in trying to accomplish anything.
I recently finished making a political documentary and thought it would have an impact if I just made it good enough. Now it seems it won't be the hit I had hoped for, and I mostly just face criticism when advertising it. I'm living outside my society, Sweden, seemingly with no way in. I feel the government very much removed me from mainstream society with their intervention into my life 12 years ago.
I thought spending several hundred hours on a project of my own perhaps would change this, but now I'm starting to have my doubts.. Maybe I should just live on disability and spend my days playing online games and daydreaming, perhaps that's all one can get out of life. Life has been so different from what I expected it to be in my late teens. I really don't like it. I'm always trying to figure out how I can get the life I want, yet I can't seem to get the world to work with me.. And it's very hard to get sympathy for what the government has done to me.
I wonder if I'm coming across as too "emo".. Yet I just wish I could find some way of realizing my potential.. The USA would be a whole lot better for me, but moving there without any savings might be risky.
Maybe I should write a poem, maybe with a title like: "The lamentation of the Aspergian getting his/her wings cut off."
Sometimes I think my adult life has been nothing but life crises where I wonder what I can do about my situation, with brief pauses.
Ah well, something must eventually work out I guess, as long as I can get the energy back after every rejection.