I need help, advice , direction. HELP!! !! !! !! !! !! !!

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I feel stuck in a rut .
I'm so afraid to ask for help and when I can I don't know what to ask.

I'll try now well see how it goes.

I have this strange feeling I get on my feet and sometimes all over my body. It feels like feathers rubbing lightly against my skin.

Does any one know what it is?
Stimming seems to help make it go away.


I also have a problem with getting my words out. Like when I want to ask something I can because I don't know how to turn my thoughts into words so I can ask for help.

I start feeling helpless sometimes , It happens every couple of years. It makes me feel like checking myself into a mental hospital. A to find out whats causing it and B to get a break.

I tire form acting normal and I feel this need to relax and be my crazy self. But I cant do that. Even in my own home. I worry my room mates will freak if they see me act myself.

I'm ashamed to be myself and I worry what they will think of me.

I have trouble being myself . I need to rest I need to know whats wrong with me.

I cant get the words out to tell you whats wrong and I just want someone to find out so they can fix me. ! !! !!

Oh I feel so alone sometimes so cut off from everyone because I cant get my words out. I feel like there is a force field between me and everyone else and it keeps me at arms distance from them.

I feel like I cant talk to people because they get annoyed if I ask stuff to much. They also get annoyed at me for worrying to much so I just stop having any meaningful conversation with them because they will get annoyed if I'm honest.

No one will except me as I am except for my boyfriend and my mother. And I don't know why people don't like it when I'm myself. I want to say what I think but they get annoyed. They say I talk about my aspergers to much, I worry to much , I talk to much.

I want to be myself but the only time my friend and family accept me is when I'm acting. I cant keep up this act its draining me and I want to commit myself.

And I know after this post I'll post I'm fine cause I worry that if I don't someone will get mad at me for being depressing. i know I'm jsut worring to much but I cant help it!

I worry so much and its driving me mad!

I keep getting this fear that I will some how swallow something sharp in my food that will cut open my digestive track.

Then a few days ago I swallowed a fish bone that got stuck in my throat for 3 hours and it was very painful. It finally went down then I got sick for 2 days.


I don't know whats wrong does anyone?! !! !! !

I just want to get better, actually I dont know what I want. I worry if I get better then if I act strange everyone will be mad at me.


Please bear with me . these are my raw thoughts and I need advice and venting.

I dont know what to do.

Can you commit yourself in FL and not have to take medication?

You are not alone in feeling these things.

I get these attacks every few months where I start seeking nourishment, comfort, rest, everything that I have left out of the equation because of my focus on the needs of others and trying to look "average" and be acceptable to some family members... I feel frustrated-can't communicate effectively and I cry, I cry so much. My body hurts. It's like I need to be me. It's like the mask and the costume get burdensome and uncomfortable and I need to throw them off, to surface and take a deep breath, before putting them on again.

My plan for the next round of feeling this way is to discuss it before hand with my neurologist and possibly a psychiatrist. I've been through this enough to see that these bouts are getting worse and harder to manage. I either need to spread it out, and be more me, everyday or I need more help getting through these little blocks (which as painful as they are turn out to be growth spurts for me).

Anyway, maybe our experiences are unrelated. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Maybe some of us can tell what works for us to get through or what helps before it gets so bad...

Where in Fl are you? I am near Ft myers.

Hugs, if that's ok!

Are you on any new medications? What you describe could be a reaction to medication.

I agree that you need to let a dr know, esp. if you have a psychiatrist or neurologist.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone in this. So many of us have trouble getting words out sometimes. You're not alone.

You two are suffering.

I was going to post the link to the NIMH depression page in case anyone can use it but I can't post urls yet, but if you google: depression NIMH it comes right up....

well, just to give you occasion to pass that first great get-into-wp-line of five posts

and to let you or anyone else know that i have been dealing with a language problem
for as long as i figured i would become a writer or...

my problem was not lack of words, it was there lack of 'emotional' charge in their
linkage to 'me';
when describing whatever was apparently wrong and holding me back -
gosh you do so easily get stuck in the literary cliche's of writer's block
and in my case especially this 'romantic' poetic longing and search for the right word
because none of the words seem to achieve the required emotion of commitment to...

i suppose SELF...

too many words too easily available, i very early in my life reached the verbal level
where i could discuss such matter with any psychiatrist or literary professor,
on equal footing; thus: avoiding the 'object' role one should adopt in such a situation;
one chooses the still avoidant position of the witness of one's still estranged self

if any of this makes ANY sense to anyone here,
you are more than welcome to PM me - i would gladly offer whatever insight i may be
able to provide (and i promise you: there may be many)

with a view precisely to the trouble of finding words... of that one right word...
i communicate much more perceptively 'live'
which means i am not all that happy with IM (also because i cannot type 'blindly'),
but i am (at little cost and mostly for free) available at Skype

i will be writing about, and studying, autism precisely from a very sceptical linguistic
point of view; and i think, even if you are struggling to find the words i seem to have
so readily available - so much of these thing at first sight seem contradictory indeed -
but i conclude ever more insistently:
all these various and seemingly mutually exclusive traits in autism, including these
problems with verbalization, at a deeper, core level, are structurally all the same

all aspects of this strangely dark-shining diamond that is spectrumite autism

my agenda in this: well, i need to get started, and get acquainted with you -
normally different people like me, and at a more direct, 'real life' level than this
still un-personal, distant, un-committal posting
i need to start learning from many more than just little old me:
so ask me, maybe i can help - but i will certainly learn, so you wont be any bother

WhenDiamondsTurnedSpade/[email protected]

[quote]

maybe you need a little something for your anxiety?

maybe you could try walking to calm down your central nervous system?

