Someone please tell me?

Post Reply New Topic

Why are my parents pulling away from me, they are getting short tempered, and mean at some points why, none of this happened before my AS, what changed, why are they doing this? Last, how do i cope?

Maybe they don't like having an autistic child. Maybe you should get rid of them. I don't really know.

Well, all I can do is guess, but here's some possibilities:

Pulling away- Because seeing you suffer is painful to them. Because, somehow, they feel like they have failed. Because they just don't understand you.

Getting short tempered- Frusteration. They've spent your whole life trying, and nothing's made you "normal."
Still, part of them is convinced that if you'd only just try harder, you could do it. It's a blame game, they blame themsleves, and they blame you as well.

What changed- Perhaps they've just given up. Now that they know you're not just a little shy, that something's really different and always will be... what more can they try or do?

Why- Because they're only human, flawed as we all are. And truly incapable of understanding just how we think.

What can you do? Well that's the hard one, considering your age. Not a whole lot. Spend more time away from home, if you can, a little space will do everyone good.
Find something like listening to music or wrting, that you can use to get your emotions out, alone.
Friends are good if you've got them, but often we don't.

Only your parents can tell you for sure why they are acting as they are. I can give you some likely reasons, though. First, please realize their actions are more about them and what they are dealing with. You mentioned this happened after your AS dx. This tells me the dx meant to them that they had somehow failed, or did something wrong and based on what you said in your other post, have a misinformed view of AS. I've found many people think any ASD is Dustin Hoffman in Rainman, and the thought of autism terrifies many parents. Whether you like it or not, your parents are probably living vicariously through you and have placed their own unfulfilled expectations on you. They are having difficulty dealing with themselves and become prone to taking it out on you.

How do you cope? I think what you're doing now, reading and posting to this group helps. You aren't the first and certainly not the last to deal with this type of situation. I suggest you continue to educate yourself about AS. You will probably find it is more positive than negative. It's possible, especially through therapy to compensate for the negative parts and to function as well as, or even better than NTs. For me, even having knowledge of what the [expletive] was going on took a lot of weight off of me.

I highly recommend talking with your parents about it. It's something that requires courage and can even be risky. Obviously you don't want to be confrontational with them and try to catch them in a good mood. There's an elephant head in your living room (metaphorically) and no one wants to talk about it. It's predictable the situation will worsen over time if nothing happens. Communication can make a huge difference. I'm willing to bet your parents aren't even aware of the impact their actions are having on you.

Please be responsible about how you do it or if you do it at all. I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents. I'm only operating from my own experiences, but I think they apply. I can tell it matters to you and you are committed to yourself and your family, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. That counts for a lot.

While there's no way for any of us to know what is going on with your parents, I'd like to suggest a possibility that's a bit different from what others have suggested: since your diagnosis, your parents might be feeling much more stressed than they were before, and their stress might be manifesting as the short-tempered behavior and withdrawal that you are seeing. Their stress doesn't mean that they are giving up on you. When a child is diagnosed, a parent is sometimes given a lot of information but little or no direction on how to help. Sometimes, they are given some direction, but given what the parents know about their child, it makes no sense to them - then they are caught between "knowing" what is best for their child and "what the experts" tell them. It is very stressful. Parents are often made to feel that they have to make immediate decisions, that there is an urgency involved. Usually, there isn't, but since the parents of a newly diagnosed child are overwhelmed with information, it is hard to sort out everything and figure out what is urgent and what isn't. In addition, the school usually puts more pressure on the parents. Meanwhile, the parents are usually trying to protect their child from the stress they are feeling. It doesn't work, but they may be doing their best.

As others have suggested, talking to them may be the best thing to do. They may be trying to protect you, and it may be doing just the opposite. Remember that your parents are just human - flawed and imperfect, but they love you.

You are 15 right..... would you go as far as a care home to get away frow your parents?

If not, try to explain what autism is and show them the good side out weigh the bad.

that's the best I have got sorry if not good enough

1) Double check, triple check to see if they are pulling away from you. Perhaps it is something in your head. I can not speak for you or them, just be certain 1st that it is indeed them and not you.

2) Keep in constant communication with them. No matter what. It may be very hard, but be as honest and open as you can. Do try your best to keep reasonable and calm. Without constant honesty and communication nothing honest can get really resolved.

This is what you do. You educate them about Asperger's and tell them that you can't reconize social cues and how upseting it is. Tell them that you can say one thing and you can take it another but your not purposly doing so, you just can't see social cues so it's very hard for you.

My parents and I were in conflicts every single day years back so I had to educate myself, them educate them.

They no my limits all to well, and how i will react to certain things because of my AS, but it's just not that easy i guess with them.

Is there anything going on in their life? I can remember in summer of 2001, my parents started to get mad at me for when I have anxiety and me freaking out. I figured later on in my life maybe they acted that way because they were working on building their new house and they wanted to get it done and they couldn't deal with their daughter with AS and anxiety issues so all they could do was yell at me about it and tell me to stop it. They also stopped caring about me too but it sure showed me how the world doesn't evolve around me and I needed to learn to adapt and stop using my condition as an excuse. At the time I didn't even know I was using it as an excuse until I was older.


Sometimes people can't handle having a child with a disability when someone else is going on in their lives so the only way they can cope with it is getting mad at their child about it. I wonder how they handle a severely autistic child or a child with MR. I suppose they lock them in their room and keep them there so they can have peace. Because I am much milder, it was easier for them to yell at me. My mom's excuse is I was acting like a two year old and screaming like one. I don't buy it.


What it did for me was in high school was it made my depression worse and drove me into wanting to commit suicide and wanting to move out but it taught me something. I still got the heck out of there thought when I was almost 20.