I was half asleep, but your post wake me up at full attention...
Read very carefully (don't take anything I will say here wrong), I will give you my honest oppinion. When you say to a counselor/dr/cop that you have thoughts of harming people, you are taken very seriously, in US you already met the criteria for involuntary admission for evaluation and treatment in a Psych Unit. That means that you are put in handcuffs and taken away to a hospital, or a Psych Hospital. By police or medical personell. You don't have a say, your turn passes when you say those words, that you have thoughts of harming people. "Harming people" is taken to the higher degree, it is reffered in the medical field as "homicidal thoughts".
I have a very good intuition, I think that you have to re-evaluate yourself and think if you are really having those thoughts or you are exhausted mentally. In any case, a stay in a Psych Unit would be beneficial for you. I am a nurse and I had to check myself in the Psych Unit, I am not ashamed to say it, Psych Units are for exhausted people, also. I am sharing my story with you and all the other aspies because I don't want you guys to think that I am just full of smoke and also because I want you to see that I care and I want you to be OK. I had a very bad spine injury at work and I have been thru so much pain in a course of one year that I lost so much sleep that it clouded my mind. I didn't want to take pain meds, like my psychiatrist sugested, so I ended up suicidal and more than that, I set a date and a time and a way to do it. I shared it very candidely with my doctor. I was suppose to "kill" myself the same day when I saw the doctor. Retrospectively, I know I wasn't just saying it, I meant it. I was at the end of my strenght. He let me go home and he called another man that I respected a lot and that man called me and ordered me, with no introduction or choices to go RIGHT-A-WAY to the ER and ask to be admitted. I executed it and I am glad I did. It wasn't easy to go to the same hospital where I was still employed and be put in handcuffs, but with my last flicker of common sense, I did it. It was what saved my life. I was so tired that I slept for three days and three nights, I was only awaken to eat and bathe. I was discharged and treated daily for the next month, not drugs, but therapy. In the Psych Unit, very few people were truly mentally ill, most of us were just exhausted of life. The nurses and doctors treated me with utmost respect and compassion, because it was a good unit team.
Go and get help. I don't think that the danger is towards other people, but more you are dangerous to yourself. Make sure it is a good hospital, a general hospital, because the specialized Psych Hospitals can be a very traumatic experience for a person that is going for the first time (and is not for sure mentally ill). It could be also a dangerous place, but it would wake you up at reality very fast (it happened to a friend of mine).
Chose your words carefully and be honest with yourself and the doctor or therapist. And last, but not least, just know that life is hard and you will not be the first or the last to stay in a Psych Unit. Don't be embarassed, just go get help. Only a fool would judge you. I admire your courage to say your thoughts, sharing with the WP friends.
Sincerely, Elena.
PS Same thing goes for the people that feel like they want to hurt themselves, it is treated very seriously. A serious doctor takes those thoughts serious, also and calls the self-hurt feelings as a suicide thought. It is taken seriously because of legal consequences, forget about compassion, even, if a patient ends up dead after sharing those thoughts with his/her medical professional, the patient's family has the right to sue for monetary restitution, based on medical malpractice. After a patient is dead, the right for confidentiality goes in the drain (or in the grave with the patient) and medical records will be subpoened with no problem by lawyers and courts. Please treat those thoughts of self-harm seriously, everybody deserves to live a life of quality and hapiness. Our parents struggled to have us and raise us and want to see that their work was not in vain. Only for that reason it's worth trying to live a happy and safe life, it will never be perfect, but it can be good, if you really work at yourself.
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Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama
PS For whoever wants to hurt me (in my professional life, for example) using what I posted in confidence here, watch out, I have a good lawyer.
30 Nov 2007, 6:51 pm