I'm still sad but for other reasons.

LawnNinja that's exactly what I'm going through.

Thank you for posting everyone.

Sadly Ive got bigger problems now.

oh life is like a treadmill.

Even if circumstances have changed, I think it is worth talking to a pro about these episodes (for lack of a better term)...
I think stress and dramatic and frequent changes in my life increase my stress level and the base level depression really shows- more than sadness...
Hope everything works out...
Bek/lawnninja

Sid Hugs :O)

You've just described me 10 years ago. I was feeling the sensation of the feathers, and the isolation. I went to a professional to talk about these things. I was referred to a clubhouse and given the help that I needed. I still feel the feathers, but I have a few friends now that I've never had before.

Hang in there! :O)

Yes I have severe depression with psychotic features. I haven't had a psychotic episode since the first one and that was about 5 years ago.

But I am sad alot and cant handle alot of stress. but I'm aware of it so I try and to things to limit my stress.

I think part of the problems is I'm dealing with alot right now.

My mom has copd and is ill. She should be in the hospital right now but the family is taking care of her. monitoring her 24/7 .

Ive been sleeping 4 hours a night for about 5 days now. So I'm starting to show it. But my family works so they need me to go by the house and keep an eye on her.

I don't mind though, I would rather spend time with her when I can because I really don't know how long she is going to live.

I recognize alot in your post - sorry you feel
this way I notice this feeling on your skin
you describe, i get something similar, now and
then i wake up and all that day i walk around
being extremly sensitive, it feels like every
nerve is in 6th gear and the slighest touch
feels like hammer. It can hurt to shower
just by the water splashing around. I
never found out what it was, no doctors
thought it made sense so i got used to it
in a way. Also, the thing with not getting
the words out, some days i just grunt
mostly, i have the word in my head my
its slips before i get it out, i fumble and
stutter and its just a mess and i feel really
cut off from people, i cant reach them. The
only thing i found that worked was to ride it
out, when i fought it it just got worse and i
got annoyed so now i more just sit down and
wait for it to pass a little. Hope you find something
that helps you and that you feel better I very
often feel like asking for help, but i suck at doing
that and theres no one to ask. But i really wish
someone helped me a little sometimes, i do my
best but its hard to handle everything alone.

""I have trouble being myself""

Me too, i really want to be just me, but i have
spent so much time trying to fit in and please
people that i lost something of myself When
i`m alone, its just me. But when people are
around, some small things change and i hate
it, its not me hope i can change back some
day.

COPD is a very treatable illness - nebulizers, oxygen, etc. - a very common, very treatable thing.

Ive started going back to things I did as a child and I'm realizing they were very helpful coping skills.

Listing to the same song over and over , rocking, swinging on swings, running around the house, singing the same song all day, climbing trees, recluseing for days and possibly weeks.

I know most of these thing aren't socially acceptable but they help me so I'm gonna do them no matter what anyone says! And they are helping me a lot!! !

So perhaps you can look back and see if you did anything different as a child. Try doing things you did back then and see if they help you.

Chances are they were coping skills people beat out of you to help you be "normal". Little did they know they were doing more harm then good.

Hope it helps you , its helping me.

Oh and try doing them when your alone so you don't feel pressured to be "normal".

Good luck !
My foot thing hasn't gone away but doing these things decreases the sensation quite a bit.

I have the same problem with"mental" and nervous breakdowns when I am in situations where I have to hide my traits and craziness. It causes me to not only go into a breakdown, I start regressing in skills that I am great at and proud of ,like my intelligence, and my independence. For me it is not only a self-esteem, self-confidence issues because the people around me get disappointed in me for being the way I am and my brain automatically feels like a loser, but it is an issue of being forced to hide the disability, so that they do not have to deal with us and be embarrassed. First of all, all of my 'crazy" traits do not even hurt people and the ones who say that I am hurting them emotionally, are a lot more "crazier" because if it hurts a person's emotions that someone is being "their selves" than that person because of they cope with things differently,than that person has issues with not being able to handle the difference in that person,(by what they are saying that is actually hurtful to us, and it is downright mean), but they are down right ignorant.To me my ways that I make myself comfortable may be unconventional to others, but actually it works for me and actually is not only extremely safe,but very comforting. I am luck that I have my traits because I am someone who does not like harming anyone or myself and doing these things actually prevents me from doing things that are not only unsafe to myself and others, and it stops me from doing things That I would regret. I am lucky that my brain works this way, because I have been in programs with Autistic people(I have asperger's so I am way different) that do not have those abilities, but instead harm other people in very violent ways(one of them hurt me too).
so my advice is I would not isolate, but I would find people who can accept you and for the people who can not accept you, I would explain to them about your asperger's and tell them that this is who you are and that they should be lucky that you do what you do for comfort because it can be a lot worse. I always write a letter explaining why I am the way I am and in very great detail, explain why and how it helps you to do these things. If they can't accept, maybe they should be the ones who should be getting the help. I hope this helps a bit and I hope everything goes well. Good luck with everything and keep strong.

