Melt down city

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Melt down city,
what melt downs have you had in your adult lives and why? what set you off?
in what way did you feel like you had your meltdown?
what did you do when you had your melt down?
what does having a melt down mean to you?

Funny you should ask... I had a major 'melt down' today over something that would seem rather innocuous to most people. I am getting married on the 29th, and I suppose my mother decided to tell me the news until the last minute. She announced that against my wishes, she had hired a band to play at the wedding. Therefore, tradition states I am supposed to get up in front of the attendees and dance with my husband for the first dance. NOT a good idea. Needless to say, I freaked out and became very argumentative, despite my future husband trying to calm me down, I sat down and rocked back and forth with my head down for a while being rather immature. I hate describing this because, as I said, to anyone else, it seems like a case of immaturity. It usually involves a lot of hopping around and whines. To me, it's a panic attack. I usually have meltdowns that come from left field and everyone is usually shocked. After 24 years, they are still shocked!? I feel like an animal in a trap. Mostly mental because it's something not tangible that panics me. My brain shuts down, and I can't think, listen or reason. To simply state it, it's awful.

I notice you said adult lives, and I am still a teenager, but I will post anyway. I've had way too many meltdowns to count, but there's one that I probably will never forget. It happened just recently, about a year or two ago, don't remember exactly, all I remember is that it was recent. My mom woke up and found me still awake at 2:00 in the morning on the computer, then she started scolding me for staying up too late.

A normal NT would probably either submit and go to bed, or argue with the parent about why they are up late and why they don't want to go to bed. But this was not the case with me because I am not a neurotypical. Instead of giving a normal reaction, I had a meltdown. I don't remember many specifics, it's kind of a hazy memory. I remember screaming at her, yelling at the top of my lungs about all sorts of things. This woke up my dad and brother who came to check what was wrong.

The yelling went on for a bit longer, including some self-harm behavior like hitting myself on my head constantly, then the meltdown reached its climax when I stormed into the kitchen, took one of the kitchen knives, and held it up to myself, threatening to commit suicide. I would NEVER even think about committing suicide, but it was a meltdown, it isn't really that controllable. My brother was in the back of the room crying, and my mom was in front of me trying to reason with me. Then I put down the knife and sat down at the kitchen table.

My rage had ended, and then I just fell apart and started crying my eyes out, uttering random things about how horrible my life is, yatta yatta yatta. That went on for 15-20 minutes, and then the exhaustion hit me and I went to bed and slept like a rock.

What does a meltdown mean to me? A meltdown is a terrible thing, but it naturally happens with being on the Autistic spectrum, so I can't really control it. I sure as hell don't like having them, that's for sure.

Depends on what kind of meltdown. I've had more than I can count, too. Some of my more 'memorable' ones included the time I got into an argument with my husband over which direction 'north' was. The argument exploded right after I stopped the car and bought a compass at a roadside gift shop (since the one built into the car was, in my husband's opinion, unreliable). I showed him with the compass I'd bought that I was right, and so was the one in the car. That's when he said, "Magnetic north isn't the same as true north." I lost it at that point, screaming incherently and tossing CDs out of the car. I took it as him implying I was stupid, and whenever someone does that, I go off like a nuclear bomb.

Another one happened at work, where I started crying during an employee meeting where we learned we were going to be phased out & outsourced over the coming year. I began crying and couldn't stop. Rather than go into a screaming tantrum, I managed to collect myself enough to get up and leave the room. That was a 'mild' display in my book, but my fellow coworkers have been cautiously avoiding me ever since.

what melt downs have you had in your adult lives and why? what set you off?

...death of a friend...death of my father, getting sick after having my son looking for answers and finding none, my ex-husband who hated me for things I couldn't change...in the end finding him with someone else.

in what way did you feel like you had your meltdown?

It depended on the cause, sometimes very sad, other times it was anger or rage. It exhausts me afterwards, sometimes I've been sick for a few days following.

what did you do when you had your melt down?

Cried mostly, withdrew somewhere off by myself, rocked, broke a few old dishes in the garage, I remember just screaming one time, sometimes I would be so angry I would just tremble and end up sick, I cut my hair a couple of times...just got angry, grabbed the scissors and chopped...never cut it all off, so I still had some control...usually calmed down as soon as I started cutting it.

what does having a melt down mean to you?

Loss of control...mosty loss of control of my emotions. It scares me.

one meltdown i remember was when i would liked to go home at weekenend(i was in psych unit at 1 year in observation after a year they found an asperger syndrome on me) i was only 10 at that time so that is what tigered me


how it feeled? it was exshausting all crying and sreaming to get off for restaint

what did you do when you had your melt down? i cryet screamed headbutt,and did what ever i can to get em off and tech em to not touch me at these days i only go angry swear cry yell and get restained i would like to stop but i cant mostly control em ...its not fun to get tied whith bed restaints

family issues. but that wont be a problem anymore, good riddance.