Will I ever figure out what to do with my life?

Post Reply New Topic

Being under unemployment stress hell sucks.

One day I'm thinking about being a Special Ed teacher...the next day I'm thinking about qualifying for disability...another day I'm thinking about pushing for that tv writer dream...another day I'm thinking about being a researcher.

It never ends and no matter what choice I make I feel it will be the wrong one because I never had a serious passion or talent for anything.

And I feel like my college peers will give me hell or celebrate my failure of NOT becoming an aspiring TV writer cause we were all film majors and they teased me and insulted me for my mean like behavior towards them and I stopped talking to them after graduating. Ugh.

Some of my new potential plans involve going back to college and I love the idea of being able to move out and do things differently at college the second time around. But my dad will never go for it because of expenses he would rather I get a hourly wage job which will never happen cause of my lousy social skills. I miss working at Disney World. I worked in a costuming warehouse so I didn't have to deal with too many people and my routine helped me keep my sanity. That's the only kind of hourly wage job I could cope with.

But I fear if I do something like go back to college I may have a mental breakdown on day one like I did when I tried vocational college for a day (especially since I'm going to the same college where people seem to hate me (but about 90% are gone but still...). I'm glad I didn't continue that because it would have been a total waste since the program I signed up for was Web Design.

oops I rant again but that's what you get for clicking the thing

Aye, I'm in the same boat. I do technically have a job now, pulling a rickshaw and giving tourists history lessons around town and such, but that's just a seasonal weekend/holiday thing, but it's the only job I've had since I left my last one in September. It was a warehouse/assembly job at a lighting store, was there for 3 years and managed it because of the low quantity of social interaction... since I've only worked 1 day so far at my new job, not sure how well I'll be handling it for the long term.

But yeah, what to do with my life? I used to want to be a Physicist, but I suck at math so that didn't work... in college I switched from Physics to Journalism, hated that, then went to Biology, got my associates degree in that and then quit, since I didn't like Bio anymore... in the meantime, I've decided I want to be a Historian, an Economist, a Photographer, a Psychologist, a Plant Breeder, a Nuclear Engineer, a Novelist, a Geologist, and most recently a Nutritionist... but I can't keep with one interest for longer than about 6 weeks it seems before I move onto something else... and I'm so scared of returning to college for any one subject just to lose interest in it again (besides I kinda need to save money before I can even think about going back to college.) So while everyone I went to highschool with are graduating with big degrees and getting their fancy jobs and such, I'm stuck in constant indecision and still living with my parents and have a crappy job that apparently is only going to give me around 6 hours a week.

So I guess I kinda know where you're coming from in a few ways.

You don't have to "do" anything with your life.

You will live and then you will die. That is a fact.

You might be a welfare Mom or a justice of the supreme court.

If you believe in God then all God will ask you is "Did you try to be a good person"?

lol, i'm in the same boat, except i'm only 19

i have no desire whatsoever to go to college. none. I just work my dead end warehousing job, probably will unless I decide to get my CDL someday, and then be a dead end truck driver.

I used to have all these ideas about what to do but after I accepted my AS a few years back, I also started realizing being on disability is what I can do.

Life has very little meaning for anyone, but for someone with AS life has even less meaning. I'm just waiting to die. I would be happy if I got a malign tumor and only had a few months left to live. I would spend that time contemplating over the best days of my life, the ones I spent with my cat, and fantasize about the idea that she will come and meet me when I die and we will be together again. It would feel like going on a long anticipated trip. Dying from cancer would probably be the best time of my life other than the moments I spent with my cat, my best friend.

Why do I live? People don't interest me. I just want it all to end.

You are basically calling most of the people on this board inferior to normal people(I guess thats how I would refer to non AS ppl) which is absolutely non-true. I have AS yet I have had quite a few girlfriends, I speak over 5 languages, and I plan to work for the UN one day to make a difference. While I do get depressed and have extreme anxiety, I NEVER think of myself as inferior to anybody. Thoughts like that will only kill the self-worth that you have and put you further into depression. I hope you turn ship Zoonic because some of your thoughts on this forum(esp PPR) are well thought out and quite original. Why die before you can leave an imprint on this world. Dont become such a conformist...

For me there's no opening because I tried all my life to handle school and it wasn't possible. I can camouflage my asperger well but I can't function over longer periods of time in social environments like school. I can emulate the emotions of others and act appropriate but this just increases the stress levels and overload. There's no way for me to give my existence a purpose and the fact that I'm not oblivious inside my own world makes my existence even more worthless.

If someone with power and influence won't hold out a hand towards me, I'm never going to leave anything of value behind in this world. I lack the ability to take initiative for other things than my own special interests. I had tens of thousands worth of surgery because I was completely motivated. That's my only real accomplishment, other than giving my cats happy lives.