depressed as of late

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I've not been able to sleep properly in a few nights.. keep waking up... not tired... always thinking about my future.

I start uni in September and while I am excited about getting a degree, I feel sick at the thought of leaving home for the first time, but I have tot do it. I keep thinking about this.. a new way of life... I wish I could rewind time and have a bit longer in college... or even be back at school again... old regiems.

I hate depression because I start feeling down over things I wasn't bothered about. For example my weight.. I look in the mirro and all I see is a fat ugly *%^$.
I did something terrible yesterday. I've been trying to give up smoking but yesterday I wanted a cig so bad and my parents kept saying no. In the end, I was so frustrated that I cut my arm up. And then I got drunk. I just feel so bad.

This whole depression has come about, I think, becuase of the thought of going to uni and leaving home. Also I keep worrying about my future.... for example, what job could I get?... would I ever be good enough to get a Masters or even a PhD? I'll never be good enough.. I'm usless.
I never want to live alone.. I hope to move back in with my parents after I get my degree. But what if they die and I have no where to go.. I'll be alone having to fend for myself and I find that so difficult... pretty much imposible.

All these things go round and round in my head.

maybe you should try a journal, as in writing down all those thoughts in your head, might help you sleep. lavender might help.

if u want to quit smoking (as i think your parents want you too) nicotine patches would be useful.
researching solutions to your worries might help,
as in if you are worried about getting a job,
think about your interests and research various jobs within those areas.

good luck to you.

when you start feelin like this find something funny to watch on youtube or something, if you want i can give you some suggestions on something to watch that made me smile. this is the best way to curve depression as far as i know...