I am actually Catster2 under a new name because I couldnt access my password and didnt hear back from WP so joined up again. Anyway My Uncle came out from America for a week last month. I stayed away and didn't ring for most of the week and didn't go over until I had dinner with him on the Thursday night. Everyone is tense at the moment because my grandma is moving into a low care residential hostel for the elderly. That went very well and he said it would be good to see him in a couple of days so I went over in the afternoon last Sat (21st March) things went well we (my grandma, aunt, uncle and me talked about this and that and some stuff going on in my life. The night ended well and my uncle said we will talk more in the morning it seemed very positive my aunt suggested I stayed overnight I did that. My aunt thinks that my uncle spent overnight thinking about stuff and woke up stressed and angry. Being aspie I cant pick up on signals and in hindsight should have left early that morning because my uncle totally turned and starting saying really nasty stuff to me calling me selfish and pathetic (for talking about my stuff the night before) as the day went on it got worse still not picking up the signals I stayed until things really turned nasty later in the afternoon. i had a s**t day really my uncle is out from the USA and to cut a long story short my mum rang hassling me about this and that and my grandma kept talking at me (I cant cope with that). I lashed out and said just shut up I am trying to think here. My uncle totally lost control got right in my face screaming at me, grabbed my ear and a little of my hair (not hard), threw a phone book at me and grabbed my mobile phone out of my hand throwing it hard into the ground saying how dare i talk to her like that calling me a piece of s**t, ordering me outside etc. I had been without my anti anxiety medication for 24 hours, was stressed about Blue Willows and upset at how my mum talked to me all of which contributed to what turned out to be an unpleasant situation. It made me feel very alone in the world. There was no justification for how he reacted. he also accused me of swearing as well that i strongly deny i yelled yes but swore no. This is not the first time he has reacted like this (swearing, screaming, making threats) etc) although it is the first time he has got in my face in that way I felt frightened, intimidated, stood over and upset. It is going to take me a long time go get over the whole day given what was said and done. Even now I still feel depressed, anxious and angry and burst into tears at the drop of a hat, I find it difficult to be alone.
He said he was going to cut off contact with me accusing me of ruining his last day at my grandma place and saying i brought it on myself but now wont he just will take a while to come around. I guess that is what will happen. He says he wouldnt react to his five year old son like that well why react to me like that.
what he did all day was wrong even if I had sworn at my grandma (I did not) it still was inexcusable and was not the first time. It showed a lack of understanding on a lot of peoples parts really my grandma shouldn't have talked to me whilst I was focusing, my uncle should have understood that i couldnt cope and my aunt shouldnt have said that being rude was inexcusable because IMO it was excusable on this occasion Someone of the three of them should have directly told me to go home long before everything blew up. If I have information overload then I react that way. I also should not have outstayed my welcome my uncle was nasty all day before that and in hindsight the signs were there but my AS meant I didn't see them.
I let it go for a while until a friend of mine wrote to to uncle C. she found his email address on something I had forwarded. It couldn't have made an already bad situation any worse and may have made it better. She thought she was helping and it may have how did she know, it might have made him think about his actions. What she wrote was totally fair enough and not personally attacking just attacking the actions. I didnt have control over what she did but am not upset at her for doing so.
He wrote back clearly angry and blaming me accusing me of all kinds of stuff most of which even if i had done would not justify his violence. My mum was upset that I told people amd that I replied to him. I admit I wrote on Facebook and people found out about the C. situation I was hurt, angry and deeply traumatised it was how I handled the situation it may not be how they handle things but it is how I handle things and mine is no more wrong just different not wrong. It isnt all about him understanding AS although that is part of it. It is him who did the wrong thing, it is him who overstepped the mark and got physical. I was quite restrained in what I wrote on Facebook for example I simply said he threw a phonebook at me I didnt say it was at my face leaving a cut. I could have done a lot more than blogged facts of Facebook and had he not been family I would have. I am deeply upset.
She was doing what friends do and supporting me I dont get that often so I am pleased she did. I was deeply hurt by mums reaction shouting at me telling me I have handled it "badly" etc and lack of support I was not "wrong and did not "handle it badly" and have no regrrets for what I have said or done.
I have tried keeping it quiet and talking to him face to face and in emails between us it hasnt worked in the past and I dont beleive he would have listened to me email or otherwise this time. I am glad things are out in the open and they know the situation that is me it is how I am.
I still suffer very badly and feel hurt that he (uncle C.) doesnt understand as Mop (aunt)said i am not a behaviour problem i did not choose to be born asperger.
Last edited by Catster3 on 20 Apr 2009, 8:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
19 Apr 2009, 3:18 am
