i have issues with when I am either feeling down, unstable, emotionally confused, and/or experiencing a "shut Down", I happen to have really bad incontinence, soiling issues and/or bed wetting. Normally I have issues with incontinence a few times a week due to complications from rectal and colon surgeries, where I have accidents. I also have problems when I am either emotionally hyper focused and/or task related hyper focus.
But when I experience these feelings, my incontinence is either uncontrollable where I can't feel and/or control it, or I just don't toilet myself. Sometimes in extreme cases, usually when I am about to have a breakdown, I may go in inappropriate places, just to let my frustrations out in an non-violent and/or non-destructive manner.
I do wear diapers, even on the continent days where I do not soil them but I wear them because of sensory where I like the snug feeling on my stomach , waist and hips but also because it gives me a sense of security, comfort and the feel of the material gives me the comfort I need to go on. When I am really stressed, I put underwear over it to give me a greater fit so I am able to be more calm. it is like it helps the endorphines go to my head where I can relax and focus on my day.
It is not a sexual thing because I have no sexual feeling what so ever, and I am very emotional immature, where the thought of sex makes me sick. Actually I need and am proud of my child-like innocence. I can not even handle and/or do all those sexual things that a person does to get that feeling. I am infant when it comes to that stuff and I do not "touch down" there either because I do not experience any of those things. I just wanted to clear that up.
This is the only way I show any extreme and/or any negative emotions and frustrations that I may have. The only way I actually show any angry type ways is when another person upsets me and I just tell them I hate them and in extreme anger, I may tell them I will do something bad, even though I would and could never get the courage to do anything(due to my innocence and mild mannerisms). I only do that to scare them into being afraid so that they would give up on upsetting me.
I am diagnosed with strictly Asperger's and am very highly intelligent. I am not sure if it because of emotional immaturity or anything else. I do have issues with anxiety and depression, but it is all related to experiences with aspergers and is strictly situational, not the actual full blown disorders. Thank you all for understanding and being there. I am so glad that I can share this with you all because you all are great.
23 Apr 2009, 11:56 am
