The NT-Hood is taking over me

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I have had an online friend since May last year who I have emailed every single day since, and was my only friend in the world for much of the time I have known him. And recently, we have both been emailing this other girl (all of us are AS, BTW). Then suddenly, he confesses to me that he has a crush on the other girl.

I instantly had to pretend to be OK with it, but really I was freaking out, because the minute relationships get involved, that is officially the end of telling each other everything. I couldn't tell the girl what was going on, could I, and I couldn't even tell the boy that I am really worried he will forget I exist.

Then I stopped worrying about the situation for a while...then suddenly they start dating. I was thinking, "Oh Jesus, you DIDN'T..." because I know that nothing good will come of this. We're only 14 (well, I'm nearly 14), they'll only go and break up, and then I will end up having to take sides. WHY am I the only person who sees where this is heading?!

Besides, it happens all the time on TV: whenever someone starts dating someone, they completely ignore their friends. And because he's a boy and I'm a girl, there's a risk that his girlfriend will think I'm a threat to her or whatever crap, and he'll have to choose between us. And I know from personal experience that nobody EVER picks me when there's another option.

I just want things back the way they were. And the title for this thread is a summary of the feeling that I am suddenly having to use that old NT trick of saying one thing while meaning another, and lying about how I feel. We're aspies, dammit, I never expected to end up knee-deep in the NT-Hood.

My dinner is ready so I don't have time to write anymore, but I think I've covered the basics of the situation. In a nutshell, everything is changing and I'm worried the changes will not include me.

don't date at the age of 13. it's too early. you won't like it. just try to make friends.

^^ don't listen to him, if you don't start dating at this age then you will never learn how to date, you'll realize that after it's too late. Don't be like him or like me.

And oh, avoid sex for now or use protection if you can't . Consult your mom.

It depends. Sometimes you'll isolate yourself from them because you feel like you've made them hate you. You cut yourself off as a matter of coping. While the reasons differ, the results are often the same as with NT's. The emotional roller coaster can be far worse for Aspies, though, because there's the pain of loss coupled with the self-blame, coupled with worse coping ability. This is the main reason why Aspies frequently commit suicide. Many Aspies need friends desperately, despite their difficulties, and feeling like they've screwed up and lost a friend can be devastating. These Aspies also tend to value their few friends a lot more than NT's do.

That kind of sucks. But you don't really HAVE to get involved, and when they break up, you also don't have to take sides. Being the person who can stay out of the drama is a GREAT skill, and I recommend practicing it. One thing you can do is be honest about your concerns with them, and encourage them both to be honest with each other. Don't let them drag you into relationship problems. If either one tries to make you take a side, just tell them "I don't know" "I don't have an opinion" "You both have good points" or even "I don't want to get involved" and "that's your business, not mine" or something like that. Just be a good friend to the both of them, and try to be forgiving and cheerful and optimistic even if things get hairy. This will keep them from neglecting you, even if they start to fight with each other.

Come on, everybody learns behavior by mimicry. Aspies do their best to imitate their peers, and are often drawn to the confusing complexity of interpersonal relationships on television. I can't recall how many aspie guys I've heard of watching soap operas for this reason. I don't care for them for all kinds of reasons, but they contain a kind of social content that entertains some of our interests and provides a model for those who don't know how to act otherwise. Of course they are really unrealistic, and it's sad how some people can watch such obvious overacting and think that's how people are really supposed to behave. But my point is that I don't think you can support a claim that it's an NT-specific trait. The real difference is that for the aspie, television might replace real people as a model.

gina-ghettoprincess I understand how you feel, Im going through a simular process at the moment in college... all i can is all experence if you do lose your friends try to learn from it

main the problem is uncertianty which is the worse feeling that I have known.

I feel for you.. truly do....