Sometimes I feel like a sham

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Even though I was "assessed" by a specialist as being an aspie (it was not a formal diagnosis, but she said I could treat it as one)...when i thought I would get "PDD-NOS"..at best.....Even though I have upwards of 5000 posts on WP, even though I have lifelong fixations, mild face blindess, can't drive a car, walk on my toes, am emotionally more like a child or teenager than a 33 year old "woman"...even though I have various and sundry issues that have affected me for my entire life, have the 2d:4d digit ratio thingy...have autistic tendancies that run in my family and other things that are pertinent to this forum....and I never ever lie about anything in my posts....

Sometimes I feel like a sham and think that maybe I am not really an aspie and that I am kidding myself and that it is all in my head...or maybe it is really something else that I have, as has been suggested by my partner.

Am not sure why I feel this way sometimes, but I do...

Today I acknowledged "World Autism Day" on facebook and mentioned that I was assessed as being on the spectrum...then later I felt embarrassed and deleted that part...because I imagined that people might give me flack for it.

No sham topic

PLS, you have never been a sham or shame on WP. And I have all the traits you mention and more.

Even if you had no traits (in the ordinary sense of the term) your posts are very welcome and interesting.

How is your SuperHappyFunLand doing? I was meaning to ask this before.

Fine...stressful....having a bad day...
I have a lot of pressure in my head...

They are hanging art in the gallery right now..our first exhibit since we reopened...Last night I performed in a a yearly event we have called "Spazzathon"...all eccentric-humorous one-person acts...
Am having mini-meltdown over some trivial matter involving a piano.

Even though I have a lot of issues, sometimes I think that I am not an aspie because I am so completely undisciplined and disorganized....but I guess a lot of aspies do have these problems.

Some of the things I wonder are:

Can I still have Aspergers and:

be polyamorous ( I have 2 boyfriends and so many have such difficulty obtaining just one signifigant other)

run a venue...(if I really had asperger's perhaps it would be more difficult for me than it is to deal with all the noise)


Also...I wonder whether I am smart enough to have Asperger's
I am not a walking encyclopedia. i was more intensely interested in facts when I was much younger...these days, as an adult, I am too stressed out and overwhelmed to be interested in facts...
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I react badly when things are sprung upon me unexpectedly, but I do not adhere to rigid routines.
I often have poor problem solving skills..mostly pertaining to dealing with people.
Creatively, I have fairly good problem solving skills.


Every description of Asperger's I ever read focuses on the narrow rigid routines and repetative behavior...I have SOME repetative behavior, but not ALL of it is repetative...and I only have a few routines....most of the time I am totally scattered with no routines to speak of.

I feel like a fraud too, but at being human.

(attempt to delete post)

When I read by first time the description of what the asperger was: I believed that someone were being spying me. With the time I realized that what I have is not compared with the problems and/or skills of others, I am sure that I have troubles in many things, and I am different from the others. But, I am not sure to be so affected like to call my self aspie. That supose to be good. But... sometimes, I feel in land of nobody.

When others have doubts, it probably increases your own, and it doesn't help that the spectrum is so heterogeneous. I sometimes feel this way too; all the talk about fakes and accusations of such on forums have this effect on me, even though I fit the criteria and have been diagnosed.

Just because you were not formally diagnosed doesn't mean you are a sham.
Look at me for example: In terms of reading faces: Emotions yes. Connecting names with faces no.

In terms of my wavelength and my boss's wavelength. I am out of step. On the other hand, my boss is also disorganized and he is definitely neurotypical. If a boss is disorganized it will affect me also in terms of trying to work efficiently.

I adhere to some routines (repetitive behavior) more out of a voluntary thing but I don't get really upset if they are broken. The girlfriends I have had have been through the singles ads, since I would not do very good in a disco scene, but they have all been neurotypical. Honestly, I would not do very good at trying to meet a soulmate the old fashioned way (i.e. parties, events). The singles ads are simply easier for me.

Compared to many Aspies I would probably be the neurotypical one. But put me in a typical peer group of people with the typical well-developed neurotypical communication and social skills and I am the Aspie.

Hey if you are succesfully running a venue like Super Happy Funland that's a hell of a lot better socially than many NTs.

Hey you sound a lot like me, and I was formerly diagnosed with AS so there you go. I have run small choirs before (although with peers volunteering for them, and I had help), and I don't know heaps of facts. I am also completely disorganized and seem to have no routine to speak of at the moment, although I would like a routine I think I'm too overwhelmed to create one.

The only thing I'd look at is the boyfriends, but then, they could be very accommodating people; I know you hang around with a "fringe" crowd, so that may help immensely with such.

But then, my father has AS, and he's probably had more girlfriends than I want to know (more than one at a time too). Plus marriage [for 20 years or so] and kids. Good looks can go far.

Most of the people who pass on the "bad" Asperger's or HFA/LFA to their offspring are "mild" AS or BAP themselves.

I guess hanging out in the "fringe" crowd does help...They are unusual and accommodating people.

I acquired my "second" boyfriend partially as a way to cope with my main partner's polyamorous leanings.
Before he was my "second" boyfriend, he was just one of my very few good friends, and the two of us were part of Flakey's "neuro-eccentric misfit" collection

He has pretty strong aspie traits, which make dealing with females (not to mention people in general) pretty difficult for him...

I have seldom met anyone in my age group who is as childlike as I am

You're definitely not a sham. You are who you are so I hope you can find a way to embrace it.

o/t ~ The music in your sailing video on youtube. Is that your own music? I love it. Great video.

nah..i discovered the You Tube "Audio swap" feature...
I had to do it because the wind maxed out my tiny camera speaker.
I want to figure out how to add my own music to the videos though.

I sometimes feel like you do, Poopy. I questioned and still question my diagnosis. I don't have enough of the symptoms to be diagnosed with AS, even though I was diagnosed with AS. I do, however, fit the PDD-NOS diagnosis. Also, Adverb, my boyfriend, said once that he thought my problem was a mild ASD and bipolar disorder... then he sasid he thought I was bipolar and probably not ASD at all. Then he thought I had schizoaffective disorder. Now he thinks I'm schizophrenic. Before he sasid that we were both PDD-NOS. He thought I was PDD-NOS too, but when the situation calls for it he never even mentions my AS or PDD-NOS, just the supposed schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and the schizoaffective disorder.


I used to be the most sociable person on WP, and once when I started a thread about "What's the coolest mental disorder to have?" and another stupid thread as well, one of my PM buddies blew up at me and told me he thought I was not an Aspie at all but just an immature 13- or 14-year-old NT looking for a bandwagon to jump on.


I wanted to do things like start Aspie communes and get romantically involved with an Aspie guy and have Aspie children. A lot of Aspies said "It just isn't the Aspie thing to do, having kids... al lot of Aspies are childless." Or "Aspies want to be alone; starting a community for people who want to be alone is like having a scheduled run to raise awareness for chronic procrastination." The same thing gets said about Aspies who want relationships.