A fog of confusion

Post Reply New Topic

Yes another one. So I thought not to mess up the rant thread.

Partially composed
while watching smoke billow out of the kitchen window for the fifth time this week...

Who would have thought
i'd be brought to this place?
Who would have thought
I bought into the myth of strength?
No one thinks they can hurt me
So they hit harder
No one thinks I can feel
So they trample what they cannot see
this is right for them
they have put me in my place
i was not like this
long ago and far away
my house was in order
my life was routine
the dark of the night
was the dawn of the day
now it takes less than a smile
to remind me I am on a tightrope
not solid gorund.
How do I heal from this?
this is not me.
Step one:
this is me.

Boy do I know that one. If only it was always step one, and not step one hundred, after spending years running around in circles trying to convince yourself otherwise. Hope I haven't contributed to the attacks; a bit worried I have. But either way... what's going on? I mean the concrete stuff - so far all I've seen are hints and illusions. I know the job mess. But it sounds like there's more.

this composition is related to the fact that since I am not at my regular job and have had wierd hours at the other one, my med schedule is screwed up and my ADHD symptoms are out of control. I put something down and it disappears. I smell something burning and realize that I was cooking.
the more is that i am woefully inexperienced at matters of relationship and have been on this site long enough to have formed some and now am lost as to how to handle things.
and i am sick
and my body which usually is quiet and cooperative is now screaming for me to go and get some. which on occasion, is painful (i think because i am sick).
and in about 30 minutes i am meeting a woman for lunch and i have no idea what it means.

lol it means what it always means - she had some piece of technology she couldn't figure out so I helped her with it.
but at least I got out of the house and went somewhere.
i even watched a pretty girl watch me as i limped down the street.