How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

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Q: How many Agnostics does it take to change a light Bulb?
A: At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

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Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They would rather light a candle AND curse the darkness.

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Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: CHANGE?! ! Get thee behind me, Satan!

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Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.

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Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, since his/her hands are in the air anyway

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Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

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Q: How many fundamentalists or does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, because anymore would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.

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Q: How many Hasidic Rebbes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What is a light bulb?

Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change? We're gonna change something?

Q: How many Conservative Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, call a committee meeting.

Q: How many Reform Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, anyone can change it whenever they want to.

Q: How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 30. One to change the bulb & 29 to discuss it, write commentaries on it, kvetch about it, and finally say a baruch over the old one.

Q: How many Lubabavitchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it never died.

Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

Q: How many congregants does it take to change a light bulb in a synagogue?
A: CHANGE? You want we should CHANGE the light bulb? My grandmother donated that light bulb!! !

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Q: How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We choose not to make a statement of either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

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Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

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Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and when they will be off.

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Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

I like the last one best

** WARNING: SEXIST CONTENT **

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS CRAP UP!! AND FURTHERMORE ... I'm sorry ... what was the question?

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Q: How many husbands does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one ... eventually ... but then he'll spike the old one in the trash can and strut around like a bantam rooster until he stubs his toe against the chair he left in the middle of the room, after which he will park his sorry carcass in front of the TV and expect to be waited on hand and foot for being "wounded in action"...

Great subject!! !!

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two - one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly-colored machine tools.




Q: How many absurdists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Invisible robot fish.

Q: How many Conspiracy Theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 16. One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that the film was tampered with, one to re-examine the film and claim that it proves that the first bulb-screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, two to claim that the filament of the original bulb was made out of thermite, one to claim that when the old bulb accelerated faster than free-fall would allow after it was dropped, one to insist the NWO really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being either disinformation specialists or sheeple.

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Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four. One to change it, one to not change it, one to both change and not change it, and one to neither change the bulb or leave it to change itself.

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Q: How many website moderators does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Website moderators do not change light bulbs. Instead, they ban light bulb jokes.

Fnord's are the best.

I agree

give us some more politically incorrect ones fnord

Q: How many Emo types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But afterwards, he will post in his blog a long, rambling, freeverse poem that describes how the old light bulb was his only beacon in the abyssmal darkness that is his so-called life; how its failure describes the moment that he realised that he was born to failure as a human being and that life itself is therefore futile; how he anguished for days, paralysed by the prospect of having to remove the now-cold and corpse-like shell from its familiar surroundings; how he cradled the lifeless thing in his shaking hand and cried over the futility of its existance; how he dropped it and watched it shatter in slow-motion into a million pieces, each one representing a fragment of his own shattered soul, and how the pain he felt when one of the pieces penetrated his skin as he cleaned up the mess only served to remind him that he was alive to suffer for death of light; how he questioned his own worthiness to replace the old bulb with a new one, and thus condemn the new bulb to the same fate as the old; and when he finally did switch on the new bulb, he knew that he really did prefer the cold comfort of the dark, and that the darkness was where he belonged for all eternity - not that anyone cares.

Q: How many scotsmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One holds the bulb, then the other one drinks whiskey until the house spins around.

Great original post. I think I would add just one more item at the bottom, though.

1 to unscrew the light bulb and replace it with a faint glow stick.

Just what are we supposed to be changing this light bulb into?

I may need some help turning it into a petunia....

And a partridge in a pear tree.

How many kids with autism does it take to change a light bulb? One but then he'll tell you about it for the next 3 weeks.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? ...............................................................Wanna go ride bikes?