What do I do with the unoccupied ritual?

Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Spazzergasm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,415
Location: Maine

05 May 2010, 2:01 pm

For the last several years, my day ritual has included talking to the internet friend who isn't speaking to me. We'd converse around the hours of 9pm-12 am. Sometimes later, sometimes sooner.
Now whenever that time comes, I start getting depressed. Not only did I lose my friend, but I lost a huge part of my routine. Like right now. I start feeling really lonely, and sad that he doesn't talk to me anymore. And then I think he's probably not feeling the same, and I start wondering if he's slowly caring about me less...
And then I can't go to bed after saying good night to him and stuff. :( It feels incomplete and lonely.
I know I should occupy it with homework, but I feel too depressed to be decent at anything. You know how you always need to complete one step before you can move onto the next? It's like that, and that step never gets complete.

*sigh* Anyone else this faily?



makuranososhi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,805
Location: Banned by Alex

05 May 2010, 2:11 pm

If my wife and I don't get to say goodnight (1600 miles apart at the moment) then I have a similar experience. Have found writing a note or an email, even if I don't send it, helps complete the 'circuit' for me at times though it hasn't been 100% for me.


M.


_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.

For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!


TheBlueWarrior
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 26

05 May 2010, 2:15 pm

Yeah I've had similar experiences in the past. I try to occupy that time with something else, usually playing a quick game or something to ease my mind.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,548
Location: the island of defective toy santas

06 May 2010, 12:47 am

don't let other mere mortals depress you so. don't waste your energy thinking about somebody for whom it cannot be guaranteed that they are thinking about you in a way you'd like- this sounds cold but it is meant sincerely as cold comfort. one should hope that absence will make your heart grow colder [more indifferent] rather than fonder. since other people tend to not be amenable to one's own wishes, it is more profitable to concentrate one's energies on one's self for whom one can directly make changes to better suit one.
chase the sad thoughts away with happier thoughts. an average person's brain can only hold one complete thought in working memory at any given time, so it might as well be a good thought rather than a bad one.
take care :)
____________________________________________________________________
"many people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience." [gary larson]



Spazzergasm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,415
Location: Maine

06 May 2010, 10:03 am

auntblabby wrote:
don't let other mere mortals depress you so. don't waste your energy thinking about somebody for whom it cannot be guaranteed that they are thinking about you in a way you'd like- this sounds cold but it is meant sincerely as cold comfort. one should hope that absence will make your heart grow colder [more indifferent] rather than fonder. since other people tend to not be amenable to one's own wishes, it is more profitable to concentrate one's energies on one's self for whom one can directly make changes to better suit one.
chase the sad thoughts away with happier thoughts. an average person's brain can only hold one complete thought in working memory at any given time, so it might as well be a good thought rather than a bad one.
take care :)
____________________________________________________________________
"many people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience." [gary larson]


Aspie condolences. They are different. :)
He might be sad. Apparently my friend and his mates were teasing him about it at school, and he just went catatonic for a while.
Thanks for the kind words though. I suppose you're right. So what, distract myself?



Zara
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,877
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA

06 May 2010, 12:56 pm

Maybe you could find someone else to talk to? I know it probably wouldn't be the same but you might make some new friends to talk with.


_________________
Current obsessions: Miatas, Investing
Currently playing: Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Currently watching: SRW OG2: The Inspectors

Come check out my photography!
http://dmausf.deviantart.com/


Spazzergasm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,415
Location: Maine

06 May 2010, 2:32 pm

Zara wrote:
Maybe you could find someone else to talk to? I know it probably wouldn't be the same but you might make some new friends to talk with.


I would, but then I'd feel like I was using them. I already did that, and it was awful. :( I felt so stupid. The guy seemed to want to be my friend, and I was just using him. :(



Ebonwinter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,355
Location: Lexington, KY

06 May 2010, 2:35 pm

What constitutes being used?

I rather be used than gather dust.



Zara
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,877
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA

06 May 2010, 3:05 pm

Spazzergasm wrote:
Zara wrote:
Maybe you could find someone else to talk to? I know it probably wouldn't be the same but you might make some new friends to talk with.


I would, but then I'd feel like I was using them. I already did that, and it was awful. :( I felt so stupid. The guy seemed to want to be my friend, and I was just using him. :(


I think you're being a bit too negative about that. There's nothing wrong with talking with someone even if it's a one off sort of thing.
Why do you feel like you were using him? What were you using him for?


_________________
Current obsessions: Miatas, Investing
Currently playing: Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Currently watching: SRW OG2: The Inspectors

Come check out my photography!
http://dmausf.deviantart.com/


iamnotaparakeet
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 25,091
Location: 0.5 Galactic radius

06 May 2010, 3:35 pm

Find a book to read.



Spazzergasm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,415
Location: Maine

06 May 2010, 4:12 pm

Zara wrote:
Spazzergasm wrote:
Zara wrote:
Maybe you could find someone else to talk to? I know it probably wouldn't be the same but you might make some new friends to talk with.


I would, but then I'd feel like I was using them. I already did that, and it was awful. :( I felt so stupid. The guy seemed to want to be my friend, and I was just using him. :(


I think you're being a bit too negative about that. There's nothing wrong with talking with someone even if it's a one off sort of thing.
Why do you feel like you were using him? What were you using him for?


I was using him as a substitute, and a tool to get the other guy jealous.



Zara
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,877
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA

06 May 2010, 6:05 pm

Well I guess you were indeed using him. I don't know why you'd care then if he stopped talking to you.
That is rather lame. If I was him and found out that was why some girl was talking to me, I'd ditch them.
Would that still be your intent in talking to someone else for a change?


_________________
Current obsessions: Miatas, Investing
Currently playing: Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Currently watching: SRW OG2: The Inspectors

Come check out my photography!
http://dmausf.deviantart.com/


Malbred
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 54

06 May 2010, 8:15 pm

lol if you're a jerk I don't get why anyone would stick around.



Alethes
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2010
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 93

06 May 2010, 9:22 pm

u should probably apologize to him or something.
no use trying to carry on the deceit if it's already
been found out by him anyway. i don't exactly get
the sense that ur heart was broken by this tho,
since it was only a ritual, so i think u shd just make
amends and move on with ur life. just my 2 cents.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,799
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

07 May 2010, 12:24 am

I remember when that happened to me, though it wasn't a ritual. It was the happiest time of my day.


_________________
The Family Enigma


Spazzergasm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,415
Location: Maine

07 May 2010, 10:04 am

Noooo!! !! ! I think you got two guys mixed up. The guy I was "using" was not the one this thread is about. I really wanted someone to talk to, while the guy this thread is about, and I weren't on good terms. I realise now that was a mistake, and I was essentially using the other guy. Which is stupid, and I won't do again.
The guy this thread is about is someone I love. I was just addressing the ritual factor of it.