Proving myself

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I feel like I have a lot to prove to everyone, especially my boyfriend, whose opinions I value the most.


But how can I prove these things?


I need to prove that I have empathy, but do I? And how can I get a chance to prove it if I do?


I need to prove that I have social skills, but do I? And how can I get a chance to prove it if I do?


I need to prove that I'm sane. But how can I get a chance to prove it?


I need to prove that I'm not squeamish or a wimp. But how can I get a chance to prove it?


I need to prove that I'm competent. But am I? And how can I get a chance to prove it if I am?


I need to prove that I'm smart. But am I? And how can I get a chance to prove it if I am?


I need to prove I'm resourceful. But am I? And how can I get a chance to prove it if I am?


With nothing going on in my nonexistant life, and no potential for anything but normal everyday events and activities that demand nothing of a person, how can I prove these things about myself? I need something challenging, even traumatizing, to happen in order for me to be able to prove these things. Now I know what was missing in my life... challenge.


And please don't tell me to do something "cha;llenging" like learning to knit. I don't admire people who can do just normal things like knitting or whatever. I admire people who are smart and compassionate and such in great adversity. But I need great adversity to prove that I'm like that. I'm tired of being sheltered. I've been tired of it for yeatrs. I want to go out and prove myself. Part of the reason why I wanted to be homeless was to prove that I can do it. I'm tired of people saying I can't and that I need them to shelter me.

Maybe you could do charity work, by joining an organisation which provides for others. Do you have any fields of expertise? Some work even requires going to remote areas of the world to help the needy. To be honest that would be something which would challenge my current life and something I would hope in the future to do.

Do some research on the net, and see if there is a place for your expertise. Good luck.

I was thinking of doing that before... years ago... I should look into it again, for in a couple of years' time, because right now I want to spend my time with my son and my boyfriend. But if I did charity work I would like it to be for autistic people... maybe I should go back to school and study psychology and become a psychologist specializing in ASDs. I want to start a center for people with ASDs that includes crisis stuff. They can go there for food, clothes, shelter, counseling, medication, group therapy, socializing, etc.