my rights, again or that he might be very angry. I guess that he's going to be surprised and feel threatened that I'm not some little imbecile who won't do or say anything, after being verbally or physically abused by people like him. What should I do in the future, if I cross paths with him, downstairs in my building?

The thing that makes this even more awkward, is that Barb, Dean and I are really good friends with his ex wife.

I was zoning in and out of sleep all night thinking about it, and praying to God to forgive me for swearing at him, and for some solutions and strength.

If you can, haul vulgar at him.

Then just breathe in and out... And tell yourself that he is your tenant and you have to live with him, no matter good or bad, so you will try to live with him...

That's very good advice. I've come a long way, since I've moved away from my parents which I do have a good relationship with. This is a battle that I have to fight. If I was to move back in with my folks, I'd be moving backwards instead of forward. I don't want that for myself. I've made too much progress.

Thank you.

A better way of dealing with people would be saying "hey, your talking rudely to me, can you stop?" .. in which case if he responds FU! ... Then you could explain why your standing there, and if he still gives you grief, then name calling is in order.

I've always found that the moment you raise a hand or yell at someone even if they are being completely appalling, is the moment you loose credibility in the situation.... Plus it alienates people, either way if he's being rude then you shouldn't worry about the language you used. Regret keeps you awake to long and is on the same page as anxiety. Unneeded.

If people are speaking down to you, it's a good idea to tell them to get stuffed or words to that effect. It shows them that they don't bother you and that you are their equal. That's why I tell people to jog on if they give me any trouble. That way I don't become the victim.

What business is it of his that you're standing in your own doorway?

I wouldn't have cursed at him, I would either have told him it was none of his business, or else would have looked at him like he was beneath my contempt and then continued talking with my friend. At any rate, I would definitely have filed a complaint with the management against him for harrassing me.

If you see him in the future, do your best to ignore him. If he harrasses you, file a complaint with the management. If he threatens you in any way, call the police.

Best of luck.

All of you have some very good points. Maybe I was harsh with my language. I wish that I could go back to that incident and fix the mistakes that I've made. The complaint has been filed, and I've also phoned the office and left a message, explaining everything that happened, in order to make myself accountable. I had to, because I know that he'll try to drag me down with him and say that it's all my fault, when he could be more at fault, or we could both be in the same amount of trouble. I've been worrying for the past hour, that I might get evicted. Now the song, 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' is playing in my head.

sorry to hear that mrs rebel. you know i roomed with a mexican and while it was cool for awile i quickly found out how much minorites suck. im getting my rent on on april first and i'll be living at the trailor park! bam, there it is. the answer! im going to start calling myself AI because i have all the answers

yep.

I can't quite understand where you were standing. Were you standing in your own doorway? If you were standing in your own doorway, maybe you misunderstood the tone or something? Maybe he was just joking and saying you should know better than to stand in the doorway in your bare feet or something? Maybe his mother always nagged him about putting on his shoes, or not standing in doorways chatting to friends, and maybe it's just something he's grown up with, hearing someone say: Hey, you know better than to do that!

Or you were standing in the communal entrance doorway? If it was the communal entrance, perhaps you were standing in the way, being inconsiderate? And to say f*** you would have been an extremely rude response. I think you should retract your complaint, just say you were in a bad mood or something.

Either way, I think you ought to retract your complaint on this occasion, otherwise you could end up with a situation that escalates. And I think the next time you see him you should apologise for swearing at him like that.

reasonable and prudent advice

I was at the library talking to a lady that goes to my clubhouse, about this guy, and when she was still working at Orange Julius, the man who gave me a hard time, went to her work place, three times. The girls at the front were serving him his drink. He wanted the girl who was cooking hot dogs in the back to serve him the drink, because he thought that she was the prettiest. He was very threatening about it, too. The employees almost had to call security, once. He also moved in with his ex wife and he tries to control every thing that she does. That's how much of a jerk he is. I will apologize when I'm ready. I don't even care if I was in the lobby when it happened. That man has it in for women, and I refuse to let that kind of a man win.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 14 Mar 2009, 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that guy should be my neighbour

i used to throw such horrible tantrums, all by my lonesome, my neighbours thought i was being murdered every night

it was quite awkward whenever they asked wth was going on w me at night

"wull..... internet broke down and... um... "

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The question is, how do I control my temper the next time something like this happens? Am I just a spineless jellyfish?