Adult Nursing
Dear Paul,
My boyfriend wants me to lactate for him. I am not pregnant nor have I ever been and I don't know how to lactate. I don't know if it's safe or if it is going to turn me into a hormonal wreck. If you have any advice or know any books I would be really grateful.
Madonna in Montana
Dear Madonna,
For starters, what you are asking about is different from the breast play that couples often enjoy during lovemaking. You are talking about a situation where your breasts would be lactating and your boyfriend would be nursing on them at least two-to-four times a day, seven days a week. If he missed a nursing, you would need to pump or express the milk from your breasts.
Couples who do this sort of thing describe it as an "Adult Nursing Relationship." It usually begins after the woman has had a baby. The father may have started nursing alongside junior, or maybe mom encouraged him to take over once the baby was weaned. There are adult couples who keep nursing for years. Junior could be graduating from high school, and dad might still be sucking milk from mom's breasts.
The notion of having to nurse two-to-four times a day, seven days a week might be a jarring enough jolt of reality to cause even the most eager of couples to abandon the concept. However, couples who continue this kind of nursing seem to cherish the added closeness and mutual dependency. Not only is one partner dependent on the other for milk, but she is just as dependent on him to relieve her swollen mammaries. In fact, the woman's milk will often let down at the sight or sound of her partner's presence, just as a nursing mother's breasts will let down when she sees or hears her hungry infant cry.
There are two ways that someone who hasn't been pregnant can try to jump-start her non-nursing breasts. These methods have been pioneered by adoptive moms who are trying to breast feed their adopted infants. One method involves the use of drugs to trick your body into thinking you were pregnant and have given birth. The other involves a lot of seriously intense sucking on the part of your boyfriend, several times a day for several weeks in a row, and even then there is still no guarantee he'd be sporting a milk mustache when all is said and done.
If this did work, your breasts would probably get bigger so you would need to get new bras and blouses. As for the potential of getting stretch marks, I don't think it would be any different than with mothers who nurse infants.
Also, you would need to supplement your intake of calories and calcium just as a nursing mother does. Otherwise, your body might start robbing your bones of the extra calcium that your breasts need to produce milk. And if your boyfriend didn't cut calories in other ways, he'd probably start to get fat. As for the safety and impact of all this on your body--I'm not sure that anyone can say what it will be. Women have been nursing babies since the beginning of time, but does that have the same impact on your body as what you would be doing? I honestly don't know of any studies that have analyzed the outcome of women who lactate to fulfill adult fantasies.
Regarding the actual fantasy of nursing, I wonder if there are many couples who have had babies who didn't try it at least once? Beyond that, if couples are doing it, it's not the sort of thing they are likely to announce at Sunday's church social.
19 May 2009, 10:46 pm