Ok just-me, I feel like talking to you on this. I am no expert, but like you I am diagnosed with Asperger's---so there is experience here.

Feeling stuck in a rut---I wouldn't worry much about that, we all seem to get that way from time to time. And being afraid to ask because of not knowing what to ask is normal for us. Would it help to script it out on paper first...then ask? My therapist told me to script out stuff---especially things that are personal.

The feather sensation all over you---Could it be anxiety? If stimming makes it go away, I tend to think you are experiencing anxiety. Has your diet changed? Do you need to get active in something like exercise, etc.?

Your getting words out---Relates back to above and scripting. It's normal for us to have this.

Helpless feeling---Well, based on what you said about it happening every couple years---it will go away. It has gone away before. It will go away again. But, you are curious about what is causing it. Perhaps a psychologist could help you on that. It sounds rather cyclic---though a very long cycle at that.

Tired---Please be yourself. Trying to act the way the rest of the world acts is tiring, and unfair on us. We have to be ourselves. Relaxation is very important and you relax best by being yourself. It doesn't matter what others think. Don't worry about your roommates freaking. At our teacher's meeting yesterday---I stimmed. I usually hold myself back on that. But I stimmed. No one said anything about it. A lot of the staff knows I have AS. But still, they are not accustomed to me stimming. But no one said anything. If they had said anything---why should it bother me? I was just being myself. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Ashamed---I differ from a lot of people here. I am very proud to have Asperger's. I love what it has done for me. It is a gift for me. I unwrapped that gift and am enjoying what is inside. You must do that too. Never be ashamed for being given such a wonderful and rare gift. Yes---we act eccentric---but so what? Explore your gifts and you will be viewed with respect even if we do act different---we are different, and I am glad.

Fix AS---You don't need fixed. You are not broken. You have AS---AS is a difference. Remember that---it is a "difference."

Words--- A lot of your concerns are over getting words out. Remember what I said about my therapist? He tells me to script out my feelings first. It does help---but it does take some getting used to. Actually, I have scripted to some degree on issues before in my life. At my music ministry last Sunday, someone asked me a personal question that I had not prepared for---and I could not effectively get my words out. So today, I emailed a response back to the church for this person. Don't worry---most of us have this problem to some degree. Try scripting. Your force field analogy reminds me of how I describe social things. For me, it's like a window is between me and them.

People getting annoyed---Are you sure they are annoyed, or are you misreading them? If they are getting annoyed, try shortening what you need to say to them. Asking stuff too much is common for many of us. I do this too. My wife gets annoyed at me for this. I just try to ask once...or twice...then replay the conversation in my mind to assure myself I heard it right---it can be tough---but it does work.

B/F and mother---Aren't they among the most important people to accept you? Be thankful for them. So what if others don't seem to accept you---it's there misunderstanding of you. You just need to be yourself. Sometimes people dwell on things too much---like AS. Maybe you need to relax with it and try to get your mind off of symptoms and stuff.

Acting---Is this like scripting---probably not. I think what you mean here is that you are trying to act like what you are not, whereas scripting involves getting your actual feelings out in an effective manner. Do not act like what you are not.

Fish Bone---Glad it got unstuck. That happened to me once I think. I was eating fish and I had this scratchy feeling in my throat. I finally ate bread and jumped up and down for awhile. The sensation went away.

What's wrong?---Can't answer this because nothing is wrong with you or me or anyone else here. We are different. We are not broken. We have a gift.

To get better---Don't worry about getting better in order to act NT. Get yourself better with yourself by accepting yourself. Enjoy what AS has to offer. If you don't know, explore your interests and fascinations. Look at the good things.

---Your other post here---

I don't have advice on your severe depression with psychotic features. It is good you haven't had an episode for 5 years. That would require professional advice. But I do believe that being happy with yourself will help. Try to get rid of the stress in your life by finding relaxing activities. Relax with yourself and don't dwell on the bad.

I hope your mother gets better. That, and your lack of sleep does sound like a plausible explanation for your feelings. Whatever happens, you have friends here at the WP. Never hesitate to pm any of us if you need to---or post as you are doing now.

---Your recent post---

Sounds like you are doing better by going back to past activities. If it works...it works.

My best wishes to you. Please pm me anytime.