are people who dont have kids considered failures?

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since they dont "pass their genes" or something like that

I dont know about anyone else, I am not totally convinced my life will be a failure if I dont reproduce but I certainly do want to have kids. If I dont find a mate, and I probably wont, then I will adopt a few children, possible ASD'ers and give them the home, childhood and future that they deserve. Even if I can give them 1/3 what my parents gave me in life I will be satisfied I did all I could and made their lives much MUCH better and to me thats not a failure I can die a happy man.

Personally I'd say no, but it depends on peoples perspectives and possibly cultural influences. Some people just choose not to have kids for the sake of there own lives. Not having kids is not a bad thing for the most part in the modern world. But I'd say if a persons chooses not to have kids, thats perfectly fine. For me I dont know whether or not I'll have kids, but of course Im only 19 and I shouldnt be concerned with those types of matters.

I'd say not so.
Such people could likely feel like failures though if they feel any sort of societal demand to reproduce.

Undoubtedly to a degree there are attitudes in society that consider the childfree to be failures, but those attitudes are outdated and wrong.

Nature doesn't consider it just is.

Procreation is a vast oversimplification of what is happening.

People who DON'T have kids are a success in my book.

What with severe (and worsening) global overpopulation, there is no need to spawn huge numbers of kids these days.

People should refrain from having kids unless they are totally and completely able and competent to raise children, not to mention willing to allocate hundreds of thousands of dollars and eighteen years of life to dedicated and purposeful attention to these children.

Those who choose not to reproduce can instead allocate the full measure of their energies toward a pursuit that betters themselves and the rest of the world.

The main social pressure you'll feel to have kids is just instinctive to humans: part of their reproductive instinct is the encouragement of others to reproduce. That's why when someone kisses on TV, in the movies, or in real life at a party, or wedding, people in the audience will go "WoooooOOOOOoooooo!! !" It took me a while to figure this out. Instinctively, they're encouraging the couple to mate and help propogate the species. That's why everyone generally acts encourging and often happy when people they know find romance -- because the instinctive imperative is being followed.

But reproducing is not intrinsically honorable or dishonorable, unless, of course, you're saving a population from extinction or near-extinction. But the key word is intrinsically. You can have kids for the wrong reasons as well as for the right reasons. Same with not having kids. I, myself, am deciding not to have kids. And, I'm deciding that for the right reasons. So, I'm not a loser for making that decision -- I'm a winner, because I used my best judgment in making that decision. And I know several people who've made the same decision for similar reasons.

People who don't have kids are more highly evolved. Nature puts us here to thrive and breed. That's it. So bucking those base instincts means we all need to move aside and let the childless be the dominant race.... except, er, they're not passing along their genes so.... um..... they can hand down their dominant raceness to the next generation.

I don't believe I'll be a failure if I don't, but I do want at least 2 or 3, perhaps as many as 12. Aspies, if possible! But WITHOUT any anxiety or depression. I hope MADDuck was joking when he said he wanted a boy, a girl and an AS on ADs.

God forbid I ever reproduce -

I guess I raise my hand as a failure or success considering the world condition now.

I think that Mormons believe that when they die, the more kids that the men fathered means that they'll have their own planet that's closer to God. And woman can't live in a planet unless they hook up with a man and breed.

No.

The failure is the person who raises a family but can't support it, and also the person who has no family and cannot support themselves. It's all subjective in that sense, of course, but I think that being able to support oneself sufficiently is a basic sign of success.
Some very successful people have never had children. That said, I wish to have offspring one day.

Hey there Becky,

I must say that until recently I fully shared your opinion on procreation and evolutionary progress. You don't even need to look closely to see that it is mainly people of lower socioeconomic status and definitely not the intelligentsia that is popping out kids at an alarming rate.
After having grown a little I would like to modify the conclusion I've drawn from these facts and differentiate between the motives that are behind having children. On the one hand there is the all so clear animal instinct: pass on your genes and enjoy the f**** to put it bluntly. I strongly believe this is the case in more than 99% of all relationships. On the other hand there is a much nobler cause: to pass on your knowledge and your wisdom that you as an adult should have available in excess (as long as you belong to the latter kind of people mentioned before) This does not mean creating a copy of yourself, to the contrary your goal should be to pass on a set of knowledge that you had to acquire yourself over years of experiencing and testing. This will allow your offspring to start of at a higher level of conscience than where you had to.

This implies several things:
First of all it becomes utterly unimportant whether your kids are biologically related to you or not. Have your own kids by all means if you like but keep in mind that adoption is a real option!
Secondly, any relationship to your partner will very likely be platonic for the most part. Have fun in bed etc. but never let it become one of the supporting pillars of your affection towards each other.
Thirdly give your kids all the love and care they need but try to watch yourself from the outside as much as you can and try to rather be their mentor than just their parent. This allows you to teach them the maximum of social, intellectual and moral standards.
If you hold true to these guidelines I believe that they then will themselves understand quickly how irrelevant it is to partake in certain activities that society expects them to indulge in and that their life as an individual is most to be valued.

To answer the original question: It depends on your motives! If you believe you cannot cope with being a life long teacher then I don't think this person has failed in any way as long as he or she makes sure there is a contribution to society somehow. (research / teaching / leaving something behind basically.)

blueskies, why people have kids is complicated. I never wanted kids until my dog died. When my dog died, my life felt really, really empty. If my dog had lived forever, I probably wouldn't have had kids. Shallow as that seems, I'd have to say that my kids have probably tought me a great deal more than I ever taught them. I owe them much.

No.

I'm a parent because that's what I wanted.

Success is getting to be what you wanted - not what someone else wants.