Picking up weird vibes

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Where to start? I'm having one of those days where I'm on the brink of tears constantly.

Several months ago a friend, N, and I checked out a roller derby game in our area and were smitten. We both became "fresh meat" (term for newbies who practice with the team, but who are not team members). An acquaintance from high school saw our exchanges on facebook (gotta love facebook) and came out, too. This should be fine, right? Well it's not. Not for me.

While N is the most supportive person on the planet, L is not. L was always a power tripping obnoxious girl in high school and I don't think much has changed, frankly. N is super athletic, runs marathons, boxes, etc and she has never ever ever made me feel ashamed or badly of any sort even though my skating skills are severely lacking compared to everyone else's. L hasn't said anything in no many words, but I get this distinct *competitive* vibe from her. I hate competition!

Her husband is always trying to one-up my husband (who is also an Aspie and has no use for competitive nonsense). Their son is always trying to fight our daughters. This kills me because it's SO FAMILIAR to me. Years ago we had friends (a couple) and it went well for so long and then we (Jim, my husband, and I) got this weird feeling. We couldn't place it. I tried to say how we were feeling and it ended up with us being told we were "too sensitive". (Makes me think of that little boy from Autism: The Musical.) In the end we stopped talking to them. No great loss.

BUT, now I feel this again and it bothers me even more this time because I know in my heart I would stick with derby if L were not going. I know I'd be crappy at it, and I know my dyspraxic issues have to do with how my brain is wired, but I'm certain I would still be going. Instead, tonight I will sit and home and be sad because I am missing derby practice.

This probably isn't coming out properly.

I get such a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach around L now, since we all started derby. L and N both took thier minimum skills test and became league members (not on a team yet). I am so happy and proud of them. But while N is still trying to get me to come back because she says she likes skating with me, L has stopped giving me a ride to practices!

I don't think it's jealousy. I really don't. But I DO truly feel like I'm an unwilling participant in L's competitive world.

Does anyone else ever get that feeling? Does it bother you? I'm so upset over this. I suck at skating but the fresh meat coordinator is so happy to have people out who are stoked to skate and play the sport. I don't get this competitive feeling from anyone else. But since it's from L and I know her outside of derby... I dunno, I think that makes it worse.

Well, I think I've rambled long enough.

Ugh.

Hi, I never had any similuar experiences but I read all your text (which is alot to be me!)
I dont either have any good advices on how to move on in this. But I understand your bad feelings and its sorry you feel you have to stay back from something because someone there gives you bad feelings.
Have you ever tried to talk to L saying politely that " I dont like your competition attitude"?

I don't think I can do that. She hasn't specifically *said* anything to me. It's just the air she gives off. Know what I mean? It's like she's constantly looking down her nose at me, or whatever that saying is. Her husband, yes, he's someone who comes right out and says, "I caught 2 fish last night. How many did you catch?" But not L.

And partly I think I'm hesitant because I know what happened with the last couple where I voiced my feelings on competition. We're no longer friends.

It just sucks.

oh yes I know what you mean!
I just realise I knew such a person you describe once. It was a boyfriend who constantly stressed me up with his mental competing. I felt a constant stress in his repeating ways to tell "Im better than you" in a "mental way" sometimes without words, it was the FEELING!
Once we watched a competition together on TV. We gave the contestants points and rated them and told who we thought who would win. I happened to give the winner to be the highest score and got early the sense he would win. My boyfriend gave lower rate and didnt take such attention at all. Later when he won and I was the one who also won in our own competiton, the boyfriend had sort of hard to accept the fact I was right and he was wrong.
Such situations made me think he had a great need to prove to other people all the time "how good he is"
That relationship was very destructive to me and it ended in complete cut off contact. It was doomed to fail. Maybe this is the only way for you too even if its difficult to think of. If you suffer from the contact then how can it be worth to keep it?

Genius! I wish I had thought of that! Thank you for that insight! And I'm glad you know what I mean, because I was having a hard time trying to explain it. It's an awful feeling, isn't it?

Yes I understand its awful for you. I mean you are about to loose something you lilke to do and you apparently miss it, and with that you also loose your other friend who you started it all up with and with whom it all was good from the beginning. I can imagine you thinking " I want to kick L out" and similuar. Have you talked to N about this, can you be honest to her and say it doesnt feel good since L joined in? Its not an easy situation to solve smoothly without nobody noticing something went wrong with somebody....
What if you bring N to another derby club? Then its obvious you both freeze L out and that you regret you took her in.....nah I really dont know....